I have been doing so much soul searching the last few months about my life, my kids, this blog, all of it. My kids are getting older and the real questions about blogging have recently been, “Do I want more from this – do I need more?”
And my answer is a resounding yes. I want more from this.
I need more.
But, what? What is this need I speak of?
It almost feels like I am experiencing an identity crisis, like who am I? And what do I want to be when I grow up?
Like many other “mom bloggers” I fell into this industry almost by accident. I didn’t wake up one day saying, “Hey, when I grow up, I want to start a mom blog.” At the time, this whole blogging thing was not even on my radar and the truth is we all know this job takes endless hours of blood, sweat, and tears – and I am far from rich off of this thing.
But, where do I go from here? I no longer have babies at home that need me every second of every day. I no longer have that insane juggling act of working from home and raising babies because my kids are in school full-time.
And then, I have that fancy graduate degree from Columbia University hanging in my office staring at me each day along with an impressive resume and over a decade of experience – so now what?
Well, let me digress for a moment…because of this little ol’ blog, I managed to attend every single event at school for my children and I literally watched my babies grow up. Unfortunately, many full-time working women cannot say that and I know firsthand because I used to be one of those women.
You see, before I started this new career online I went back to work full-time when my son was ten-months old as he was placed in the hands of day care. I have been on both sides of the fence and one of my absolute favorite posts I ever wrote is called You are Not Alone where I address many of these issues. To date, it’s one of my proudest moments here at Theta Mom®.
Then, in 2011, I announced to the world that blogging IS a real job. I am still so damn proud of that fact because I managed to turn a blog into a business.
Yet now, I stand at another crossroad.
At this time in my life, do I attempt to re-enter the workforce, to the very career I left behind? Or do I continue to foster what I have spent every single day of my life building right here these last five years?
To help me sort out some of these questions, I read a few books to help clear my head and provide me with some guidance and insight. I soaked up every word of Maria Shriver’s Just Who Will You Be which answered several questions that have been keeping me up at night.
Shriver talked a lot about how many women at some point in their lives experience an identity crisis; she described her own personal experience being born into a famous political family which forced her to work even harder to make a name for herself. Through years of hard work moving up the ranks in television, she married a famous movie star and was immediately seen as “Mrs. Famous Movie Star’s Wife” and later, “The First Lady of the State of California” which truly blurred the lines for her on what SHE really wanted to be on her own terms.
I find myself in a similar spot in my life right now.
No, I am not married to a famous actor or a man in politics, but I have been asking myself the question – just who will I be? For so many years when I had a steadfast career, I defined myself by THAT title. Ivy League Graduate. Educator. School Administrator. Instructional Designer. Adjunct Professor. I even defined my worth as I proudly displayed each badge of honor and now, I am not quite sure of what my title is anymore…
So, who am I?
Perhaps I should be asking, “WHY do I define my value as a professional and on my personal happiness solely on a title?” If I were to return to the traditional workforce to attain a fancy new title again, although I would be earning much more money, the REAL question is, would I truly be happy?
My short answer? No.
So what’s in a title, anyway?
As housewives, mothers, caregivers, caretakers, business owners, and women working numerous jobs around the clock in the midst of trying to juggle it all, that definition of “just who we will be” will come in time and mean different things to every single one of us. It’s up to us to discover our authentic selves, the one that makes us truly happy.
“May you always remember to trust your own heart, listen to your own voice, and have the courage to discover…Just Who You Will Be.” –Maria Shriver
Maybe, just maybe, all of those previous failed attempts at re-entering a former career are simply God’s way of leading me toward a different path…the path I was always meant to travel. For me, this means being personally and professionally fulfilled – on my own terms.
This is so where I’m at right now. My son starts school full time in September, and I’m having so much anxiety about it. I don’t know what to do. While I didn’t leave a fancy job behind, I just can’t see myself going back to it. I want more. I want to be creative, but I’m scared and I don’t know how to get there. I want to start contributing financially so my hubs doesn’t have to continue to bust his butt. Ugh. So lost right now.
I love that Maria Shiver book, I read it years ago. I recently Purchased Anna Quindlen’s book, as well. I’m new to you community, but I think you’ve done a wonderful job! It looks like writing is in your heart.
Thanks so much Allie, I really appreciate that!
I am right here with you. My girls are in school now full-time but the difference for me is that, although I do have a bunch of fancy degrees, I’ve realized that my dream job is to be a writer and by becoming a blogger it segued itself perfectly into me becoming a writer..as my profession. I sometimes think maybe I should go get a job outside the house but then how can I ever reason replacing my dream job for something that just isn’t as fulfilling?
I’m a full-time working mom who loves to blog. I have a son that is in school (pre-k). I work for a very large corporate company and have been in this field for over 10 years. I would give anything to work from home, blog and be able to have free time to go to my sons events in school. I’m missing out on so much. Going to work is not the same in this day and age. Companies today are looking to pay people very little and make you work long hours. I have to fight for a pay raise, fight to have flexible hours to be able to pick up my son from school and fight to get time off for sick days when my child is sick. Having a career is not fulfilling by any means. It’s a paycheck. I’m currently in the process of publishing my first children’s book and I’m trying to launch my mom blog to new heights. I started my blog in 2009 but didn’t really push hard for traffic. I’m hoping to replace my income with my book and blogging. But I’m not getting my hopes up.
If you have the opportunity to stay home and blog, doing what you love to do, keep doing it!
It sounds like you have a great gig. I echo what Jennifer states above. I work full-time and am certainly proud of the support I can offer my family – and there are professional achievements I appreciate. But I would love to have your situation. I do some blogging as well and love to write. I don’t get to do it often enough with my schedule, but it is something I love to do. It’s something that is all my own. As your kids get older, I’m sure the flexibility you have will still be desired. There will be after-school activities and homework and just being there for your tweens/teens. I think it is healthy and great to just keep evaluating what you want – and in yuor case it sounds like you have options. Good luck with your journey – and forget about the titles. They are over-rated!
Thanks for reading and sharing Kerry!
I’m slowly coming around to the idea that titles are over-rated and you completely reaffirmed that. 😉 And I consider myself very lucky that I managed to have choices made available to me. If I didn’t start blogging five years ago, this would not even be a remote option.
Here’s the thing – for women like me who chose to leave the workforce to be home with our kids (I telecommuted for two universities at the time), even though we made that choice to leave, I don’t understand why *it’s so hard to get back in.* I know I am not alone because so many other women I talk to that have left and are ready to re-enter, feel the same.
Maybe this response is inspiring me to write another post. xo
I struggle with this question all.the.time. I’ve written about it so much! Like Kerry said above, it’s so awesome that you keep evaluating were you are in each different phase of life. Inspirational Heather! Totally inspirational!
So glad you wrote this, I have been thinking about it so much these days, so many different opinions from people on what I should be doing or not doing. Glad to read I’m not the only mom out there thinking all these things through!
I am ordering Shriver’s book today … sounds fascinating and I definitely need some guidance as I parse some of the same questions you outline. Thank you! xox
It’s such a quick and easy read Lindsey and it forces you to think about your own life after reading her experience. I found a copy at my local library, see if your library has it, too. 😉
I’m not there yet, as I still have a child at home, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for when I am “alone” at home.
I’ve begun going back to school part-time in hopes it will lead to perhaps a new career. And it has to stay a part-time, because for now, I’m needed full-time by my kids
I love this post. I totally feel that crossroads and try to figure out what I *really* want versus what I think I might want.
I am thankful for blogging to show me that I can do something else other than the teaching job I left almost 8 years ago.
Great post – thanks for sharing!
I’ve actually been thinking about this. At my job, there is a lot of pressure to continue to work harder, start a research lab, get additional training, publish papers, etc etc etc. And I’m having to say that enough is enough, that I’m happy with what I have, that I’m not going to take on more. This often reads as lack of ambition to my coworkers. But I’m trying to portray it as contentment with my current situation. I don’t want to contine to work harder and harder. I want to have time to enjoy my children.