Your fifth grader comes home and announces she wants to play soccer. As you speak the words, “Wow, that’s great honey,” your heart sinks because you know exactly what she’s about to be up against – since your daughter never played a day of soccer in her life.
For the last ten years, a swarm of girls have played soccer since they were three; they were on travel teams together and coached by private instructors. Their skills were accelerated through parental coaching both on and off the field. They attended expensive and exclusive summer camps and can run circles around other kids.
So when your daughter comes home from school and shares that she wants to play a sport for the very first time in her entire life? Yes, you know this is going to be a real challenge.
What happened to the days of playing a sport for F-U-N?
What happened to the days of playing a sport for social interaction, to build relationships and foster a child’s self-esteem?
Instead, parents feel pressured to place kids at the age of five directly into a youth sport. Then they pray to the sports-Gods that their children have the kind of skill set required to take them to the next level and if they don’t, parents quickly throw their kids into another sport and pray to the Gods again.
It’s a vicious cycle.
As a parent, you think you’re doing the right thing by getting your child involved in something they show an interest in. But the pressure mounts the moment your child shows doubt or sadness. Slowly, they begin to lose interest in the very sport or activity they were once so excited about because they feel as though they are not good enough. They sit more and more on the sidelines and their self-esteem diminishes as each game passes.
Suddenly, other kids are light years ahead of your child and now, she knows it. And this is the very moment when your heart breaks.
You want to do anything in your power to stop this hurt. You want to immediately try another sport or activity and once you do, you quickly see the cycle has started again. In this day and age, it’s a never-ending battle.
Why?
Because unless your child starts to play a sport at an early age, the odds are stacked against your child to feel accomplished in that sport. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but the reality is that it’s very tough to break into a sport late in the game, especially when other kids have years upon years of training over your kid.
Don’t get me wrong – if a child loves a sport and is passionate about it, I absolutely encourage the idea of supporting your child to foster a deep interest and skill for the game. However, the problem begins when it’s just not fun for the kid anymore – it feels more like a job with grueling practice schedules, intense games, long tournaments and endless hours of private coaching.
Youth sports shouldn’t feel like a job.
When I was a child, I cheered for Pop Warner from an early age – but guess what? We didn’t compete. We didn’t attend fancy summer camps. We didn’t have a grueling practice schedule because I was only in elementary school and it was fun. I made some of the best friendships from that team and we didn’t contend with one another, we were a team. We had fun and it was AWESOME.
Unfortunately, I don’t think our kids have fun anymore – they’re too busy trying to keep up with the rest of the team without feeling lost in the process. Or, they’re playing a sport because their parents pushed them into it and everyone is just hoping for the best.
It’s a sad reality for kids in America and I wish I had the magic answer that would make things reverse to a different time; a time such as 1985 when kids had the chance to play a sport, meet some new friends, and just have fun without all of this pressure and competition.
So when your fifth grader comes home and asks to play soccer for the very first time in her life, take a deep breath and encourage her – and then be there to lift her up if she falls.
Rebecca D says
I couldn’t agree more. I have one child who started sports earlier and another who isn’t that interested. I have wondered what to do when they request to play a sport that others have been playing for years and have private coaching.
Damon says
Awesome post. I loved soccer as a wee thing, but didn’t do sports between the ages of about 12 and 16. By the time I got around to it, most team sports teen athletes were beyond me both in experience and physical prowess. I was built well for track, which was fun, but ultimately still competitive. Something was missing. For what it’s worth, it wasn’t until karate around the age of 17 that I found a physical activity which made me feel successful and physically healthy.
Allie says
I love this posty and couldn’t agree more. I have four kids and the first two (twins, one with autism) were premature and involved in therpaies to ctahc them up whne they were in preschool. When the typical twin announced he wanted to play basketball in fourth grade – I was “too late buddy.” Not really, but you know what I mean. I didn’t start play soccer when I was a kid until 5th grade – and I played for four FUN years. My daughter is in dance, which isn’t as bad as sports, but she’s lost touch with her girlfriends who have chosen the cheerleading route – because they’re every NIGHT after school (elementary school) and gone on the weekends.
Number four is coming up in the ranks, kindergarten, and I’m trying to get him to agree to a sport, even though he’s probably not ready and doesn’t want too, because I’ve learned that it’s now or never.
So sad!
Kate Pantier says
Heather!! I was the same way. I didn’t start playing basketball until 5th grade. I went on to play basketball & run cross country in college on scholarship!! I’m not some raw talent either, I just worked hard. I promise promise promise she won’t be behind for long if that’s how she’s feeling now & I can tell you that’s because my parents worked hard for me to enjoy it, they made it fun & they supported me when it was difficult.
I so enjoyed my sports years, I’m still a runner today, I would love to be playing in a volleyball or basketball women’s league if we had one in our area. I won’t hijack your comment section, but I could write a novel on the rewards sports gave me!! I hope your daughter has a blast, she will be fantastic especially since she has a mom like you who is aware of the complications of sports today!
Theta Mom says
Hey girl, you can hijack my comments anytime! 😉 Actually, I wrote the post not from direct experience (my oldest is in 2nd grade) but from a perspective of what I have seen & heard from other friends who have experienced this. I’m so glad you had a positive experience! I hope the post didn’t come off too negative, I was just trying to share a realistic viewpoint – it’s all so different these days, not like when we were kids. 😉
Kate Pantier says
Oh no, I didn’t think you were negative at all! I was just telling what sports were like for me. And I agree with you, the crazy parents on the soccer field watching the 4 year old teams play was ridiculous. There were a lot of parents out there trying to overcompensate for never having played sports or trying to relive their glory days through their preschooler. It was emotionally draining some days!
I just was trying to say that your daughter won’t be too far behind & won’t stay behind as long as she works hard & has your support, she’ll be amazing I’m sure!