I am certainly not the first blogger to write about this topic nor will I be the last. In fact, other bloggers have written about this (some even about me) so I thought maybe it was time I shed my own opinion on the subject of blog envy.
The questioning begins: How does she get THAT many followers? Why did THAT post get so many comments? Why didn’t I get an invite to THAT event? How did she land THAT sponsorship?
Then the self-doubt sets in: What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I reach success the same way I see other bloggers doing it? Am I not savvy enough? Smart enough? Funny enough?
Good enough?
Well, the reality is, success in this crazy bloggity blog world is defined by each and every one of us differently, but when you work endless hours and the rewards don’t come as quickly as you would like, disappointment and self-doubt begin to set in when you watch as other bloggers move ahead. I get tons of emails from other bloggers with the thoughts I just presented above and many are looking for some advice as they make their way through this journey…
Here’s my take: We’ve ALL been there from time to time. I don’t care how “big” of a blogger you think you are or people think you are, every blogger goes through some sort of blog “envy” at some point. And if they don’t admit to it they aren’t telling you the whole truth.
Many look at me and think I have this whole thing together – landing some fabulous partnerships, unique opportunities and such. But two things you have to remember:
I didn’t just purchase a domain, write some quality content and expect to be given some amazing opportunities. I had to work for it because nothing is handed out in the blogosphere. Establishing an influential and reputable online presence takes years of hard work and those that have the book deals, magazine articles and amazing opportunities did not publish their first post yesterday. These bloggers have earned respect which has been a process in the making for longer than you think.
Do some really talented writers get overlooked? Of course they do. Are there some really popular blogs that you kind of wonder how they reached superstar status? Perhaps. But for the majority of us, there is no free hall pass and every single comment, tweet, sponsorship and paid opportunity has to be earned.
I wouldn’t be sharing the whole truth if I said I still didn’t get blog envy from time to time. Sometimes, I also experience some self-doubt when I see the hashtag of an off site event on Twitter in which I didn’t get an invite to, or a brand sponsorship that I thought would have happened to me, and the list goes on…The point is, just when you think a “big” blogger has seen or done it all, trust me, there’s an even bigger blogger than her doing bigger and better things. It’s just kind of how this bloggity blog world operates and you have to learn to stay motivated and passionate about what you’re doing and roll with it.
So, the takeaway here? When you begin to feel stressed out, envious or doubtful about your own blog by comparing yourself to THAT blogger, instead, support THAT blogger. That’s right. Be happy to see THAT blogger reach a level of success because she damn well deserves it. The fact of the matter is, the more you give in this space, the more you get. And then some.
Stay true to who YOU are and remind yourself that there’s nobody like YOU in this space. Continue to pursue your passion, play fair, work hard, and support the likes of others along the way.
With the time and hard work I dedicate to this thing, do I think I deserve some of that awesome superstarness too?
Absolutely.
My time will come, as long as I continue to be supportive of others and work hard. I’m here to stay because I’ve earned my right to be here.
And that’s just how it rolls.
Yep, that’s exactly how it rolls! For a long time, I forger one of the keys to blogging success…you have to be online, present and earning it. Personally, I woke up from my dream that it just happens and now, I’m back to working at it!
Great post.
Exactly Melissa! I think especially for some newbies, many don’t realize how long other bloggers have been doing this until those great opportunities come along. If we want those things, we have to work at it, too!
Great post. Yes, we all get blog envy – and even question our worth on the blogosphere. I sometimes get depressed if a post of mine doesn’t get a lot of comments. And I’ve been blogging for over four years! The blogging community is a great one, though. And I’m happy to be a part of it!
Timing is everything and I needed to hear this today. Thank you, thank you for another great post.
We were actually talking about this at BBCBOS this weekend! I actually get emails asking how I got on certain lists, etc. Apparently not everyone thinks I deserve to be, but I don’t care.
I think that blog envy and blog jealousy are two different things though. You are right, we all get envy. It’s the jealousy that we have to watch out for. That’s where the meanness comes in, and I just don’t have time or room for that in my life!
I agree, which is why I didn’t integrate the word jealousy anywhere in this post. I also think there is a big difference between envy and jealousy – but the bottom line is not to get hung up on the envy thing and instead, focus on what you are doing – and work hard to make that happen.
I can completely relate to this. I get blog envy occassionally, but I really try to turn it into something positive. If someone already has a million followers, I become a follower too. I figure I’ll probably learn something from them.
Exactly how I feel! If they have a million followers, they must be doing something right!
Isn’t that how it works out in the physical world too? Whatever field you’re in you’ll be better than some, and there’ll be people better than you and hard work usually, not always, but usually gets rewarded. In fact, I’d say it’s how life works, not just the blogosphere or work. Good to be reminded though, thanks!
As an actor, you would think I would just know this stuff but apparently I can’t be reminded of it enough. Thank you for posting. I should bookmark this page and come back here once a week!!
I definitely think people forgot how much work goes into a successful blog or any successful job for that matter. And I think that if people do not have there own goals laid out with a plan it can become very overwhelming and stressful to not be exactly where they think they should be. Success takes passion, dedication, strategy, and persistence…in that order.
Great post mama!
I love this post. I do try to gain energy from those ‘Big’ bloggers by supporting them and being a part of their community too.
I totally agree. I’ve had blog envy – and I’ve heard others say that they are envious of me. {Although for the life of me, I can’t imagine why!} I’ve actually made the conscious decision recently that I’m taking a step back – I’m not in this blogging thing for the money necessarily – but rather for the friendships and support. If I make a little money here and there – great… but it really needs to be about me first and foremost.
And that’s what I meant when I said we each define success differently in this space. Some are here to write, some want to work with brands, some to monetize, some for the sheer support of the community, and the list goes on. As long as you know why you are here and why you plan to stay here, you can’t go wrong! 😉
Thank you for this. It’s really helpful. I’m a newbie blogger. I don’t know what I’m doing but I want a voice and I love the online community. I visit all kinds of blogs and they’re fabulous. I’m wowed by all the talent. Still, when I see the dozens of comments for each post and I have an audience of one — me — I think what the heck am I doing?
You’ve really put things into perspective. I’m going to print this one!
Thanks again.
I actually love to follow bigger bloggers and see what they are doing because as others have stated before, they must be doing the right things most of the time, therefore it would probably behoove me to observe them instead of “hate” on them (ugh…I can’t believe I just used that word in a post but in this case I suppose it does apply :). As a new blogger I enjoy reading blogs of successful people, because that is what I aspire to do myself. Thanks a lot for this post. I think it is a very excellent read and I will think of it the next time I find myself having “blog envy”.
I love what you wrote about working hard and paying it forward- both are energy and time well spent, indeed!
Good words to remember … plus green is SO not my color.
Thank you sweet heather, a good dose of perspective is just what I needed this morning after a woe is me session today
Great post! I’m sad to say that I’ve had blog envy, too, but, you’re exactly right: you get out of it what you put into it.
I must admit, I had worse blog envy a few years ago when sponsors and companies were noticing my US friends and nothing was happening in Aus. Now everything is happening in Aus and I’m trying to just go with the flow, knowing that I’ve been doing this for a long time and sometimes, I’ll be invited to things and other times, I won’t be. It’s all fluid.
But blog envy does happen and I try to kick myself when I catch myself thinking ‘BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!’
I completely agree, we all get blog envy at some point & I think that’s what makes us work harder and become better bloggers {or at least for some people}. It’s human nature to compare yourself to others or think “the grass is greener on the other side,” but you need to channel that envy into something greater. It’s hard work building up your brand and blog. Everyone is unique and brings something different to the blogosphere…..at times I second guess myself but I keep chugging along trying to stay true to myself!
Self-doubt is normal and healthy… it makes you work harder to overcome your perceived shortcomings.
In my inbox this morning from Danielle LaPorte: “The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.” – Robert Hughes, art critic
Embrace the doubt
I am putting that away for a time when I know I’ll need the reminder, “Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.” – Robert Hughes, art critic
Thanks for that!!!
I’m blogging because I love to write. The community, the sense of belonging, the friendliness, all bonuses and incentives to keep going. I try not to obsess over the numbers, and just focus on my writing, and on building relationships. If that takes me somewhere, that’s great, but if not, I know I’m in it for the right reasons.
Thanks Heather for sharing this, and putting into perspective a topic I’m sure all bloggers think, write and talk about often!
And you absolutely deserve your success!
Wait
It’s not fair for you to say that, because there are obviously several Heather clones floating around the universe, working on your many different projects. Right? That must be how you do it 😉
Just kidding; I am very little and maybe growing and working on growing a little at a time. Of course envy pops up now and again, but many times I am simply in awe of women like you who have the ability to keep so many balls in the air at one time. The hard work and long hours of “bigger” bloggers is truly what carved out this blog-o-verse, and I try to keep that in mind.
I’m glad that you got that message from this post, that was one of my main points – the bloggers who get those opportunities (most of them) have been doing this for a long time and have worked hard for it, there really is no “hand out” which keeps my ‘envy’ of others in check.
I appreciate every single comment because it shows that readers care enough to take the time to be here – and you are certainly one of them, so thank YOU!
I have not had any blog envy yet. Possible because I am new enough that everyone is bigger than me
I do know that I am prone to envious feelings so maybe I should bookmark this page to go back to if I lose sight of why I am blogging.
Such a great piece. At BlogHer last year I heard a woman say “Own Your Jealousy” and I loved it. It feels so much better to be supportive of others than to whine about the fabulous things that are out there happening in the blogosphere.
I like to make sure everyone understands (even myself ever once in a while when I get down) that a lot of the “big” bloggers or “A-listers” got that way out of sheer luck. My personal story is this…I was blogging about my coworkers as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I had named everyone in my office a dwarf name and not all were lucky enough to receive real Dwarf names. I was blogging about it in the late 90’s and in early 2000.
For those who don’t know, that is the same time that Dooce was doing the same thing….she lost her job…no one caught up with me. So, see, I’m sure at the time she didn’t think that it was a fortunate event to be losing her job. And, I certainly felt good about not losing mine. Now look? It’s tough to say, “I was fired and it was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me” or vice versa, “I wasn’t fired and it was an unfortunate time”…….
Sometimes the good stuff doesn’t present itself as a positive event until after the fact…hindsight…oooo 20/20
Thanks for the post. I live in an eternal bucket of self-doubt..even when the good things are happening, when I’m getting the good deals or products or trips…I still wonder “why can’t I ______?”
We must believe in ourselves and do what we do for self healing. Honesty will eventually reward you for it.
well said, mylady.
I love this post. Informative, matter-of-fact, and yet supportive at the same time!
I love this post, every word of it. It is hard not to envy others and wonder why we didn’t get certain opportunities. But ultimately we have to all remember that we are blogging because we like to and wanted to connect with others and that is what got us started in the first place, not the hopes of a million dollar book deal.
I am old hat at the reading blogs game, but brand new to the writing blogs game…..too new to have “blog envy” or even really know what types of opportunities come to some “big bloggers”. None the less, I have no doubt that it is something that could happen further into the game, so thanks for the points to keep in mind when the evil jealousy snake comes slithering up!
Yep! I have written about this many times…it’s difficult not to let yourself get drawn into the competitive nature of blogging. I KNOW that i could be MORE successful if i wouldn’t be so lazy and would NETWORK more and SUBMIT more but honestly, I’m just not into that.
However, we all wonder at times WHY NOT ME? GREAT POST!!!
I think this is an awesome post. I am very new to the world of blogging so a reality check is just what I needed. I already have blog envy but in a good way. I look at all that these women have achieved, and it gives me motivation. I realize they did not get to where they are overnight, that hard work and dedication are what have gotten them there. I feel like I have so much to learn from everyone, and that their advice and experience will only help me to be successful.
Wow … well said! Very inspiring & motivating … and truthful. Great post to start the week. Thank you!
For the record, you already are a superstar in my book. But this post is really true! At this point in my life, I know I don’t have the time (or energy) to make it to the big leagues, but someday I will. And then? Watch out.
But I’m sure there will be more than a few twinges of envy between here and there.
Thanks Amber, after reading your comment I feel like a superstar! 😉 Keep on keeping on girl – you’ll get where you want to be!
Well said! I admire those bloggers who have made names for themselves knowing full well they got there by hard work. Envy and jealousy are so poisonous and it makes me feel better as a person (and a blogger) just to be as supportive as I can be, regardless of their success or mine. I kind of feel like, bad blogging karma can only come back to haunt you!
This is me, saying I SUPPORT YOU, and I think you deserve all the success in the world for being as supportive as you are yourself.
I used to crave the numbers but knowing that I can’t dedicate that kind of time and effort here, I had to make peace with myself and be fine with the readers I do have. And that has made all the difference because now they’re not just readers, they’re my community. And many of them have now become my friends. It’s wonderful! Something I certainly didn’t expect but am thoroughly enjoying about my blogging journey.
But you know what I love about your comment? It shows that a reader like you still comes back to read and takes the time to share a point of view – that means SO much to me, knowing you come back from time to time – and to me, that speaks volumes about this space. Thank you!!
I think another thing most bloggers who get envious kind of forget is to not look at length of time in the blogosphere as a measuring stick. When I was working on the blog/business parallels post for you, you told me that you set up your blog with the intention of viewing it as a business. You had that as your goal the whole time. Soooo many other people start blogging for *other* reasons and along the way think, “Hey, if I get my act together a bit, maybe I can make something of this thing.” And then they think, “Well, I’ve been blogging for 3 years already, and so and so has only been blogging for 9 months,” and envy builds.
It’s not about the length of time but how you focus your energy and time spent.
Exactly right. I knew very early on what I wanted this blog to be. I invested all of my time in reaching those goals whereas other bloggers may have viewed their own blog strictly as a hobby – but only later to find out perhaps they can turn it into something more…but I still have yet to meet an A-List blogger that’s received amazing opportunities in under a year of blogging – I still believe there’s a lot of truth in properly “branding” yourself which takes tons of time to demonstrate an effective online presence.
I am a new blogger so I see blogs that are bigger and better than mine everyday. I don’t feel envy but I do ask myself the “how” and “why” questions. However every blog that I visit I take something from it that helps me make my blog better. I support all the blogs that I visit, especially the mommy blogs. =) Nevertheless I am glad I read this post because it made me realize one important thing. NEVER GIVE UP!!
Fantastic advice!! Support!!
ThetaMom: fantastic post. I can see how you can do that. And I can do that.
But the ugliness in the world will always have people who canNOT do that: rejoice for others.
There will be jealous, envy, bitterbess, immature comments.
There will be.
We have to do our best, and move on, even when it hurts.
It can be tough. We have to ignore the junk that goes on.
Just b/c we can celebrate for others, doesn’t mean they can celebrate for us.
We have to get a tougher skin for that, and just continue on.
Perfect piece. I am with you 100%. It takes a lot of hard work, determination, quality content and sometimes a little who you know and where your at is helpful. I’ve been doing this for 2 years and I am still learning loads of things. There are many bloggers doing a lot more and tons more doing less with their blog.How do I define success? Writing, which is my passion, and sharing my truth;building relationships with other women.I;m doing that,every day.I’m happy.I’m all about the content and the community. My end goal…to be respected by my peers and paid to do what I love.How will I get there? By never giving up. I totally support my fellow bloggers. I am so happy and proud each time one of my friends gets a great opportunity,of course sometimes I have some self doubt about my pace but I know in the end I am making the choices that work best for me and for what I want out of my blog.FABULOUS POST, Heather!
I think there is always someone bigger and better viewed. I have learned to work hard, but cherish each person who is willing to stop by. They don’t have to. I am thankful that they do.
I “Mommy – blogged” for myself for years and years.. had lots of followers, and fun. then I decided to write about our family and weight loss, etc, and do it a different way. I miss my old friends on my new blog, but I know they’ll show up eventually! In the meantime. I’m chronicling our journey to healthy living!
Great post! I’ve just started blogging at my book publisher’s recommendation and each new follower feels like a mini-victory for me! Six months or (ahem) three weeks blogging is not enough time to acquire much of a following but now I have twenty-four! WooHoo!!
I agree you have to do the work..and when u work full time and raise twins and commute quite a bit it’s hard and u do get envious . But I’m learning what u put in you get back and just the friendships and community I’ve found through blogging is worth it. So worth all of it!
Oh Heather, you basically said EVERYTHING I’ve been thinking and feeling for the longest time and continue to think everyday. I swear, the feelings and thoughts fluctuate everyday, I have my good days & bad days, but it’s there just the same. The Envy!
I know you and the world say by giving you will get back more, but sometimes I feel like I give and don’t really get anything back in return. Is that a bad thing to say? Should I just give without even caring what I get back? I mean, it doesn’t stop me from giving, although it does make me hesitate every so often…
Excellent post, as usual. =)
I’m a big believer in karma, so if you give in the blogosphere and do it without hesitation, I do believe it will come back to you in due time. Keep working hard mama and stay passionate about what you believe in!!
I’m shocked you haven’t been bombarding my inbox with questions on how the hell I got myself so BIG and SUCCESSFUL??
Heh – not trying to make light of your points, they’re all fab – just being silly – that’s how I look at it all. Kudos to those who achieve their success – just as I have (in my mind).
Can I just say how much I wish I would have met you and Kelly at BBCBOS this weekend? I was seeing those tweets wishing I was there – see, envy! 😉
Kelly and I had a blast! Plus a few others – that camera phone of mine was working overtime. Maybe next time there’s a conference that I can drive to :p
This is a very true post. In order to have a successful blog you have to work for it as is the case with all things in life. You have to write great content and you have to get your blog out there. You can only do that by reading, commenting, talking, etc in the blogosphere.
I’m really glad I stopped by because this is an awesome post. I completely agree with everything you wrote.
Hear hear! What great advice – to support the blogger instead of being envious of them!
true… all so true. great advice. as a newbie I just see the “superstar” bloggers as inspiration.
I guess I’m in the minority because I really, really don’t get blogger envy. The wost thing you can do is compare yourself to another blogger and I refuse to do that. I am who I am, I write what I write and don’t feel like I need to measure up to anyone. Now, I do get envious of blogger photography skills. There are some gals out there that take killer shots that I wish I had the knowledge to do, so it’s something I’m pushing myself to learn more about.
You have an excellent attitude! Yes, I don’t ever like comparing myself to others, but I wouldn’t be sharing the whole truth if I said I didn’t do it from time to time. And the photography girls? I will always be envious of that kind of talent!
I’ve blogged about this very topic several times – how I question myself a lot and tend to compare myself to others. It’s true that you have to keep your eyes on your own goals, but it’s easier said than done – at least for me. But that’s just not with blogging – it’s with everything. It’s a personal issue and not a bloggy-specific one.
As I said in my own post on this topic a couple of months ago – I think experiencing periods of self-doubt can be very constructive. It can motivate you to new heights or rethink your approach. It doesn’t HAVE to be negative.
I think where I struggle the most is with people who have achieved a level of success and they are not humble about it. I saw a bit of that at Mom 2.0 and it was very disheartening. Other large bloggers who have achieved huge success couldn’t have been more humble and welcoming. It makes me wonder when karma is going to come back and bite the arrogant people in the butt.
I remember that post and you were so heartfelt in writing it. I agree, when I do get those moments of self-doubt, it actually pushes me to work harder and I think you learn from the experience and end up stronger for it.
And the bloggers that do reach success and flaunt it – totally annoying? Yes. Will karma come back to bite them? Hell yeah!!