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Theta Mom®

Redefining Motherhood

The Motherhood Whine Fest

The other night I was out to eat with some good friends who happen to be awesome Theta Moms. Sometimes, the stress of motherhood is so overwhelming that I grab my girlfriends for a night out and we whine together over some good grub. And somehow after dinner, several cocktails and commiserating together, it makes us feel better.

I love our {I wish it was monthly} whine fest because these women actually listen when I talk. And they certainly don’t mind listening to me complain about it all because they’re doing the exact same thing! On our recent whine fest about motherhood, we were talking about the ridiculous stress levels that we seem to endure as mothers.

We were talking about ways we try to cope with it all, but we also were trying to understand what has really changed since our own moms were moms – because, really, were they this stressed out?

We think not.

When I was a little girl, my Nana lived with us so when my mom ended up returning to work, guess who didn’t have to worry having dinner on the table each night? Guess who didn’t have to worry about endless piles of laundry and the day-to-day cleaning of the house? Guess who didn’t have to worry about homework getting done? My mother didn’t have to worry because she had my grandmother doing it for her.

The bottom line is we can’t do it all gang, not all at once. And perhaps, are we overextending ourselves in the process?

When whining to my girlfriends, it turns out their moms had help, too. In all instances, our moms had their own moms (our grandmothers) right by their side as they raised us. And let me tell you if I had that kind of help, it would make all the difference in the world.

Today, my kids ALWAYS seem to be up my butt.

Every single minute.

Every little second, I am being asked to play with them and especially when we are out, I need to watch them like a hawk…but when I was a kid, I came home from school at 3pm and I was gone from the house until 6pm. I was out playing the entire time so that meant my mom had her own time. She could have been watching Oprah for all I know – she had at least three hours a day with no nagging or drama from us because we were out of her hair.

As for me as a mom today? I can’t even go to the bathroom without being followed.

I’m not going to say my mother never had any stress raising us because I’m sure she had her fair share. Financially, my parents struggled most of my childhood and I can’t imagine that huge burden but when you look at the day-to-day living and raising a family, my mom had help – the kind of help I truly envy.

Unfortunately, today, it’s much different. Many of us are struggling to do this motherhood thing without assistance and in many cases, we’re all trying to give our kids everything we didn’t have – perhaps even too much.

Nina Restieri recently blogged about the stress of moms today that really hit close to home for me. She distinctly asks in a recent post, “As a mom, are you overgiving?” She raises some wonderful points in that piece leaving you with tons to think about. She writes,

     “My mom loved me to pieces, but I don’t know if she ever got stressed out over a PTA bake sale. I don’t think our moms worried about things like teachers who weren’t the right fit, or that we weren’t involved in enough extracurricular activities, or whether we spent too many hours in front of the tv.”

My head kept nodding and nodding as I continued to read her post because that’s totally me.

I *do* stress over if the teacher is a good fit for my kid.

I *do* stress over finding time to actually bake something from scratch for the bake sale, because I would be considered a slacker mom if I purchased something pre-made from the supermarket.

And I *do* stress about being the taxi cab mom running the kids to their activities and the nine million other things on my to-do list. And let’s not forget about the need to keep up with technology since my kids always seem to talk about what they’re friends are “playing” with and wondering why they don’t have the same.

It’s the never-ending cycle of trying to give our kids the best childhood that we can, trying to give them the things that we didn’t have growing up – but at what point does this become too much?

Maybe if I had constant help (the way my own mother did) none of this would feel as overwhelming. I don’t hear stories about my mom grabbing a beer after the kids were in bed because the day was stressful. But as for me or my whine fest friends?  We gladly click our beers together.

We are a new breed of moms – the generation of parenting I think still needs tons of sorting out because we have way too much on our plates.

Until then, feel free to join us at whine fest, the door is always open – and stressed out Theta Moms are always welcome.

This is MY Jersey Shore

Many people who have never been to the Garden State (let alone the Jersey Shore) immediately think of the MTV Show. They think of a bunch of young, drunk kids hitting the club scene and doing the daily GTL. They think of that little beach house and the T-shirt shop on the Seaside strip.

It’s a shame, really – because those who actually grew up here know that there is SO much more to the Jersey Shore than that frackin show.

And yes, I am from the Jersey Shore unlike the majority of that cast (all but one member is even from the shore) so it’s such a lame representation of The REAL Jersey Shore.

Back in September of 2011, Hurricane Irene paid us a visit and nearly washed our beach house away. But, even Irene couldn’t wash away what will forever be in our hearts – the tons and tons of memories from every single summer spent there.

Now that June is upon us and the summer is nearly here, I thought it would be best to pay homage to The Jersey Shore – the REAL Jersey Shore.

This…this is MY Jersey Shore.

The Evolution of Blogging: Part II

Throughout my blogging journey I’ve always been open and honest, sharing my experiences and what I’ve encountered as a blogger for nearly three years. Well, today is no different. I am sharing again.

And I’m calling it the evolution of blogging – part II, if you will.

What I noticed about that blogging post I wrote a couple of weeks ago is the fact that I appeared to strike a chord with many of YOU. Apparently, I am not alone in feeling the wave of change in this bloggy space. Between my own words and the comments received on that post, I observed some interesting points that add to this dialogue about the evolution of blogging…

1. Many of us started blogging when our children were babies, but many of us have left the baby stage.  I have to be honest and tell you that when I began Theta Mom® I did not see past the “baby” stage because when you’re in it, it feels like an eternity. Your life is SO consumed with sleepless nights and spit-up that it’s hard to think about anything else. Blogging became my outlet at that time in my life and I certainly was not thinking about when my kid turned ten considering I was just trying to get through the damn day.

Three years ago, my life consisted of raising a toddler and an infant, so I was VERY interested in conversing and following mom blogs that were going through a similar stage – we were in it together. But now, as my kids are older, I am far beyond the baby stage so I am not as interested in sippy cups or diaper bags – so this is a huge part of the evolution.

2. As our children get older, our interests change. And so do our blogs. Time, it’s such a precious commodity and it’s harder and harder to come by these days. When we had little babies we were pretty much chained to the house, so we were a community connected online – all of the time. But, as our children are growing up, so are our blogs. We are spending more time offline than online and it’s become increasingly harder to maintain a consistent readership through this change. Does it mean I have to stop blogging or not follow some of these other mom blogs? Of course not. But, it does mean that my interests have changed and my blog is taking on a new direction and from what I gather, many of you are experiencing the same kind of transition – which is another part of this evolution.

3. As our blogs change and our priorities shift, so does our love affair with social media. For me, Pinterest did me in. It was that final social media platform that put me over the edge. Trying to keep up with it all AND maintain a blog, business and raise a family was just too much. And of course I blogged about that shift, too. Again, it comes down to how much time you have to put into this and where you need to be most productive when you are online. Social Media was beginning to run my life and although I’ve built a business and have thrived in this space, I definitely reached a point where I needed to realign my priorities.

So, what added value did I just bring to the table in part II of this conversation? The idea that I am NOT alone in this journey because so many of you are in the exact same blogging boat.

Does it mean we have to give it all up? HELL NO.

But, it does mean that we should stop and smell the roses from time to time and continue to write because it makes us happy. End of story.

And all of this evolution stuff? Well, that’s just another script in this crazy blog journey waiting to unfold and only time will tell what happens.

So with that, cheers Theta Moms – here’s to another new chapter…

If you are a blogger, I would love to know your thoughts on this topic of “blog evolution.” Have you thought about it at all? Are you experiencing this blog shift? What are your plans moving forward in the blog world?

Home

Many of you who know me and read my blog know that my husband and I are going through some changes in our lives right now – changes that we know will ultimately be for the better, but changes that also come with some uncharted territory which can be pretty scary.

Scary, until one thing happens along the new path that makes us realize we are moving in the right direction. It’s kind of like God’s way of saying, “It’s going to be ok” – as if all of this was meant to be.

Yesterday, my husband received the first sign and I think if you asked him, he would agree that this new path was all meant to be. So this post is dedicated to my husband, the man I chose to spend the rest my life with – no matter where we land, we are on this path together.

The song “Home” from my favorite American Idol Phillip Phillips really hits close to home for me personally so I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my husband – and remind him that I will be by his side every single step of the way and I will continue to make this place his home.

“Hold on…to me as we go 

As we roll down, this unfamiliar road

And although this wave is stringin’ us along

Just know you’re not alone

Cause’ I’m gonna make this place your home

Settle down…

It’ll all be clear

Don’t pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

Trouble, it might drag you down

If you get lost

You can always be found

Just know you’re not alone

Cause’ I’m gonna make this place your home.”

Etched in My Mind

When she entered a room she commanded attention.

She was strikingly beautiful.

She wore a classy black cocktail dress and gorgeous high heels. She was thin, blonde and just absolutely stunning.

I never met this woman before but saw her from afar at a recent family function. She was the kind of woman who lit up the room and as I continued to watch her, I was envious of her.

I wanted to be thinner – thin just like her. I wanted to be blonder – just like her. I wanted to rock that short cocktail dress and high heels – just like her. I wanted to command attention from everyone in the room – just like her.

From the outside, this woman appeared to have it all.

A few moments later, my sister-in-law came over with a glass of wine and sat next to me. She saw me watching that woman from across the room and she whispered, “I can’t even imagine. She has a husband and a twelve year-old son. It’s so tragic.”

“Tragic? What do you mean?” I asked.

I was completely confused.

 “Oh, they didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

My sister-in-law’s eyes welled up.

“Heather, she has cancer. It’s terminal.”

Terminal.

The woman who I was staring at – the one that I wished I could be more like – is currently battling cancer and slowly, she’s losing the battle.

I turned my head in absolute disbelief and in that moment, I saw my husband through the kitchen window. He was playing in the yard chasing my children. They were playing, laughing, living.

There I was just moments before wishing I was a little more like that woman in the black dress but the crazy part is, she probably saw me from across the room and wished she was a little more like me. Or the person sitting next to me.

It’s amazing how you think from the onset some people may have it all – but the reality is, you never truly know what people are dealing with.

I got up from the kitchen table and quickly walked towards the door. Once outside, I ran to my kids. I hugged them a little tighter and grabbed my husband’s hand.

I didn’t want to let go.

And about that stunning woman in the little black dress that I didn’t have the pleasure to formally meet that day? Well, she’s another person who is etched in my mind for a lifetime.