Subscribe & receive all blog updates straight to your email!

Theta Mom®

Redefining Motherhood

What ‘Having it All’ Should Be

There’s been so much talk of women trying to “have it all” these days. Articles have been published recently encouraging us to even teach our girls at a young age to “have it all.” I may be in the minority when I say this, but I actually disagree. I don’t want to teach my daughter to have it all – I want to teach her that she CAN have it all, just not at the same time. And that the “having it all” ideal should be one that is created be HER, it should not be based on attaining an ideal of what society thinks it should be.

There’s so much pressure on girls as it is these days, far more things to think about than when I was growing up.

And as women and mothers, there’s so much pressure put on us, too.

We freak out if our kid isn’t hitting certain milestones when the experts say they should. We feel inferior if we don’t bake homemade goodies for the PTA bake sale and we agonize over our kids’ education. We have pressure from society – as if there’s some magical timeline of when we should get married, when we should start a family and when we should be chasing after that career…

I’m sick and tired of living in a world where society has defined what “having it all” means for us. It’s about time that we started to define it for ourselves and let our daughters figure out what that means for them, too because “having at all” should be completely subjective. THAT is the kind of encouragement we should be fostering with our children.

For some women, having it all means simply being lucky enough to stay at home and raise her children. For others, having it all is attaining that dream career and for some others, it’s staying single and traveling the world. And the list goes on…

I know I don’t want to teach my daughter to look for the perfect house, the perfect spouse, the dream career AND the dream kids. She should be thinking about what makes her whole as a person, what makes her happy and THAT is what she should strive toward. Of course I hope she gets married, raises a family and goes after that career – she CAN have those things and I WANT her to have those things, but she just probably won’t get them all AT THE SAME TIME.

And honestly, THAT is the other message I want for my daughter.

I WANT her to chase her dreams, no matter how big or small. I want her to make her own decisions and follow her heart – it’s the value system I was raised on. My parents let me chase the dream of being a professional dancer in NYC and paid for my college education (entering as a Dance Major knowing full well how challenging life may be with juggling a husband and children). But, they supported me every step of the way and I plan to give that support and encouragement to my daughter, no matter how lofty her dreams may seem or how unrealistic they may be at the time.

But what I won’t give my daughter is the illusion that she can “have it all” the way society has defined it – I want her to create her OWN definition of “having it all” and generate her own timeline.

I want my daughter to chase after her dreams with full abandon and remind her that she CAN have it all – whatever that means for her.

No, I Won’t Be Attending Your Pool Party

Pool parties should be nothing but a place where you can float on a raft with a large cocktail in your hand, a place where there is no splashing nearby and no kids screaming. The perfect pool parties were meant for you to float alone during this sunbathing and drink-fest crusade – drifting along in your own little universe. Pool party invites that include my two kids should be illegal because there is absolutely nothing F-U-N about it. If you are a Theta Mom® to-be or a mama of a newborn, you probably haven’t experienced the pool-party-from-hell-with-your-toddlers just yet.

But fear not, I’m sure you will – and you’ll remember this post.

I’m attempting to shield you from some of the pool party agony, so here are some tips for surviving that dreadful day.

  • Wear a comfortable bathing suit and get ready to flash the guests. Why? Because your boobs will be hanging out all over the place as you bend down 1,000,000 times to pick up the crap that you’ll need for your kids from your overloaded-full-of-so-much-crap-you-can’t-find-a-goddamn-thing pool bag. Your butt will be in everyone’s face as you bend down to attend to your annoying, screaming toddler who either just got splashed or isn’t sure if she’s ready to go into the pool.
  • Bring earplugs. No, this isn’t for you as you swim or go underwater, they are actually for your own sanity. You will hear the harsh screams from not only your annoying child but from those around you. They will be everywhere. There will be so much noise you will want to drown out, so be sure to put the earplugs in securely and leave them in for the duration of the party.
  • Forget the flip-flops, lace up your running shoes. You will be in and out of the pool 1,000 times and in and out of the house to use the bathroom 1,000 times. No matter how much you try to avoid the drama or how prepared you think you are, it will happen. And just when you lotion them all up and finally think you’ll have a few moments to sit and relax, your kid will be in the pool no less than five minutes before you hear the words, “I have to pee.”
  • Be ready to perspire. A lot. I’ve never attended a pool party when it wasn’t blazing hot outside.  I’m talking about the kind of summer weather that makes you sweat just standing there. Well, the beads of sweat will drip down your face and along your back and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it so don’t even think about sporting your expensive makeup. There will be times you’ll actually want to drown yourself in that pool to cool off, but your indecisive child will make you hold her hand for the entire time as you just dip your toe in.
  • Prepare for your Oscar winning role. Yes, you’ll be putting on a happy face throughout the duration of this party. You will have to fake a smile to everyone you meet, letting them think you’re having a wonderful time. Meanwhile, you want to choke your kids and just b-line it straight for the bar. You will be so envious of the women who are childless at the party who continue to sip their cocktails at leisure who are enjoying some quality adult conversation. At that very moment, you will actually question why the hell you said yes to attend this pool party.

That’s right – YOU are the Theta Mom® chasing your three year-old around the entire length of the pool, trying to keep your cool as you fake a smile and call her name, hoping she doesn’t fall in and drown as your boobs are flying out of your bathing suit and sweat is dripping down your face…and all you really want is five measly minutes alone, at the bar with a beer.

But that won’t ever happen.

Take it from me – say NO to that pool party and instead, turn on the sprinkler in your backyard for the kids, pull up a lawn chair and pour yourself an extra large cocktail as you soak up some sun.

You’ll have a much better time, I guarantee it.

You’re welcome.

Three Years of Theta Mom®

I thought of a million ways to write this post. A million ways to start it and a million ways to end it. And I must have about ten versions of this very post sitting on my laptop because none of them felt quite right to hit publish.

Perhaps I am waiting for some magical epiphany or maybe my expectations are set way too high. Or maybe I’m looking for perfection in an imperfect world or maybe I am still meandering my way through this blogging journey – or maybe, just maybe, it’s a little bit of all of the above.

You see, today is my blogoversary. Three years to be exact.

I have nearly 450 posts sitting happily on this blog and thousands upon thousands of words and comments that have been documented, read and shared.  

Now that’s some pretty powerful stuff, don’t you think?

Since I’ve reached such a milestone, I feel as though the words I am crafting together today should be carefully placed, or somehow, more meaningful than they have ever been. But the truth is, the more I try to create something perfect, it loses its value – the value of just being REAL.

{INSERT EPIPHANY HERE}

Being authentic is why I started my blog.

I created Theta Mom® because I wanted to write and share my words with the world.

I wanted to spill my heart out on the kind of topics and experiences that mattered to me most and in the process, hopefully connect with other women from around the world who understood what I was going through. And those of you who have been around these parts know that I’ve certainly achieved that…and a whole lot more.

More than I could have ever imagined.

A few days ago, I tweeted a question out to my followers (as I was on the ninth draft of this post) simply asking, “What I love *most* about blogging is ___________.” Well, here are some of the responses I was able to fit into a screenshot:

My twitter feed reminded me of the *very* reason I began this blog three years ago – to connect with fellow Theta Moms.

The first page I ever published in 2009 was my Mission. I wrote, “I invite you to join forces with me to revolutionize the way we think about our role as mothers. We need to begin the dialogue about what it truly means to be a Theta Mom®: The True Authentic Mom.”

And to this day, I am SO proud of the fact that I am still serving that purpose – I have stayed true to myself and I continue to be REAL.

Although, I must admit that I thought I would be in a different place during this three year celebration. I finished writing an ebook several months ago but haven’t hit publish on it yet. With so many things going on in my life offline, I just haven’t found the right time to begin promoting, marketing and successfully selling this fabulous ebook – but when the time is right, you’ll be the first to know when it launches. And of course I hope you’ll support it.

I am still figuring out where I will ultimately land in the bloggy landscape and so until then, I will continue to keep doing what I’m doing – blogging when I have something to say and doing it with authenticity.

And to the readers who have been with me, whether it’s been days or years, I thank you – for making this a wonderful space for women to feel safe, for reminding me that my words matter to someone reading and for opening up your lives to me and sharing in this experience.

It really wouldn’t be the same without you.

Where will Theta Mom® be a year from now? I really don’t have a clue. But what I can tell you is no matter where I end up, you can count on me for being REAL – which is certainly something worth celebrating, especially in the bloggy culture that exists today.

And this, my friends, turned out to be a perfect post.

Ten Years

What do you get when you go away without the kids for FOUR days…

AND

You put my hubs

and the perfect table

and an amazing sunset

together?

 

You get MAGIC.

 

And one hell of a way to celebrate a 10 year anniversary.

On My Way

Standing there with much trepidation, I waited for him.

I watched him from afar as he gleamed from ear to ear. When the Pomp and Circumstance began, I had glimpses of him as a baby. As cliché as this may sound, it was as though my life was flashing before my eyes. I had a clear vision of him as an infant and my mind conjured up many toddler memories.

I was seeing life with him in every season – every milestone echoed with laughter and smiles. It was all coming back.

With my camera in one hand and a tissue in the other, I experienced a sequential flashback of my son’s life; it was a montage of sorts and I was having a difficult time keeping the tears away.

I never imagined I would feel this way at a Kindergarten graduation.

I mean, I was THAT mom who swore she would be throwing a party when the time came. Instead of getting all emotional, I thought I was going to be THAT mom who poked fun at other moms who couldn’t keep it together. I mean, it’s a milestone in which they are finally getting out of our hair, so wasn’t this a time of absolute celebration?

Last year, I blogged about my son entering Kindergarten, sharing how I was SO ready for this change to take place and I was ready to let go.

But now that it’s actually over, I feel melancholy because it’s official.

My baby is growing up.

The moment he started singing On My Way performed by Phil Collins, I lost it. There he was snapping his fingers, bending his knees, smiling before the audience and belting out the words that rattled my heart:

“Tell everybody I’m on my way. New friends and new places to see,

With blue skies ahead, yes I’m on my way and there’s nowhere else that I’d rather be.

 Tell everybody I’m on my way and I’m loving every step I take,

With the sun beating down, yes I’m on my way and I can’t keep this smile off my face…”

I could barely keep my composure. I was lucky if I was able to take some pictures because my hands were trembling. I was a total emotional wreck.

Because in that moment, I saw wings on his back.

He was beginning to fly.

And with every word he sang, it was as if he was telling me – “Mommy, it’s ok. I’m ready. I’m on my way now.”

As happy and proud as I was to stand there and watch my son fly, I couldn’t help but stop to think – if only I could make time stand still, just for a little while longer.

It’s just all happening so fast.

Ready or not, my baby is on his way – so now I’ve got to figure out how to get on my way, too.