My guest post today is Devan from Accustomed Chaos. In this piece, Devan reminds us that our words do create meaning and the voice we share has a direct impact on others. I hope this post inspires you to think about why you first hit the word publish on your own blog.
Blogging came into my life just over a year ago. I didn’t really think I was going to get too much out of it. I certainly was not planning for anything more than having a few people read my words and having some general conversations on Twitter and Facebook. As I started to write more and feel comfortable sharing more about myself and my life, I began to open up more about my struggles and my pain…
Society does not talk about grief caused by miscarriage – society at large does not even think we should grieve a miscarriage. We are told to just go on with our lives and ‘try again.’ We are left feeling embarrassed, isolated and alone. A pain and isolation I had been walking around with for years surrounding my multiple miscarriages and a pain that is still very real to this day. Blogging and social media sites like Facebook and Twitter break invisible boundaries that are present in real life that should never be there.
Blogging gave me a voice for that pain.
The more I opened up on my personal blog the more I received “me too” comments on my posts and personal emails from women looking for support – looking for connections from someone who had been there. My passion started to grow as I started to see this very real need being forgotten, unspoken. A community was forming, though I was the only one who knew it existed because the real words were being spoken through private emails. I realized that I was not the only one dealing with the depth of my perinatal grief – I was not the only one who craved a connection and a voice.
The incredible power of blogging and connecting through social media is that you are never alone in what you are going through and you will never be alone in your pain. I decided to follow my passion to help women, families, friends and anyone who has been touched directly or indirectly by miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal loss – through blogging and social media; to give those who needed a connection and a voice a safe place to share.
I formed a new site dedicated to support and understanding and to give others a platform to share their stories, their grief, their hopes and dreams. My passion collided with blogging when Unspoken Grief was born. It’s a group contributing site for those looking for a voice for their perinatal grief. Allowing women, partners, friends and family to speak their words and raise their voices, tell their stories and connect.
Blogging and sites like Facebook and Twitter are more powerful then at first glance and I am still daily learning the true power of how it can connect people in different parts of the world who share very similar experiences. THAT is powerful. In no other way would we be able to reach our virtual arms out to someone who feels so alone in their pain.
Connecting people together can do a world of good breaking the silence of miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal loss can heal; supporting each other through our pain, through our hopes and dreams and to have someone who understands and somewhere for your voice to be heard – THAT is the true power of blogging.
Please send me an email if you are interested in guest posting at Theta Mom® for TMC Network. Full details can be found on the Network page.
Bless you for sharing and providing that support for others that have that unspeakable grief. Yes, the power of blogging… keep up the Good Work that blogging can be.
BlogLand is an amazing place. I just wish my husband understood it more. He doesn’t “get” this virtual community of friends I have. Some I’ve met in person, some I chat by phone with, and some I exchange handwritten notes and little presents with.
I’m so glad you’ve found your niche and congrats!!
You have done some amazing things with your blog Devan and it is inspiring that you have used your experiences to create such a loving and embracing community via. Unspoken Grief.
Thank you Bonnie – your support has meant a lot to me ♥
Unspoken Grief is such a great site! I heard about it from Tina (@LifeWithoutPink). You’ve really created such a wonderful place for people to go.
I also feel that sometimes blogging is all about representing people who won’t or cant stand up for themselves. Congrats on creating a place for people to grieve together.
Sometimes people just need a flashlight to find their way and they can do the rest.
An amazingly powerful post! I started blogging to give myself a voice, but i found through blogging and twitter I found support for dealing with infertility and miscarriage. thanks for sharing!
What an amazing site to have created for people to go!
What a wonderful thing indeed to find Devan featured here today.
She is a gift, and her blog and website a blessing to many.
In these short months that I have been in the blogosphere, I have wished time and time again that I had found my way into this world during my years of infertility and loss, a sounding board for my steps into adoption and a warm hug for some of those dark nights that consumed me.
But here I am today -better late than never 😉
Congrats to Devan, and as always thank you to Heather!
i know what you mean! i wish i had this years ago in while i was in the thick of my pain and confusion.
Thank you ♥
I’m still shocked by the power of twitter and Facebook and the support of the blogging community.
How wonderful of you to see a need and create a place for people to go.
I have read Devan’s story and it is one of heartbreak and awesome courage. It amazes me as well at the impact that social media can have on the support of women going through difficult times. From postpartum depression to special needs to mental illness to physical illness to weight loss and more, the blogosphere especially is an awesome place.
I myself have found support from a nervous breakdown last year and I beleive I have also provided support to others going through the same thing or on the verge of. We have such a wide reach it is amazing.
Thanks for this post today!
Bernice
Choosing the important stuff
Thank you so much Bernice for reading my story. I am so happy to hear that blogging & social media has helped you in life as well. Much love to you today ♥
How did I not know this was out there? I have suffered 2 terrible miscarriages and found solace in the old BabyCenter boards but now I can’t wait to connect with others at this site. Wow Devan this is amazing. Just one more reason I love this whole internet thing.
HUGS to you Brittany for your losses – i am so sorry. Unspoken Grief was only launched 1 month ago & I am so happy the word is spreading that this space is out there for those of us who are looking to connect.
Wonderful post! I’m one of those “me too’s” and I’ve blogged about miscarriage as well. I wish I had access to the kind of support there is now back when I went through it. It is SO common.
I started blogging as a way to keep myself motivated to write regularly. I love how connections form among readers and writers.
What an amazing thing Devan is doing!
Blogging is a great way for moms to connect with other moms who have been in similar situations. It helps to remind us that we are not alone and to find support when we need it.
Great post Devan! Congrats on the feature!
Unspoken Grief is an amazing outlet for so many women. I went through multiple miscarriages too, and it’s so hard to process, especially when no one understands/wants to hear about it. You are brave and amazing.
You are such an amazing woman, Devan. I cannot relate or even begin to understand the pain that you and so many other women go through. But I know the pain never ends. It’s relentless. And that fact that you have provided such a caring and loving forum in which women can go and release some of that pain. Well, that just speaks VOLUMES to who you are as a person.
God bless you and everything you do.
Molly! thank you for your sweet words. xxo
Love you Devan!
xxo love you too
Amazing post! I am so glad you found the strength to talk about things that are hard. I am still new to blogging but my goal is someday soon to expand from my comfort zone and talk about the true struggles parenting can cause.
I can relate to the isolation you mention following a miscarriage. Especially since I had not told anyone (outside of immediate family) I was pregnant, how could I then explain my grief? Well, thank you for sharing your story and encouraging others to do the same. Your path was an incredible one.
What a gift you are giving so many women.
I will admit to having thought, in one case in particular, that an acquaintance was a little over the top in her situation. It’s not that I was unsympathetic, because I know it would have been hard for me if it ever happened to me, but I just didn’t get it. Then recently, a good friend of mine went through a miscarriage and I saw first hand how much it devastated my level-headed, rational friend who already had two beautiful children and it hit me a little more…not nearly as much as if I had personal experience, but I get it more now. You can’t judge or quantify another person’s grief, because it’s theirs and they have a right to it.
Devan…you are inspiring. That is all!
♥ thank you, truly Rachel
Devan, this is beautiful! I think you captured why people blog perfectly!
Today I read in a book that mom bloggers blog to be snarky. It struck a chord with me because I just don’t see how that’s true. I’ve seen plenty of snarky posts, but mostly I see a community of women finding their voice!
Congrats and applause on the success of such a great idea. Even if in grief, it’s joyous to see people coming together, sharing their heartfelt stories and bonding and I’m sure Unspoken Grief serves as a strong support system for those affected by miscarriage. I can only sit here and try to shake the very thought away, as I am excitedly expecting my own child at the moment and can’t even (or very much want to given my state) imagine what you and other families must go through. I’m one of only two successes of a woman who tried and miscarried for years until I was eleven year old and I know it almost killed her.
This is your best feature EVER. I love Devan and the fact that she is giving so many women a voice and I love that you wanted to share her with so many to help continue to erase the stigma surrounding loss.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to both of you strong ladies.
Jessica – your support has been incredible ♥ thank you!
This post was featured at one of The Best of The Best for March 11th
http://blmerrill.blogspot.com/2011/03/best-of-best-march-11.html
Oh wow what a great cause for blogging! Such a good post thanks for sharing,
Thank you so much for this touching post. I’m new to blogging but connecting with others who share similar joys and struggles was definitely a draw for me. I’m so inspired by what social networking can accomplish when used for good!
I think what you’re doing is great, Devan. I’m finding the same thing with the postpartum depression community – it helps SO much to hear those who say “me too”.