I recently went out with a good friend of mine who I used to work with. Her baby boy just turned one and with our crazy schedules, it was actually the first time I was getting the chance to meet him. But, what I didn’t expect was how I would feel – SO nostalgic and reminiscent, not about missing the time in my life of being a mom of an infant, but how would I missed the life I built in the town I used to work in for so many years…
You may remember when I blogged about Passing the Torch, seeing some old faces from the life that I once lead.
Well, yesterday was another bitter sweet moment for me.
I was sitting at a red light heading toward the restaurant when many of the district school busses pulled up next to me. It was that magical time when the bus drivers were doing their afternoon run; as they were lined up and idling next to me, tons of memories rushed in my head – the kids, the classroom, the teachers, the parents, the recollections of my entire career – all of it.
Seeing those busses reminded me of the life that I built there for nearly ten years – the life and career I left behind.
That town has so much meaning for me because not only did I work there and hit the bars in my early 20’s as a young professional tying to find myself, I also “met” my husband there on our first date. Well, technically, I met my husband in a bar, but since I was living as a single woman in an apartment at that time, I certainly didn’t give him my address. {I mean, what if he was some crazy ax murderer or something?!} So, I did what any smart woman would do – I made him meet me at the town Library on our very first date.
So as I drove through town yesterday, I passed THAT library.
And I went a few blocks over and passed the church.
The church I was married in.
Maybe I’m feeling so emotional because my ten year anniversary is coming up next month and we’ve been through so much – three homes, two children and various jobs in between – we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs but we’re still in this thing together.
Or maybe it’s really bitter sweet for me because of the changes were are experiencing as a family right now – and I am feeling a bit melancholy about giving up my career I loved so much now as I stare directly into the face of change.
I feel a little lost.
And displaced.
Like I am not sure where this all fits in.
But I am still counting on the man upstairs to guide us as we move forward. Regardless of where we end up, it doesn’t change how I felt yesterday driving through that town, nor will it ever change how I feel.
That town will forever have a special space in my heart – no matter where we land.
When we finally come up for air, only then can we stop and reflect on where we started. This is beautiful, my friend. And I so understand that longing…
So, so true mama. That part of my life seems so clear right now – if only I knew back then what I know now.
xo
Looking back to see the path we’ve taken can be so hard. It can be easy to see things from that vantage, that you couldn’t see when you were looking ahead.
But if we don’t look ahead as we move on, we run into tree branches.
much love to you.
Tree branches – or a big sinkhole.
You are SO right – I need to look ahead without regrets.
Thank you, my friend.
xo
Thinking of you, love. You are strong, and you can get through anything. Difficult times can be so hard to deal with… but just get through this! xoxo
Lou – Thank you, so much for this comment…it’s been hard, but I know everything happens for a reason. Thanks for being here mama
xo
Change is hard no matter what it is. But look to the future as an adventure that you and your family can conquer together! There can be much fun to had there!
I’m trying Jackie – that’s a wonderful perspective, thank you!!
sounds like your’re feeling a combination of things. it gets like that for me when so many things are up in the air. once your family is settled – your emotions will follow. hang in there!
It sounds like you know exactly how I feel!! SO much is up in the air and that’s why I feel so unsettled – about all of it.
Thanks for reading
xo
It’s not often that you get a chance to reflect on how your life might have been, all those “could have beens.” I think most people would get a little emotional thinking back on all the different choices and all the different paths. But just continue to trust that you are right where you are supposed to be. I have those words written down. They help during moments like this.
“Continue to trust that you are right where you are supposed to be,” <—- Words to live by right now, thank you Katherine!!
Change is so very hard, isn’t it?
I say give into the tears and memories, they can be should soothing.
And when you’re on the flip side of them? They’ll be in honor of great memories of a life well made.
(And that photo? Swoon!)
xo
Good luck with all of these changes. You WILL find your way, though I am sure it was quite surreal to come face to face with all of those “what ifs” while you are going through some changes in your life. Hugs!
Everything happens for a reason!! It’s hard when you don’t know exactly what the plan is, but as soon as your plan is in place and you are re-settled, you’ll look back and see that all these puzzle pieces had to fit together to get you to exactly where you need to be =)
I’ve not been a mom for long, but I totally get how change can be difficult, painful even. Change is like a wrench inside our souls: We can let it either keep us tightly fastened to our current situation, or allow it to loosen us so that we can move on to the next phase. I don’t know what you’re going through right now, dear Heather, but be all there, where you are. Like Chastity said: Everything happens for a reason, even if the reasons are kinda blurred right now.
You’ve been such an inspiration to thousands of women. Whatever happens, those thousands of women — yes, I’m one of them– will be here. We’ve got your back: #Rockstarmoms forever!
I wish you all the best on your 10th anniversary — congratulations to you and your hubby.
Martine, this comment means so much more than you know!!!
xoxo
Isn’t it funny that I should read this today as I lay in bed last night wondering about the ‘now whats’ and ‘whys’ … it made me think of renting the movie Sliding Doors, remember with Gwyneth Paltrow where she had two lives depending on whether or not she caught the train …
Yesterday was maybe a missed the train day …. hoping today is more in perspective.
And memories, are a gift, they see us through all of the times, reminding us of the ‘whys’ and directing us with the ‘now whats’.
Love to you xxxxx
It’s great to reconnect with the past, especially when change is afoot.
(And sorry for the generic comment – couldn’t express it better). 😉
Change. You’ll do great I’m sure!
Happy Mother’s Day!
I always find myself reflecting on it all when I finally have two moments of quiet. I hope that all of your changes make you happy and I’m sure they will. You always having a way of moving in the right direction Heather and I know this time is no different. Thinking of you!
I recently stayed a few days with a friend of mine from college who is now married with 2 kids and it was diferent the dynamic was off between us, sure I enjoyed the time with just us but it was strained with the kids around. guess were both at different stages of our lives hers is with family and im still in the single life