I haven’t blogged in almost two weeks. I started drafting a post and then I deleted it. I started another draft and after several revisions, I deleted that one as well. I tried one more draft and after reading it through, I realized with so many changes I made throughout the piece, the story no longer resonated with me. I went a few days before writing again but it was obvious that I could not hit publish on that post either.
Quite frankly, this has been happening more and more lately.
When I started this blog, my little boy was three and I also had an infant girl on my hands. I had so much blog fodder daily I couldn’t write fast enough to spill it all. I was virtually tied to the house with my two little ones – and blogging? Well, that was my sanity in those early years.
But now that my kids are nearly eight and five, blogging has changed for me in many ways. I’ve written about the evolution of blogging before, but this goes far beyond the “finding the blog time” issue – now, for me, it becomes a real privacy issue.
I’m not talking about the kind of privacy that includes sharing full names on the blog or tweeting a gazillion Instagram photos of my kids because that’s not how I roll. A long time ago, I decided how and what I was going to share on this blog when it came to my kids but I never thought that one day, I would be face to face with the fact that the stories I share could have a direct impact on their lives – including my own.
Let me explain.
When my kids were really little, the blogging was all about me. This blog described MY experiences in motherhood, MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY reaction to many of the things that I was going through as a mom. I blogged about the crazy days of motherhood through infancy, the body changes, the emotions I experienced, and the ins and outs of motherhood. But now that my kids are older, the storytelling has become less about me and more about them.
And for me, that’s a bit of an issue.
I’m not the first to write about this topic, nor will I be the last. I think this is just another part of the real learning curve on the big bloggy spectrum.
When we moved to a new town last year, I was meeting many new faces and of course I immediately got the question, “What do you do for a living?” Earlier in my blogging career I held onto talking about my former career as an educator and Adjunct Professor – but now that my business (my third baby) is already three years old, I proudly tell the world that I am a blogger – a professional blogger. Yes, this is what I do to put food on the table and I am really proud of what I’ve accomplished.
But, telling the world I have a blog DOES come with a price – the price of privacy.
If I share a story about my kids that may hurt their feelings (even if not today but potentially down the line), then I am putting them in a situation that I am not comfortable with because the storytelling should be more about ME, not them. Now that they are of school age, the tables have turned and blogging feels different. Much different.
Does this mean I am going to stop blogging? To leave the blogosphere? To run from the very thing I’ve poured my blood, sweat, and tears into everyday over the last four years?
Absolutely not.
Perhaps it’s just a hurdle I need to work through along my own blog journey. I must find a balance that will ultimately work for me. Some bloggers share tons of family information, full names, a gazillion personal photos, etc. and that’s great if it works for them – that certainly doesn’t work for me. Neither does the kind of blogging that shares stories of my kids that one day, they may find upsetting.
The internet, as you know, is very real. And it’s forever. I’ve been blogging for nearly four years so I chose to make this blog public. I totally get it. But, once something is out there it’s very hard to take it back, so you may want to think twice before publishing THAT post when your fifteen year-old may one day find it.
I never want to be a blogger with regret.
And I’ve seen it done by other bloggers time and time again…to blog about something just for the sake of a popular post at the expense of my children? No thank you.
Until then, I’ll continue moving forward and work through this blogging learning curve to create content that I can live with – the kind of content that even years from now, my children can live with, too.
I identify with this so completely. Ashlyn has been old enough to read my blog if she wanted to since I started and I have always had to be very careful about what I say about her, knowing that there are many things that are her story to share not mine. Sometimes I will share something funny about her with someone I know and they say “oh you have to blog about that” and I just can’t, it’s not for me to share. Hope you work through this time and find your groove again.
“And they say ‘oh you have to blog about that’ and I just can’t, it’s not for me to share.” <—- Exactly how I am feeling Jessica and my kids don't even read my blog yet. It's such a balance we need to strike and there's no "one size fits all" solution to this.
“And I’ve seen it done by other bloggers time and time again…to blog about something just for the sake of a popular post at the expense of my children? No thank you.”<— AMEN!!!
That's how I feel too. I've written about this a few times & it's the reason I keep getting stuck on what kind of posts to write. I've gotten 100 times more private since starting my blog. It's also why I started a 2nd site that has a focus more on taking care of myself as a mother instead of writing about my kids.
Blogging is an evolutionary process & I'm glad to be a part of the Theta Mom evolution!!!
Thank you so much Kate!! I always try to be honest in what I am thinking and feeling – so glad that came across in this post. xo
Well said! I am a few years behind you with a 2.5 year old and BabyGirl due any day now. Thank you for making me think about how I should proceed in the next few years.
Yes Kris, you are exactly where I was several years ago…glad I could provide you with some food for thought as you travel through your own blog journey!
This is why I love you, your words, your honesty.
My blog has actually less about my son now, I of course still occasionally blog about him but I shift the focus on me, on my personal journey now.
Thank you Maureen! You were one of my first blog readers and you’ve watched me grow and change over the last several years. Thank you so much for your comment and for reading!!
I’m a running blogger, so my blog had my children or my experiences as a mom as a focal point, but I so get where you are coming from. I’ve found myself questioning any and all references to them. And pictures of them are becoming far less frequent. Middle school is hard enough, why add a potential source of angst? Thankfully, as they get older, I can pursue my running goals a little more actively, so I still have things to talk about. Most of the time, anyways.
You have another outlet to blog about and that is wonderful. I’ve seen many “mom bloggers” add in some other elements, turning their blog into a lifestyle brand more than a “personal” blog. Much food for thought – thank you for being part of the conversation here.
Finding the right balance for you and your family can be hard. My husband and I talk over posts I am not sure about. He tends to lean towards sharing less and than may be want is really best.
Yes, it’s such a balance. You were also one of my first readers and have seen my blog change over the years. I suppose this is just another change to expect on the blog journey. Thanks for reading
I wrote about this too, a few weeks ago, about how public our children’s lives are through their parents’ blogs and social media activity. I have always been conscious of what I share about my boys, thinking ahead to when they are old enough to understand what has been put out there.
I think it’s a good thing to think about, and one has to make a choice either way, AND be comfortable with it.
Agreed! And I think this is such an important topic that blog conferences should start covering, especially for women who run “personal” blogs. Not only do we have to make those choices but we then have to live with those decisions. There is no right answer here, it’s all based on each blogger’s comfort level.
I will be getting to this point fairly soon too, especially with my oldest, who I rarely blog about specifically anymore now. You are right, our story definitely changes in many ways as they get older. And that last sentence is key.
Yes Elaine!! I never want to be a blogger with regret and I want to create a blog that my kids would ALWAYS be proud of – thanks for reading mama. xo
I think you are right. Every blogger has to make tough decisions about what they feel comfortable sharing. And it gets harder as our kids get older because they deserve privacy.
I absolutely agree.
I’m totally on board with this! Like you, I’ve made the choice to protect my child’s future privacy above all else, even if it costs a post or two. That’s worth it.
And I too wonder what I’ll write about when my days as stay-at-home-dad are over. And you’re right. It’s a journey, and we’re all trying to figure it out. I suppose that’s what can be so beautiful about blogs; full of honesty that we all crave.
Ah, the bloggy learning curve. I’ve found one of the trickiest tricks in blogging is sifting through the pile of my life and separating the shareable from the sacred. I think that life is cyclical, and sometimes this means taking a step back from what you’ve been doing (blogging) and pursue other opportunities. Life can be quiet, and quiet is good.
I’m a fairly new blogger and have already experienced this. I have no regrets thus far, and don’t see any regrets in my near future. But I completely understand the idea of regretting a post, something out there forever, certain privacy lost by telling someone about your blog.
I think you wrote this very well. And maybe if you’re kids stumble upon a post that hurts their feelings, they’ll stumble upon this one and know that you cared about the thoughts they would have years down the road.
I think THAT is what makes a great blogger. Great post.
I so identify with this. I have chosen to remain mostly anonymous. My name is not publicly attached to my blog. As such, I’ve blogged more honestly. I have considered coming out, if you will, several times, but ultimately decide that I would have to take too much down and it would change the face of my blog too much.
I’ve gone through this also. Recently I started to change the way I blog. I still include little stories about my son and family but it’s in tidbit bites. Enough to share but hopefully not enough to embarrass or be an issue later. I’m also turning the focus back to me and my interests. I’m sure you’ll find the right feel for what you want to blog about. Hang in there and work through it
I struggle with this too. I write about raising my tween kids, them being older makes them much more aware of what I’m writing and I try to be focused on writing how it is to PARENT them as well as the silly stories and conversations that come up in our daily lives. It’s a balance- sometimes tricky. Great post!
My main blogging mantra is that I will not post that which could hurt, embarrass, or exploit my family in any way. And yes, the right to basic privacy is a big part of that. As my daughter grows older, I find myself giving a lot of thought to what constitutes my story vs. hers. Because her stories are not mine to tell. So, I get this, Heather. I get it so much.
I don’t share anything personal about my family, per their wishes and my own need for privacy. My blog is mostly humorous and anecdotal about my own family life or about life in the empty nest.
Hee hee, as you know I took the Mommy right out of my blog name
I still write about my kids but in a very different way. Our journeys together and how they help us grow. Our struggles I phrase differently and I try to apply them to our lives as mothers / parents.