After a year long maternity leave when my son was born I went back to work full-time. In addition to many other challenges I faced, the brutal commute with a baby at that time made my life extremely hard. I knew I had to find another way to think out of the box beyond the typical “daytime” career and use my skills and knowledge to work from home. After a second pregnancy and another long maternity leave {in the midst of creating another career for myself from home}, I officially resigned.
I soon was asked THAT question over and over, “So, when are you going back to work?” Honestly, it’s like the never ending conversation.
Directly after giving birth to baby #1, it was inevitable. I had to go back to that full-time position with a brutal commute because financially, we had no other choice. Sometimes (whether we like it or not) we have to do what we have to do. But here’s the thing…
We are well educated women. We spent a ton of money to get into great schools and we are still paying off student loan debt.
We are hard working women, beginning steadfast careers in our fields prior to having babies.
We are incredibly strong women, making sacrifices and choices that are right for us because when it comes to motherhood as I’ve said before, it’s NOT one size fits all – it’s the size that fits YOU and your family.
Along with these difficult career and family choices that we made, we somehow still get bombarded with that question. I have resigned almost two years ago and I still get asked, “When are you going back?”
Back?
Back to what?
To a job that no longer “fit” me and my family?
A job that also came with a three hour round trip commute?
No, I am not going back.
And then the next question rolls in, “Well, are you ever going to go back?”
Quite frankly, I am always taken back by this question because it makes me feel as though I am not doing enough. Even though I contribute financially to the running of this household and put food on the table, this question makes me feel as though it’s not enough because I didn’t return to the traditional workforce. I am “working from home” and so therefore it is perceived that I don’t have a “real” job.
So to those that continue to ask me that question, my response is always the same. I am doing a pretty damn good job of earning a paycheck and raising my kids at the same time.
It’s on my terms.
I made this situation work.
I worked hard to figure this thing out and I balance this whole WAHM thing daily. It’s a decision I made and I am grateful for.
As I wrote in this post EVERY mom is a hard working mom. I think some people forget that there are women who choose to become a SAHM because THAT is what brings them pure joy and those that choose to work out of the home do so because it’s where they are most happy. I don’t pass judgment on any other mom because I don’t know what ultimately makes them happy, I don’t know their financial situation, nor do I know the needs and wants of their family.
But, what I do know is that if a mother makes a conscious decision to leave corporate America or that job they fought so hard to obtain, then there are some real concrete reasons involved in making that decision and whatever they are doing now, they ARE doing enough. Just because they “are not going back” doesn’t make them any less of a woman or mother.
Yes, I resigned from my position almost two years ago and as of right now, I have no intention of returning.
And what I am doing right now is enough – just ask one of my kids.
This question annoys me to no end as well. It’s as if people don’t have anything better to do than compare their life choices with other people’s. I find myself wanting to record my answer and play it when I get asked over and over and over again. I choose to be a SAHM right now because I know I will never have these years with my daughter back. And we are fortunate right now that my husband’s occupation allows me to do this.
If and when I need to go back to work, I pray I will be able to find something that will allow me to work and still be with my daughter. You are blessed in this aspect and I say more power to you! Women (and men too, actually) need to realize that we do what’s best for our own family – and that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s best for everyone else around us!
Four kids and ten years later and I still get asked this. My blog is dedicated to helping Moms find work from home so that they can stay home with their kids and yet I STILL get asked this question. There is nothing wrong with being a working Mom but there is NOTHING wrong with not being one either. I have been a WAHM for ten years when WAHM jobs were hard to come by and if you want to make it work you can.
By the way-have not had time to stop by the blog in a long time but it is awesome!
It doesn’t matter what we choose, we will always be questioned about it. I’m at the point where I’m not sure that I’m making the decision that is best for me or my family, but I also don’t have any alternatives at the moment. I think that as long as you and your family are happy, it doesn’t matter what others think or say.
What a great topic. I agree with Katherine– no matter what we do it, we will get questioned.
I was a FT working mom after Big Roo because I had no choice. I would have loved a PT gig but it wasn’t in the cards. Now, after having Little Roo, I work PT from home and get paid quite nicely. I know there are some people who think I’m doing too much and others who think I’m not doing enough. Truth is I’m doing what’s best for MY family. It’s what we should all do right? What’s best for our family. There’s nothing wrong with being a SAHM, WAHM, WOHM, student, part-time employee, freelancer, etc. As long as it works for us, that’s enough.
So, so true, Heather! I work from home also, but I always think of myself of a mom first and foremost. And I’m quite happy with that. ;0)
I know I am late to this party, as usual. I love this post Heather. It is exactly how I feel. I love being a work part time at home mom. And it IS a lot. It is enough to just be a mom and wife! Taking care of everything around the house from cleaning, to filing, to school papers, and cooking, let alone playing with the kids, nurturing their minds, and also paying some attention to my marriage, leaves me with a small window for work, a small window for blogging, and basically no time for me to read, watch TV, or whatever else I want.
I don’t know how working moms do it, but for us, this is enough right now. More than enough.
PS: I gave you a small shout-out on my 1 year Blogoversary Vlog. You may not remember but you took a LOT of time to help me out when I first got started. Thank you.
Great post as always! I can’t believe people ask you that question when you are working at home, I know some people find the SAHM difficult to understand and I appreciate that different situations work for different people. But how is working at home any different from working in the office – you kind of did go back.
As you say you need to find the situation that fits for you – you have it well sorted. I hope one day I can work from home and look after my family.
I quit my job a year and a half ago to stay home with my daughter, and I still get asked this question too. I can’t seem to understand why people don’t realize this too is a job!
Great post!! I just love it!