October 2007
6:00 AM Packing the car for the day ahead and buckling my 2 year-old little boy into his car seat.
6:20 AM Pulling out of the driveway on my way to drop him off at day-care with an hour and a half commute ahead of me. We are listening to his favorite song “No One” by Alicia Keys and in the rearview mirror, I could see my son bounce his tiny head to the music and clap his hands together as I, well, I tried to keep the mascara from running down my cheeks…
That time in my life was so difficult because all I wanted to do was be with him, every second of every hour of every day – and that was just not possible. He was always one of the very first kids to be dropped off at 7 AM and he would spend the next 10 hours there as I continued to rush along my brutal commute to work.
All I could think was – this isn’t what I expected. This isn’t what “motherhood” is supposed to be. There just HAS to be a better way.
“I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cause
Everything’s gonna be alright…”
7:00 AM After dropping my little boy off (with another hour still yet to commute), getting him settled for the day ahead and kissing him on the cheek good-bye, I would pause, look him right in his eyes and tell him I loved him with every ounce of my being. And before he could even begin to cry, I would whisper that mommy is working really hard to make THIS thing better. And that one day, one fine day, I would find a way…
October 2011
9:00 AM I am driving alone as my son has been dropped off at Kindergarten, a mere five minutes from my home. I am headed to an appointment near where I used to work – and en route through that once very brutal commute, I pass the day-care where my son attended 4 years ago. Ironically, Alicia Keys comes over the radio, but this time mascara wasn’t running along my cheeks.
My heart was singing.
Four years later, I am a mother at peace – at peace with the tough choices I’ve had to make along the way. The next time I begin to second guess myself for leaving a lucrative and rewarding career behind, I am reminded of the sacrifices I made TO FINALLY GET HERE. I am so grateful to be able to say that I am a mom who found her way.
“No one No one No one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you…
And all I know is everything’s gonna be alright…”
To my little boy who is looking like a young man more and more these days, I hope you stumble across this post one day and read it with a full heart – acknowledging that I made some really tough choices along the way, all in an effort to give myself and this family a better life. And, I have never, never loved anything more in my entire life. And No One or No Thing will ever get in the way of what I feel for you.
Love this Heather and love what you have been able to do with your career for you and for your family.
I have tears Heather, tears! This is lovely, and you did, indeed, find your way. XO
What a handsome little guy! I hope to someday find my way to working from home so I can be there to walk my kids to the bus stop and be there when they get home.
Lindsay – Being a WAHM was really hard when my kids were not in school, I was pulling 16 hour days, working in the early mornings and late nights to get it all done – but now that my kids are in school, it’s much easier. I sure hope you find what work for you, too!! Every mama deserves to be happy!
Oh my, I love this in a thousand ways. It reminds me of my Second Moon Story, the timeline. I just love it! There is nothing better than a mother at peace. Good for you Heather!!!
Oh Heather I love this so much. Warm. Fuzzy. Perfect.
Now I need a tissue.
I feel the same way you did before you quit your previous career. It’s so difficult and I hate every minute of it.
I’m still working on how to stay home though. I won’t give up.
I’m happy that you were able to make that change & stay home. I be he’s happy too!
Jackie – Putting in my letter of resignation was one of the *hardest* things I ever had to do, because I really LOVED my job and I worked so hard to get myself to that point…but, the hour and a half communte each way was no life for me or my familty…and getting a job closer to home wasn’t an option. It was all or nothing at that point. You’ll get there – keep doing what you believe in mama, nothing wrong with that!
This is so very lovely. I see that face, and I love that you took a situation in which you were unhappy and turned it around. You have done amazing things with Theta Mom and Theta Mom Media, and I think you are truly setting a standard for looking around and saying, “I can change THIS.”
Thank you Angela!! What really helped me was being an Adjunct Professor all of those years because it made the transition from the traditional classroom to the online classroom easy, so working from home wasn’t such a stretch. There aren’t many careers, though, that translate as easily, so I consider myself lucky. 😉
I was a teacher (middle school) before leaving to stay home. Long ago, when the market was better (it’s awful in Michigan,) there were many opportunities to job share or find part-time work. It’s not like that anymore. I’m not saying I would have made the choice to job share, but it would have been nice to have the option.
I KNEW I should have thought more seriously about continuing school to become a professor 😉
I am now crying in my coffee!! Beautiful and poignant. There is nothing better than following your path, the one that brings peace to you and your family. xoxo
What a handsome guy!
Yes Kelly, without a doubt!! xo
yep…sing this song to my son… my husband sings it to him as well. bless your heart…
As a mom who’s traveled the same path, hats off to you. Money is so much tighter these days, but I don’t regret it for a second. My babies are worth it.
Look at you bringing on the happy and the sad all in one post.
Love ‘your’ stories on your blog Heather, reminds me just how much I look forward to eventually sitting side by side
Side by side we will be, looking forward to it! xo
Beautiful. I am so glad you made it work for you and your family – your joy now sings through in the 2nd half of the post. You truly are an inspiration for moms who are trying to balance it all.
That means more than you know Alison, thank YOU.
wow. I’m so happy you were able to finally stay home with your son- I used to cry every morning as I dropped off my Zach at daycare and spend the next hour commuting to a job I didn’t even enjoy that much (sound familiar???). After having my second, we’ve decided that I’m going to work from home and, while it’s a tough balance, I wouldn’t trade the chance to be home with my kids for anything!
beautiful expressions of love for your son. the choices we make are never easy!
Ah, crap Heather. Way to make me cry first thing in the morning.
Being at peace with our parenting decisions is so, so important. I’m glad you found your answers.
I mean when I say this Krista – I really wish that every mom out there can find that peace – the kind of path that works. Thanks for reading. xo
I’m glad your heart is whole now. It sounds like you’ve grown just as much as he has in the past years. And wow, what a beautiful smile on that little face!
Lovely. Thank you for such an honest acknowledgment of the tough choices many of us moms make every day. And for the poetic invocation of a mother’s fierce love … I know just what you mean. xoxo
So true Lindsey, there are no easy answers here but every mother deserves to find her path that works for her – and I wish that for every mama out there.
xoxo
What a handsome boy! So happy to hear that you have found a way to be more at peace.
Oh Heather, you and I came from such similar places of heartbreak as we worked long and hard hours while our babies were with others. And then, at the same time, we came to this online world of blogging and we became friends and slowly we got our lives and our kids back. These decisions are so tough and this post was beautiful.
Congrats on how far you have come!
Thanks Brittany, so glad to have found you.
xoxo
I love this, Heather. I love the way that you acknowledge the rightness of your choice. So often I find myself saying, If only, If only. What a great exercise to stop and think about the moments where we made the decisions that allowed us to arrive at the goodness we have now.
xo
Exactly Kristen…when those thoughts creep up about what I walked away from, I look at where I am today and realize THIS was right for me – I hope every mama can find the “right” path that works for them.
xoxo
All I can say is thanks for posting this, because I can’t express the confirmation that I feel after reading it. I woke up this morning knowing that I needed to make some decisions and this post (and another I just read) haven given me what I needed. xo
That makes me so happy, thank you for sharing!!
We are still diligently working away so that someday, I can be there more with my children. Until then, there are still tears nearly every morning.
Katherine – As you know, I’ve been there and I know how very *hard* it is. As I’ve said to some others, my wish is that EVERY mama finds that “right” path for herself, and some peace in the process.
Hugs to you
xoxo
So glad you found a better way to live. I work in DC, and so many parents (including myself) have a brutal commute. For me, I chose to have my daughter at the daycare where I work. We commute together, my daughter, my husband, and I. We sing songs, and talk, and make silly faces. We make the best of the time we have. I eat lunch with her, and sometimes randomly show up to read books to the kids in her class (other parents do this, too). When she’s sick, I can be there in two minutes. I’m very lucky, and I remind myself of this every time I complain. I remind myself that some people don’t see their kids for 10 hours. I’m so happy for you, that you don’t have to do that anymore.
Here’s where I drop my deep, dark secret for all the internet to see….
I love working.
I LOVE being a Mom and yes, my heart breaks when I have to leave him. In a perfect world, would I like more time with him? Yes, of course I would. But it’s not a perfect world, and my working puts a roof over his head, clothes on his back and (way too many) toys in the floor.
But on top of all of that, there is a big part of me who likes going into work every day and being “off duty” for a few hours. I like putting on my corporate hat. I like making money and growing professionally.
Sometimes I feel really guilty that I don’t feel bad about leaving him at daycare. I used to, but now that we have a new sitter who is amazing, I feel so comfortable. He loves being there, too.
But I’m all his from 5:30 till bedtime M-F and all day Saturday and Sunday.
Amanda – I see nothing wrong with that at all! Good for you that you found a job you love and obviously, it’s the right path for you. I’m not sure I would have left my former career behind if I didn’t have a three hour (round trip) commute, but under those conditions, that job no longer “fit” myself and my family.
My hope is that all moms find the right path that works for them…and it sounds as though you have found yours.
xo
Beautiful, Heather. I wish the same thing were possible for me. But I’m still making that brutal commute. And feeling the brutal effects of not seeing my children that often while we pay off debt so I can get to a peaceful place.
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. I just made the tough decision to stay home after being laid off to pursue my dream of writing but more importantly, of watching my almost 2 year old grow up.
I have no idea how I am going to do it. Where I will find freelance work to kick things off or what will be in my near future. But, I know that for the first time since the 8-week maternity leave, I am spending every day with my little girl and I couldn’t be happier.
Thank you for sharing your story and reminding me that it can be done. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go wipe my tears and a certain someone’s butt! 😉
I had no idea either, all I knew was that the former job was no longer working for us as a family and I needed to make a change. Hang in there – keep working hard at making it all work – and finding your way. 😉
Oh, Heather. You’re going to make me cry. My situation isn’t quite that hard but I’m still working towards being there more and giving him more of me. Desperately hoping I can make it work.
And I am hoping you can, too! Keep believing mama, you can do it!!
Wow, I admire ur effort! I have a battle with my situation, I would so LOVE to be with my baby all day. And yes, I also have an hour and a half commute between me and her which makes it all so hard. I hope I can find my way pretty soon.
This is beautiful, Heather.
While I’m not a mother so I can’t directly relate to this, I feel like I went through and still continue to go through a lot of tough feelings to get where I’m trying to go in life.
I have goals for my business, but trying to run my own business straight out of college leaves me with sacrifices that I must make, especially compared to all of my friends who are going, going, going.
Thank you for inspiring me a little more!
Thank you for your comment Jessica – just knowing I inspired another woman on her path is SO rewarding…that my experience has offered some light and hope. 😉
What a beautiful and heartfelt reminder to your son and to all of us here. Sometimes, we have to make those tough choices to get to the place we need to be. You have definitely done well. I’m sure your son is VERY proud of you!
I have tears streaming down my cheeks reading your post today. My heart is so happy for you.
I wouldn’t be crying if this wasn’t my story too. I whisper in my son’s ear all the time about how I’m working to make this thing better. I’m glad you got there. Wish me well on my journey.
You WILL get there mama – and we are all here cheering you on!!
xoxo
Came across this post today via Twitter. I love it! Congrats, congrats, congrats! As an aspiring blogger and father of three, this moves me. Beautiful post, and–again–congrats for arriving at this moment.
Beautifully written Heather, and a good reminder to all of us who need to remember why we do what we do for our children.
Good for you. And what a difference 4 years can make. Thank you for sharing your journey in such a poignant way today.
What a sweet post! Good for you for making it work! He will be so proud of you. You’re an inspiration to other moms looking for that perfect balance.
That means so much to me Kimberly, thank you! To know that my words and experience hves offered some sort of inspiration to another mama on your own path – is well, just pure awesomeness.
xoxo
Beautiful. Congrats! Thank you for the beautiful start to my day, Heather.
I understand your journey. It’s ridiculous how many people have asked, “how could you walk away from a career you worked so hard to achieve–to just sit at home?” Nothing angers me more.
Then I remind myself. Again. Now, my children and I can actually stop to smell the roses. Together. And that sure beats looking at them from the car as we pass by.
Finally finding the path that provides me the privilege to be at home with my children is the real achievement. I cherish each and every moment. Even the *not so sweet* moments.
Every mama has to find her own path and I hope every woman gets on that path that she’s content with. 😉
Congratulations! I still remember picking my son up out of his car seat when we finally got home from the work/caregiver day. He was months old. It was December and completely dark outside. I looked up at the stars and knew there had to be a better way for us to live.
Eventually we found it. I have been a WAHM for years now and my first — overriding — priority is my offbeat, complicated, wonderful family.
We’re not noticeably affluent or on the same track as a lot of people, but I think we’re outstandingly rich. My children are growing into decent, confident, accomplished young adults. I couldn’t be more proud of them or content with the path I chose.
I’m really glad you found your way to a better life!
I’m glad that you are able to be there for your son the way you want to. That is precious indeed.
Your decision made such a wonderful difference for both you! Hooray!
MY heart is singing for you. Meeting moms like you is a gift I never anticipated, that I looked for without knowing it. Thank you for the inspiration! Happy for you!
I feel the same way Wendy! And when we meet IRL (like I have with you) is even better!! Amazing how our words of encouragement and the sharing of our stories sparks inspiration in one another!!
I’m crying. Thank you.
BEAUTIFULLY written. xo
How beautiful is it that! So inspiring. I had to sacrifice a lot of my lifestyle when I chose to stay at home with my daughter. It was really exciting when, four months into my mat-leave, I started my own business. Although it hasn’t been easy, it has been a dream watching my baby and my business grow from the comfort of my home. Having a little faith goes a long way!
Wow–“No One” is currently my two year-old’s favorite song, too! It puts him to sleep, the acoustic studio version, in particular. And I can totally relate to what you went through because I left a 7-year job teaching preschool–the only real job I ever had–to be a work-at-home mom to my first born.
When I look at how fast my little boy is growing, I wonder if I’m doing enough for him as a mom. Staying at home and working from where I am has proven to be the best choice for us all. In a few months, I hope to launch a small business that my husband and I have been planning for a while now… all for our boy’s future, of course.
Thank you for this inspiring post.
You just made me cry.
I am so happy you found the right work/life balance for you and your family. I was exactly like you two years ago. I had a 3-hour round trip commute to NYC. My kids were the first ones dropped off at daycare and the last to get picked up. I hated it.
I’m thankful now to be a WAHM. Sometimes it’s hard making a major life change, but if that change will result in happiness for you and your family it is of course SO worth it.
I don’t know if people still say this, but I’ll say it anyway…You Go Girl!
This post is amazing! It had me totally choked up! I am so happy for you that it’s so much better!