In the last couple of weeks my baby girl {who was once crawling around these hardwood floors and exploring every nook and cranny of this house} is now reaching yet another pivotal milestone; she is giving up the high chair.
It started with some whining when I placed her in the chair to the full on groan which included what I like to call the ‘snake move’ where she slithers and slides making it extremely difficult for me to get her in the chair. Then she pulls the old ‘all out stretch’ by tightening up her entire body including her legs where she completely stiffens herself so hard that I am unable to safely place her in the high chair.
It’s officially over.
And the reality is she’s growing up faster than I could have imagined and she resembles a little girl more than ever now. My baby is quickly disappearing…she has really developed into a beautiful little toddler and even through this process I have to admit, I am done.
No more children.
I’ve known that revelation since the day I gave birth to her but somehow it’s becoming increasingly more concrete or evident.
Or final.
I won’t have a baby to hold anymore.
I won’t have a baby that gives me that first smile or giggle.
I won’t have a baby to teach me something new.
I won’t have a baby. Anymore. Ever.
Because I know that I am done.
Since my daughter has made this jump from baby to toddlerhood in what feels like a matter of days has seemingly made my “I am done” scenario feel so very real.
I am a mother who comes from the camp that firmly believes a woman just knows when she’s done.
But, in this moment…right here, right now – why does it have to feel so final?
Congratulations on the new milestone! There isn’t anything wrong with KNOWING when you are done, you seem so melancholy about it though. It’s slightly a sad post.
Just think of all the other adventures there will be as she grows!
I think I am feeling this way because although I know I am totally done and it’s the reality that the “infant” stage is over and I’ll never have it back…when my son went through toddlerhood, I knew I was having another so it never felt so final…if that made sense. 😉
I understand, somewhat – i think i’ll have a deeper grasp on it in a few years when i go through the same thing with my little girl.
I feel the same way Thetamom. My daughter is 15months and and my son is 3 . Although I say that I’m done it makes me feel sad knowing those days are long gone. As my baby gets more and more independent each day and fun to watch her interact with my son , I will so miss the baby stages. If I could only slow down time when its most important and speed it up when its necessary.
It’s the next step in motherhood….
Raising independent children. It’s the one that doesn’t get all the press but is the most important one! It’s not final, it’s just beginning…
HUGS Mama… it feels final because it is and you still have to say goodbye to your baby, even when you are confident in your choices!
I’m the opposite, I don’t feel done, but I am divorced, so with no baby Daddy in the picture I am stalled. At first I wasn’t worried, I was 30…I had time, but it’s been four years and I’m still single, yet I still don’t feel done. It’s weird. I never wanted to be an ‘old’ mom!
I remember that feeling and I still get a twinge of it from time to time. I love the independence of my kiddos ages. However, I do miss snuggling with a freshly bathed baby. I do miss nursing. I do miss.
Just think of all the new adventures you will have with her now that she is getting a little bigger and more independent.
That doesn’t make it easier, right?
My daughter, too, just started to wrangle her way out of the high chair… it’s so weird to see them toddling around when you remember them being swaddled in baby blankets just “moments” ago!
Wishing I felt like I was done. Unfortunately, given the loss of our baby a few months ago I am scared to try again but feel nowhere near done…and the clock keeps ticking!
Such a bittersweet post – yet the best is yet to come! While you’ve acknowledged this one milestone – you know how many more are coming your way…enjoy the journey! And the best part? I look forward to all your new ‘milestone’ blogs!
Oh, how I know that bittersweet feeling. I would love one more, but know that I am done, too. I just have to extract promises from my sons that they will give me grandchildren (but not too soon – they’re still only 8!).
That is tough milestone to reach. After our second son was born, we decided to stop having children. A difficult pregnancy, a huge health scare, and a premature delivery convinced us that two was enough for our family. I was okay at first, but when he was two, I really went through a grieving period. Although I know we made the right decision, those milestones that your last child reaches are very bittersweet. Hugs.
oh i know *exactly* what you mean! my last (sob, sniffle) just turned 2 and he’s so-very-gloriously 2 (the tantrums! the NOs! the testing! oh my!) but still. STILL! it’s sad and hard. pass the chocolate.
I’m not a fan of the infant stage, so I’m not one of those moms who craves that time. Now if there was a way to birth kids who are 12-18 months old, I’d have a few more!
I agree that a woman knows when she is done. We have decided not to have any more babies, but I haven’t fully hit the “I’m done” stage yet.
It’s fun to see what the next phase brings, but it can be bittersweet to let go of the infant stage.
The decision about whether or not I was done really was made for me. I did not have my daughter until I was 40. And due to the risks that come with having children when you are older, my hubby and I knew that would be it. There have been times since we have wished it could be different. I went through a period when I cried anytime a friend told me she was pregnant. Other times I have been 100% OK with it. I vacillate madly. But, I consider myself blessed to have one wonderful, healthy and happy child.
Interesting timing for a post like this…(overshare alert) my DH just made a consultation appointment for a certain procedure that will render us done, and I am having a tough time with it. My head says “done”, but I’m not there emotionally and am worried we’re making a mistake. The only worry he has is that I’m losing my mind thinking about another one! I thought I would really feel done, and I don’t
*sigh* you made me cry. My youngest is 6 months and my hubby says HE’s done but I don’t feel anywhere NEAR done. I want at LEAST one more and then adopt one (the adoption can be an older child) but the point is I feel like I’m a mama to more than 2 kids. Yet I have only 2. Does that make sense?
At least hubby agrees to adoption but he doesn’t want to do the ‘baby’ thing anymore…it’s funny- I hate being pregnant when I am pregnant (so UNCOMFORTABLE) but I long to BE pregnant when I’m not LOL
Lovely post & congrats on a new milestone! I haven’t even busted out the high chair with my youngest yet but it’s coming….then it’s just a few steps to toddlerhood.
Buster turns 3 in a mere 13 days. I’m mourning the loss of a baby. I associate turning 3 with no longer being any sort of a baby. That said, we haven’t fully decided if we’re done, so the closer he gets to 3, the more my heart is aching for another baby.
This is such tough transition stage. Whether the decision is made for you or you are content with the call, it is still such an odd transition to watch your kids grow up. My son’s 5th birthday was on Saturday, and I was close to tears the whole darn day. My daughter is 21 months old, and trying to go potty and has conversations with stringing words together. It’s both wonderful and sad at the same time. I think it brings a different fear too- we spent all this time figuring out how to parent babies and toddlers– now we have to raise independent children!!
Sending you a hug!
I completely understand this sad and final decision – even though it is the right one for us. I packed up the last of the baby clothes last week and promised I would not cry! I didn’t…. but I still kinda sorta wished we had another…
Oh . . . my third is 1.5 and I don’t have the final feeling. I’m wondering when WILL it feel final!?
it’s a very bittersweet moment, isn’t it? i’ve lamented each of my daughter’s milestones, (while being equally proud and happy) because i don’t want to be done, but yet i know we are. we have 1 boy and 1 girl and can comfortably afford both. my husband doesn’t want more kids, and my head knows that we don’t need anymore. so my head agreed to a vasectomy, and while my heart feels sad about it, my head keeps telling me it was the right thing to do. that doesn’t make it any easier to know that every day i go farther and farther away from life with a young child.
I’m done, too.
And I’m usually okay with it. But, the times when my youngest seems so grown up are HARD. Or when I see a precious sleeping newborn and know that I won’t ever have another…
But, it’s a new stage. One I’m ready for.
I think that when are kids move on to the next milestone is a endearing thing to be able to be part of. As a mother of two girls, 5 and 2.. I’m right there with you when you say you’re done. I’ve been done for a while now. As far as the husband goes.. he still wants that boy, but as far as my body and mentality goes… I’m done! Good for you for making a decision that only you can make! Congrats on the new milestone.
My daughter just decided as well that she will no longer sit in her highchair either! So frustrating!
I knew I was done after my second was born. DONE. I am so done that once when my period was late I had a supreme panic attack, while driving, and had to pull over to cry!
Whew! I thought you were done being Theta Mom!
It is hard when you realize that you’re done with having more kids. I only have one, so I still have a hard time with it. But I’m enjoying my daughter a lot more as a kid than I did when she was a baby or toddler!
I can relate, I just had my last baby and the “it’s all done” thoughts already crossed my mind with pregnancy. Each time that I hold my newborn I try to remember to cherish each and every second. As long as I do that I don’t think I will have any regrets.
I hear exactly where you’re coming from. I knew I was done when my 6 yr old was 5 months old. Prior to that I had always wanted three, but I realized then, in a very specific moment, that I couldn’t do it again. There was some sadness in that realization. I had a hard time with the baby phase. but I am really enjoying the elementary school years. While you may be done having babies you are not nearly done being a mom – you have so much ahead of you! Every phase is different and brings new challenges.
I am “pretty sure” I am done. I really rather doubt there will be anymore since our second has almost killed me :p
But that chance is still lingering until the husband takes that very final step and goes “snip”
That’s a hard milestone to hit. I’ve hit it and bounced off of it for awhile now. I think that I may be addicted to the “new baby” milestones and those firsts. I want more so badly, but I’m just not sure if my mental state can handle it! LOL
I guess if I’m not absolutely sure then I don’t “know I’m done” as you’re talking about. It’s just so hard to watch them grow up!
I have a hard time with this, myself. I like to think that I am done but then there are days when I sit there and think how great it would be to have just one more. But then there are also days (more than not) where I am thankful that my kids are able to be independent and I can get a full night’s sleep. I don’t know if I will ever feel like I am definitely done. The hubs is done though so I guess I am done.
You know I struggle with this. I’m in the same camp. I am done. D-O-N-E. And I know that’s the right decision for our family. But it IS sad to know the baby phase is over. I just have to remember that another baby equals another child, and I am all set with the two I have! 😉
Bawling. Yep, you’ve got me crying about the exact.same.thing I was bawling about last night. My son is going to be 10 months old next week and he will be our last baby. I had my tubes tied when he was born and knew I never wanted another baby again. I honestly didn’t “enjoy” the baby stage with either of my colicky, acid-refluxy baby boys, but the stage seemed to last so much longer with my first. Probably because I had no grasp yet on how quickly it goes by. I swear this one is running as fast as he can out of the baby stage and I find myself rocking him (legs and arms hanging off my body like he’s 2 not 10 mos) and just weeping because I know it’s almost over. The big, toothy grins, the spontaneous baby laughter, the sheer adoration they have for us, the way they open their mouth to give those slobbery kisses. But, here’s what keeps me going. It’s only a matter of time before they learn their first words. They figure out how to do something you ask. And most importantly, just remember, you are that much closer to when they say the most wonderful, sweet sounding words on Earth, “Mom, I love you.” I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about him saying it
that must feel very bittersweet. I have a 28 month old and i *know* it’s almost time to get going on number 2. it is crazy how a mother has that distinct intuition on when it is “time.”
thinking of you… enjoy each moment.
After the birth of our fourth baby, I was done. My husband was over-done. Accompanying him to the surgeon for a vasectomy a few weeks later, neither of us had any regrets.
But now that my baby has started kindergarten, I wish we could have another one.
It’s a very confusing and unanticipated emotion.
So congrats to you on feeling done. (And I hope you will continue to feel that way.) It’s wonderful to feel like your family is complete.
At least you KNOW that you are done, I am still teetering back and forth on a daily basis on that front. I wish I had the certainty of being done, rather than this constant will I wont I. I am freaking running out of time, my clock is ticking like a bomb and the gap between my girls and this possibly existent child is ever growing. Congrats on the milestone, just enjoy and savor every last drop of it. DOnt miss a second that you dont have to.HUGS!
All I can say, is that I don’t feel done. But, we lost a lot of time…it took 5.5 years to get PG, so, if I could have had more, I would have.
We have 3, but I still feel not complete yet.
Just one more?
I know, it’s a hard decision no matter what decision you make! I was always of the school of thought that I wanted a lot of kids, like 5 a lot. But, now that I’ve had my first little angel, I am almost positive I’m actually a two baby Mama. It’s a lot to take in, to come to terms with.
While I know this a very tough moment for you, I have to tell you I let out a big sigh of relief when I started to read your post. When I read your tweet, I panicked and thought you were done blogging! Thank GOODNESS that’s not the case.
Call me shallow, but I just had to share!
Thanks for that Katie! Nice to know I would be missed. 😉 I actually have some awesome plans for Theta Mom coming soon, so stay tuned!
This makes me sad…I know that I’m done…but some days, as my two year old runs free and speaks words I didn’t know he had…I feel like I need to hold just one more baby. Conflicted, for sure….
Oh Heather, I feel on the same wavelength as you today. I’m having a tinge of baby envy and lamenting that my youngest is now a preschooler. It’s hard to let that go sometimes.
Enjoy your “baby” girl…she always will be
I knew when I had JDaniel at forty three that he would probably be an only. I still sometimes wish I had meant my husband earlier so we could have had more.
I can relate to this completely. We’re a few weeks shy of my little girl’s first birthday and as I look back through the photographs from the past year I start to worry that I’m going to forget some of those precious times. For me I think it’s because I see how independent she is already and I worry about her needing me less and less even though I know in my head that she’ll just need me in different ways. I’m a one and done mommy and I knew that before myduaghter was born, but I didn’t know just how quickly this time would pass. Give your girl an extra squeeze today and know that she’ll always be your baby
I guess being done is really bittersweet. I’m still hemming and hawing which probably means that I’m really not.
I know that when I come to that place, I’m going to be relieved, excited and also sad. *big hugs*
Oh, I am SO done! ;0) But I still ache a little everytime I see a baby. I guess I’ll just have to wait for grandchildren. Which, considering mine are 14 and 10, I hope and pray is quite a good long ways off!
We have friends, though, who thought they were done and they just found out they’re expecting. She is 46 years old and he is 50! Can you imagine? They are still trying to absorb the news. So, you never know, Heather! LOL!
Oh Heather I agree there is so much to look forward to as they grow up but I totally understand a little bit of sadness. It’s hard to watch them grow up! I think it’s good though, that you know you are done and that you had that feeling.
I thught I would after Violet but I had excatly the opposite…all I felt was love for her and an absolute feeling that I was not done. My husband did not have the same feeling. So as I watch Violet grow up I am sad a lot and my body’s hormoes are crying out for one more baby.
Whether I have another or not, I hope I start to feel done so I stop feeling so crazy!
Hugs!
We are not officially done yet but I know it will be bittersweet when we are.
I think it’s hard no matter what. Even if you are 100% sure that you are done, no questions asked. When the baby stage is officially over, you’ll mourn that loss even as you rejoice in her growth.
Well put. We are expecting our finale, and while I know we are done, there is still that small part of me that mourns each milestone I’ll never experience first hand ever again. I suppose that’s why there are grand children.
I think that even when you know you are done, you’re still going to experience some sadness.
We are trying for our third, and I’m still not sure if we will be “done” or not. I hope I just know.
Ah, the snake move. That was the classic go to move both of my kids did. They do grow up so fast. Just don’t pull out the newborn photos right now! It might be a little to much to realize all that change.