I recently read a guest post on Elizabeth’s blog that completely resonated with me written by Jeannett from Life Rearranged. She writes so eloquently about the state of the blogosphere in this piece and it’s so damn good, I wish I wrote it myself.
Upon reading her words, I reflected back on a post I wrote not too long ago called Creating Blog Content that I Can Live With. However, the issues Jeannett raised in her post move far beyond the “over-sharing” piece of blogging. She touches on the idea that perhaps bloggers have lost their step, that the pendulum in the big bloggy spectrum has gone too far in the other direction and I couldn’t agree with her more. Jeannett writes,
“It’s the blog posts that decree the importance of painting the “real” picture. It’s the victorious attitude that not only are there failures, but now they are badges of honor…it’s cool to be a crappy mom. It’s funny to say you don’t really like your kids.”
When I started blogging, before I even wrote my first post I created and published a Mission statement. I wanted readers to know when they landed on my blog exactly who I was and what I was about – what this blog was about. And never once in my four years of blogging have I ever swayed from that promise; the promise of keeping this blog an authentic space made up of a supportive community of women who understand each other. But, in the midst of being “real” I have also always remained passionate and professional because I would never publish anything at the expense of another…especially my children.
What saddens me over the last couple of years is the “trend” of blogging I’ve also noticed that is happening for the sake of a popular post or a popular status update. Once day, our children will be old enough to read our blogs and peek through our timelines so the question really becomes, “If your kid read through the years of your digital footprint, would he or she be ok with it all?”
Am I perfect? No, I never claimed to be. Have I created some updates that I wish I didn’t write or share? Absolutely. But have I succumbed to this social media wildfire that seems to put “failed moms” on a pedestal? Absolutely not.
This is where my line is drawn.
Whether you like it or not, if you share on the internet you’re creating a digital footprint and as bloggers, our words do have weight. So before you go blogging every little detail of your “failed life at motherhood” or create those “lame mom” updates, you better think long and hard how this will affect you down the line – especially your children.
Parenting isn’t perfect.
Motherhood isn’t perfect and I started this blog to start that conversation. I, too, want to share the reality of motherhood.
But I am a mom with a moral compass, and for me, no matter how gritty and tough motherhood may get or seem, I will not succumb to the proud “failed mom” status update because that’s just not me.
To the bloggers who are just embarking on this wild crazy journey, before you post that latest blog or embarrassing status update about your kids, or how much motherhood sucks, think of this:
“As we tell the stories of our lives, as we choose the pieces of the journey to tell, let us not forget the little faces we are portraying.”
Amen.
Lastly, I leave you with this: On mom blogging and our digital footprint – what is the blog legacy you’re creating and how do you want to be remembered?
I have noticed moms wearing those “failed mother” updates as a badge of pride, too, and that saddens me. It is important to remember that what we say about our kids online will last forever. I write about my daughter, and about motherhood, but I always try to remember that this story does not just belong to me. I don’t want to be the cause of teasing or ridicule later on in my daughter’s life because of a few words written for a quick laugh or a few pageviews.
There’s been a lot of discussion about this topic of late. Kristin from What She Said and Alison from Writing, Wishing both had very thought provoking posts on this topic. I also wrote a piece called “Is Hating Motherhood the New Black?” that addresses this, too.
http://www.kludgymom.com/happy-mom/
Thanks for the link Gigi, I think you nailed it when you said that as moms, we have a connection to one another and we don’t feel so alone in motherhood. Sharing has been the big draw for many of us and is the reason why we started blogging in the first place.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong writing with humor and sarcasm, but basing an entire online presence in a negative way daily? That’s where I draw the line.
Thank you for the shout out, Gigi. xo
{Melinda} A read your post a while back, Gigi… My blogging partner and I talked about how good and completely spot on it was.
I think it all depends on the person. I enjoy humor. Crude humor too. I think it takes another person that appreciates crude humor to understand it. And that’s perfectly fine that some don’t agree with it.
I think it’s awesome you know what you want to be a part of and what you don’t want to be a part of.
My interpretation on humor in motherhood isn’t portraying the “failed mother” status. I would never want that. But I definitely make some remarks that others could find offensive. But I think that’s part of being a blogger – knowing some will like your writing, some won’t.
I think you make excellent points about our digital footprint Heather. I do make comments about my own failures (burning dinner, needing wine by 5, forgetting field trip money etc.) and I think hearing from other moms that they do the same is a huge relief but never about my children. I know we’ve talked about this a little before but having a daughter who is more than old enough to read my blog has really put into perspective for me what their eyes may see.
I think the key here is to be authentic, no matter what the current blog trend is. So many times I read blogs where the writer is ‘trying’ to be sarcastic/funny or tell ‘failed moment’ stories and it just doesn’t translate well. Other writers are able to do it and it works. It leaves you laughing and relating. A reader will always be able to tell what’s authentic and what’s not; whether it generates 5 readers or 500.
I am a person who writes regularly about my parenting fails – emphasis on the my. My kids are awesome; I am not. When I first started blogging, I remember feeling alienated from all these moms who were homeschooling and cooking gourmet meals and doing amazing science experiments with their toddlers and doing yoga every morning. Then I discovered a mom who (basically) did all of those things, but didn’t talk down to her audience about how great she was. She’s still one of my all time favorite bloggers. I absolutely agree with Bailey’s point, it’s all about authenticity. Some of those moms who are snarkaholics today were telling stories about how their toddlers create museum-worthy art a few years ago.
I love this, Heather. I agree entirely. Somehow in the last year or two I’ve noticed that many in the blogosphere seem to have crossed over from talking about the humor – some of it dark – involved in parenting to point-blank mocking of this endeavor or, worse, the children themselves. I’m just not down with that. There is plenty to laugh at in my life, and I’m happy to do so – but I don’t loathe my children, ever, even when they exasperate me. And I’m not willing to make jokes at their expense. They didn’t ask for that. Thanks for reminding us of why we do this. xox
I think most moms express in their blogs what they express at home. If your children know you as one who does not cross the line, then you won’t cross it on a blog. On the other hand, if moms express their frustrations openly at home around their children (in ways that some would consider too negative), then they’ll do it on their blog. I believe the children will either consider it their “normal” and will inherit the attitude of the mom, or rebel against it and try to be different from their moms. They may be hurt by some things seen on the digital footprint later in their lives, but they probably won’t be shocked. All of this is speaking generally, of course.
Thought provoking post and links.
I’ve written about this, talked about this with other bloggers, and searched my heart and mind as to what kind of blogger I want to be to my readers, what kind of mother I want to be to my children, in real life and online.
I get that many love and relate to the bloggers who write regularly about how they suck at parenting, I’ve confessed to being less than stellar too. What I don’t understand is when bloggers cross a line (my definition of one anyway), to make fun of their children or call them names. That’s just a no-no. THAT is what I have issue with, not the fact that mothers are being real on their blogs.
At the end of the day, if there are still readers for these type of blogs, then they will always exist.
{Melinda} I am 1000% with you on this, Heather. We wrote a guest blog post on this very thing a few months ago. I am all about being “real,” but the goal is authenticity, not to “celebrate” and revel in my mothering shortcomings. We can’t simply surrender to them. And, yes, I agree, I only reveal things about my children that are innocuous or that they have read and approved of (they are both teens and believe me, if anything doesn’t suit them, they let me know. This has only happened once.) Generally, our posts focus on our own journey through motherhood, lessons we’ve learned, etc.
I feel SO strongly about this and am glad to see more bloggers addressing this on their blogs. Maybe this sentiment will go viral.
We can hope.
I am so on board with this! And Jeannett’s post was excellent, so thanks for pointing me in that direction. I love your mission statement, and your commitment to it as well. Before I started up my blog, I poked around to see what other dad bloggers were up to. I was largely appalled; it was as if *everything* was a joke. But this ain’t no joke, this parenting thing. It’s ridiculously funny sometimes, but not comedy. It can be utterly heart-wrenching, but not tragedy. It’s complicated, right? To write it well is to keep it that way.
Heather, this is such a big issue for many mom bloggers, and it IS disturbing. I’m glad you blogged about it today, because it’s something I’ve been reflecting about for some time now, I just never wondered if anyone else out there did.
This whole “being real” thing is like the new “sexy” in mom blogging, so it seems. It’s like the more crass or sarcastic you are about sucking at motherhood again this week, the “better” you are at being a mom blogger. Like the others have said: I am all for being real. I am NOT, however, for “being real” just for the sake of it is not something I subscribe to.
Of course, parenting isn’t pretty. Moms want to relate with other mom bloggers on a personal level. But, again, as social media influencers, mom bloggers also have a responsibility to protect their families, period. Writing well as a blogger isn’t about how much dirty laundry there is to share, or how many family experiences we can use as fodder for blog posts. It’s about fostering a community among moms, about being “one” with them, and being “real” so that we empower each other.
This is quite a interesting topic but as far as “Is Hating Motherhood the New Black?” sounds a bit too much.