I was on Twitter the other day (no surprise there) on a really gloomy morning. It was raining super hard and all I could think about was how dropping the kids off at school in that kind of weather was going to be such a drag.
And then I saw a tweet from my bloggy friend @MommasGoneCity. She tweeted how she was going to take her three children (2 of who are under the age of 5 and a newborn baby) across town on the bus in NYC through rain to go bowling.
3 children. NYC. Bus. Rain. Bowling.
After reading that tweet, I DM’d her and all I could say was,
“Jessica, I don’t know how you do it.”
Because it’s the truth.
I don’t know how she does it.
Here’s how that morning would have played out for me if I attempted to do that: I would be wiping sweat from my forehead, worried the baby would be screaming on the bus as I tried to wrangle my two toddlers. I would be franticly trying to pay the bus driver, digging in my purse through wipes, bottles and Epi-Pens to find some change. Then I would be wobbling down the aisle through the crowded bus with bulky winter coats and my extra large diaper bag filled with 90% of my home, aimlessly seeking for enough seats to fit my family in – all the while making sure my children are holding my hand and somewhat listening to me.
I would be anxiously wondering how I would be getting all of my children out of the bus without hearing them complain that they are going to get wet in the rain during the short walk to the bowling alley. And then once at the place, I would have to deal with the endless, “Mommy, I want a snack. I’m bored. I’m hungry. I have to go pee. These shoes are too tight. I want to go find a bowling ball. This one is too heavy,” and the list goes on. This would all happen while I would have to attend to the newborn baby and various feeding breaks, so guess what?
I don’t think I could do it.
And I’m ok with that.
I’ve come to realize that while I embrace the fact that I am not a perfect mom (certainly one of the main reasons I even started my blog) that there’s even imperfection in imperfection.
I have two children and that’s even a stretch for me many of days, so I can’t even imagine adding another to our brood. Moreover, venturing out through the rain in the city to go bowling with my two AND a newborn? It wouldn’t be something I would be confident about, so my hat is off to those that can.
On the flip side, allow me to pitch or present to a team of top level executives, give me the opportunity to interview or hop on an important conference call, let me shake hands with CEO’s and CFO’s and I am in my element.
THAT is where *I* thrive.
Does this make me a “bad” mother or any less of a mother? No, it means I know my own boundaries and I know what works for me and my family. Because the fact of the matter is many people wonder how I do what I do – raising two kids, working from home, managing a blog, a business and other ventures.
Well, here’s a quick secret. I’m getting help.
Yes, my life is crazy – crazy busy, but I’m super organized and an amazing multi-tasker. However, since my business has grown I’ve gotten some help. And that help has mainly been enlisted by my husband because it’s the only way this thing can work. He now does all of the grocery shopping and he takes the kids back and forth to school (when he can). This alone frees up a minimum of 5 hours a week for me. And the biggest help of all? I hired a house cleaner. It’s the best money I’ve ever spent in my life because I just can’t do it all.
Bottom line?
We are part of a secret society that as moms, we ALL wonder how the mom next to us does it…but the *real* secret is (and I can guarantee you) she is wondering the SAME THING ABOUT YOU.
There are days that I don’t even leave my house because the thought of taking my two somewhere makes me sweat! But I’m sure that she feels the same some days. I think we all measure ourselves to one another and wonder how each one does it but I think we all ARE doing it. We all have days where we feel we don’t measure up but then there are the days where we feel like supermom!
Kuddos to you for enlisting your hubbies help and for a house cleaner… AWESOME!
Honestly, I am in envy of women who are movers and shakers with their kids. I am not. I guess I’m lucky that I don’t have to be. My in laws are next door, so I rarely even have to take one kid with me to the grocery store. Women who do it all, all the time are my heroes!
&. Good for you for getting some help around the house. We have a wonderful woman who comes to clean my house every other week. I love her! Worth every penny.
It’s absolutely a society! You’re right about the fact we’re all good at different things when it comes to motherhood and particularly motherhood and working. You explained it well with that story!
Love this, Heather!
Yes, a secret supportive society where we can all find our strengths and the support that we need.
{Just the way that it should be!}
Oh Heather… This was such an inspiring piece to read first thing this morning. I wonder how you do it all the time, and it’s so important to talk about this because it is so relevant. In a world where we can’t walk outside and NOT be judged as mothers, I think it’s important to point out that there is so much strength in self-realization. Knowing that we each have our own strengths, and maybe it isn’t the same as the momma next to you, but appreciating that we all do things differently and at different aptitudes.
And, for the record, I was doing ALL of those things that you mentioned you would have done with yours on the bus. It wasn’t graceful, but we got out of the house on a rainy day and that was an accomplishment in itself!
Thank you for this… I will walk with an extra kick in my step all day because of you! I hope you do, too
Yes. We all look at one another, whether IRL or online, and wonder “I don’t know how she does it.” Every last one of us.
This is so inspiring, because it’s so true that we all have our strengths and places we shine. Still, it’s hard not to compare myself to others at times, and this is a good reminder that just because we’re doing things a little different from each other doesn’t mean there’s a “right” or “wrong” way.
At one point int time I thought that I could do it all, but the stress of it was getting to me and I gave in. I hired someone to come in and help. Now 2 days a week someone is at my house to clean and I love it. I love coming home from work and seeing that everything is neat and clean!
Now I still have housework to do and laundry but just that little bit of help makes a huge difference!
BRAVO! I don’t know how any of us do it! The bus doesn’t come til 8:15 but I swear to God no matter how cold it is, I’m shoving those kids out the door! Let’s be united in how much we suck! Woo-hoo!!
😉
This is too true, and a great reminder. I kinda want to scream, every time someone asks me that…usually because I’m wondering the same thing about everyone else!
I only have one toddler (for now) and I have a cleaning company come over once a week, because even just looking after one, pregnant with another and doing all the other house chores, I can’t do it all and do it well. So yes, I hire a cleaning company to do a deep clean once a week and I’m not ashamed
I was at my 5yo’s dance class last week and a mom turned to me and said, “You always seem so put together.” I almost spit out my coffee. Me? Put together? Maybe with band-aids and duct tape!
But seriously – she is, or seems to be, total supermom. Daisy troop leader, soccer coach, has two kids, cute clothes, etc. She’s crazy organized. And to think she thinks I have it together…
I think a distinct trait of many moms is that we always feel like we’re flailing around, muddling our way through, and everyone else is doing it so much better. But in reality, we’re all in the same confused, frazzled, sleep-deprived boat.
This makes my so calm this am. I see moms with perfect hair, shaved legs, organic dinners, and children speaking three languages and want to break down. I know everyone has their stuff but it is nice to be reminded.
This? Is perfection, Heather. Yes, we all wonder that at times.
Wine, coffee, chocolate … my vices … without which my Superwoman cape would crumble 😉
So true!! We are all too hard on ourselves. Also, we don’t have to do it ALL, and that’s okay.
I secretly dread the time fast approaching when my kids are old enough to be involved in more than one activity at a time — I know I’m gonna be living in my van! My older kids are 6 & 4 and the twins are 9.5 months. It feels easy to get them out and about right now when we’re all headed the same direction. I dread the time when we’re all going different directions! I don’t know how moms of more than one kid manage the activities…
Congrats on the house cleaner. I’m more than a bit jealous of that one.
I think it’s awesome that you and your husband work together. That’s the only way things around my house get done.
Good point! It’s nice to know I can inspire others when I feel like a dolt so much of the time. 😉
When I lived in NY the thing I hated the most is that folding the stroller is absolutely required before you get on the bus. That means holding the baby, your bag, your purchases, folding and carrying one-handed, and find the metro card. aaagh.
So happy to drive.
Oh, thank you so much for sharing this post! I do the same – I am overwhelmed with my two, and sometimes I hear about these wonderful, ambitious moms who seem able to manage so much more than me. But that’s ok. I write full time now, juggle two kids, errands house, and a part-time job. Yikes! That’s enough. I too, excel in many things, but not cleaning my house. I have finally given that dream up and realized: I just don’t want to do that. And that’s ok!
What a great reminder Heather! You’re so right, we are all wondering about other moms and we all have our own recipe for how we get it done.
Thank you for this post! I’m a SAHM with an 18-month old. I recently returned to school to work on my second master’s degree. Needless to say, the household tasks have fallen behind. My husband has been a huge support and recently suggested paying a housekeeper to clean/disinfect once a month. I can’t tell you how glad I was that he suggested it, rather than I.
If I’m honest, I have to admit that I wrestled with thoughts–beating myself up for not doing it all. The truth of the matter is, if we do it all, it will take time away from the most important stuff–building family memories.
This post affirms every person who isn’t afraid to admit that they need help.
Love this and it’s so true. at the end of the day we’re all doing the best we can and what works for us.
Love this Heather, it is so, so true. My ultra-organized, always house-cleaned sister in law said not long ago that she doesn’t know how I do it and I was shocked because I feel the same about her. Maybe we all just need to say it to each other more often, or give ourselves a break.
I enjoyed this post. I’m always envious of other moms who multitask, have clean children and can seemingly do it all. I’m always wondering “how they do it?” But I guess they may also be looking at me and asking the same thing. We all have ways of “getting it done” – some are just prettier than others. I think the main thing is that we know what our strengths and weaknesses are and how to best deal with those in trying to get through the day and life our lives!
When I had zero kids I didn’t know how moms did it. When I had 1 kid I didn’t know how moms with two did it. Now I have two kids and I wonder how moms with more than 2 do it.
I sometimes think there is NO WAY I could handle three. But then I remember how I felt before I had kids. And it makes me laugh
Love this honesty. And I agree- we’re all in this together.
I used to envy people like her, and as you pointed out, people like you, too. You make a good point in that we all have our strengths; that we can’t be all and do all. I am so over wondering how people “do it.”
By the way, your humorous description would have described me, too.
I just discovered your blog and I am a new follower. Thanks for writing this. Sometimes, despite the fact that I think all of us already know this, a reminder is good :0)