I wanted to start out this post by saying how much I appreciate those of you who continue to support TMC. It’s a community that continues to grow and what still amazes me is how many bloggers have truly met others through this network. I’ve seen some really new bloggers that start out here and after adding a listing they begin to connect and build their own tribe with others from this very space.
However, as this community continues to grow it’s getting harder and harder for me to choose which blogs to feature every Friday. Therefore, in order to be considered for the Featured TMC Blogger of the week you must visit the current Featured Blogger of the week and comment on that blog. I will be selecting and notifying future TMC Feature Bloggers who will be chosen directly through the comments on the blogs of other Featured Bloggers. This will not only make the process easier, but it will also bring more exposure to the Featured TMC Bloggers which is essentially the whole point of the features anyway! I will continue to shut off comments for those posts on my blog to encourage comments on the actual Featured TMC Blogger. So be sure to start commenting this Friday on the actual site of the FB, especially if you would like to be considered as a Featured Blogger yourself!
Next, many of you know by now that I am a social media consultant for Chic Mama, helping them launch a new Twitter account so you can find me tweeting @TheChicMama Please be sure to follow on Twitter there {I follow back} and please tell all of your mommy friends to do the same. If you have already followed me there, thanks so much for supporting me and if you haven’t followed yet, go follow now!
Finally, I was hanging out with a couple of my neighbors recently and some of these women have children that are much older than mine. We ended up having a pretty intense discussion about the topic of iphones and Facebook and I was pretty shocked to hear what they were sharing. Some of the moms told me that they are finding it difficult to catch some middle ground right now; apparently, there are many children (beginning in 5th grade and some even earlier) who already have iphones and utilize Facebook accounts – and are very active on both. They went on to tell me that many of the moms they are referring to (who allow their kids to have these privileges) are actually good friends of theirs but they do not share the same perspective when it comes to texting, sharing photos, social media and their children. The problem is, the children who are using their own iphones (excessively though texting) and utilizing Facebook accounts are setting a precedent with their own friends, making it harder on the moms that are standing their ground by saying “no.”
As we were sitting outside together talking very intensely about this issue, it was one of those moments I was actually glad my little ones were tucked in bed sleeping and that I don’t have to deal with this yet…who knows what will be available five years from now but until then, I would love to hear your thoughts on this very active debate:
At what age do you think it’s appropriate for your child to have a Facebook account and/or an iphone?
Facebook , if I am not mistaken allows signing up after the age of 14, thats an accepted norm and that’s okay as long as the child (he/she is still a child at 14) the list of do’s and dont’s on facebook, Wish Facebook had specific instructions for the 14-16 yr olds.
Parents in fact can rather give an ‘okay’ to their kids on using facebook as long as they are sure that it wont be misused.
And if you do allow ur kids to get an account, dont try to keep a tab excessively or monitor them too much(i.e if you friend them).
Give them the space and they would reciprocate,
Ka
It’s actually 13. I was one of those “mean” moms who made my daughter wait until her 13th birthday to sign up. I know a lot of moms who lied about their kids ages when they signed them up. That, to me, sends the wrong message.
I stand corrected. 13 seems okay to me and as others say, they should be made wary of the do’s and dont’s
I guess kids have to be 13 or older in order to sign up on facebook. Like you said, i have seen a lot of kids using faceboook and the iPhone these days.
It would be great if parents make sure that the kids know how to use the iPhone and facebook in a good way and not misuse it!
Facebook is, like so many other things in our society, a two-edged sword. For bloggers and those looking to socialize/connect/market, it’s incredibly effective! However the potential that is raved about is also the potential for concern when someone very young that is accessing it doesn’t have the ability (or desire!) to filter that which is not appropriate. When MySpace first took so much flak for the young girl running off to the Middle East to get married, I think (hope?) that it was a warning to parents. Monitoring and/or limiting access to things like Facebook (or whatever it may be tomorrow) isn’t fun or pleasant- and often requires stepping further into technology than what some find comfortable- but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do as parents?
We got my daughter her own account last year when we moved away from family (my husband joined the Army). She was nine. I keep her password, her profile is private, the only “friends” on it are actual real life friends and family members. I log into her account on a regular basis to deny weird people friend requests, she knows she’s not allowed to accept those.
This is crazy, I just my son his own account on Facebook because I’m tired of him playing my games on my account. He’s six, same as his sister though. Actually he can’t sign into his account without me typing in the password because he doesn’t know it. He doesn’t use his Facebook other than for playing games. Sometimes he chats with his Aunt. He can’t write very well. Please don’t slam me for this decision.
I will not allow my children to get MySpace’s. Ever. And it should be pointed out that neither of my children are allowed on the computer on school day’s, so they are not on it excessively (like me!).
My daughter is ten and is one of the few ten years olds in her classes that DOES NOT have a cell phone. I have considered it, but I feel like I’d be having her grow up too fast. I don’t know, I don’t want her texting her friends all day long, I’d rather have her go out and play, ride her bike, read a book.
You know, these days, the way I think of it, I’d rather have my kids have a Facebook account to communicate with family and play games at home, than to go out and be having sex. My little sister was eleven her first time, that just floors me, she was living with me at the time and I didn’t even realize it was something I should be worried about at her age. Eleven. Crazy.
I think different parents have different reasons why they do or don’t allow certain things, and I think that’s perfectly acceptable. Really, you know what your child can handle, nobody else can know that.
My issue with kids younger than 13 being of Facebook is that it sends the message to kids that it is ok to lie. The site’s rule is that you must be 13 to have an account. If you create an account for a younger child, aren’t you sending the message that it’s acceptable to lie and break the rules?
Honestly I never thought of it in those terms. Facebook is mainly their only means of communication with family members so far away. That was the deciding factor. My oldest already knows I lie because she knows the truth of Santa and the Tooth Fairy. No, that’s not an excuse, I’m just saying.
I have to say I’m finding all the comments interesting. They make me think, however for our family this is what works.
Around here, middle school seems to be the age where cell phones become accepted and most kids begin to have a presence online. Personally, I’m not a fan of the iphone (or any smart phone) for kids. I don’t see the need. My now almost nine year old will get a cell phone when I feel that he needs it to be safe and be able to contact me. As far as Facebook, my husband HATES it, so I doubt my kids will be on it before high school LOL. I am a firm believer in setting limits and for many years my children will be required to share their passwords with me and allow me to monitor their online activity. Just like I won’t allow them to go off for hours at a time without telling me, I don’t plan to let them spiral off in the online world on their own. Heck, I already have practice being the “mean mom” who limits Wii and Ds and computer playtime. What’s one more thing?
What!? Who are these parents that can afford to spend hundreds of dollars on an iPhone for a CHILD? This just amazes me. IF my kids get a cell phone before they can pay for it themselves, you can be sure that I will have all sorts of parental controls and GPS on that sucker. As for Facebook – They can have an account when they’re old enough to have one by the Facebook Terms of Service AND if it’s connected to mine (i.e. they list me as a parent on the account). I will require full access to the Facebook account at all times and if they change the password without my knowledge, you’ll find the computer in my bedroom closet, thankyouverymuch.
Of course, my kids are only toddlers, so this may be a null issue by the time they get old enough to worry about it, but I know exactly what I would have done with Facebook as a teenager and I’m not about to let my own kids do that!
Haha, You are right, but i Guess iPads make more sense for kids to use..and again that costs a bomb!
But iPads are surely fast becoming the childrens toy of the year and decade.
Under Parental Guidance, both devices are excellent. It just depends on how you want to use em.
My boys are very young too, so glad I don’t have to face this, YET. I know our day will come. I have heard kids having phones and being on FB as young as 11. To me that sounds way too young! My hubby and I were talking about this the other day, how we feel that while having a phone is good for safety reasons we aren’t really sure at what age we will allow this. A few of my friends had said that the problem is the other parents allow their children to have them so then their child feels left out, etc. That is a hard battle. Ugh I am dreading this for sure.
great idea on the Featured TMC blogger. I need to find some new blogs to read… and would love to be feautrured so ill def check that out each week.
my son is going ot live in a bubble until he is 25 or maybe 45. LOL i know not realistic, but wow, i dont even want to think about where the tech and social media will be by the time he is in Kindergarten! I hope I tend to the conservative side…
Hmmm…I am anxious to read the answers to this because I have no idea. Having a little child…I’m not up on all the trends, etc. I am sure that whatever age it is now…it will just keep getting younger and younger. Seems like everything happens that way these days!
TRUE! The next generation will be texting before writing and will be encouraged to speak under 140 characters:)
I don’t think children should be on Facebook until high school. Even then, their account should be closely monitored by the parents. The Internet is a very dangerous place for kids, and they aren’t always able to recognize that. I have a friend whose teenage daughter met a middle aged sexual predator online w/out realizing it. She made arrangements to meet him in person. Thankfully, her mom discovered the plans in advance and contacted police and they guy was arrested.
Now, there is a significant difference between a cell phone and an iPhone. I can’t think of any reason a child needs a smart phone. If they raise the money to buy one and pay for the significantly higher plan cost, that would be one thing (and again I would insist they were in high school). A basic cell phone so that they have the ability to communicate with us (and their friends) would be all I would provide, probably in middle school.
Congrats on the new gig!
I too am grateful that I don’t have to deal with things like that just yet. I’ve never felt comfortable ‘meeting’ people online when i was younger. I had many friends that met people through chat rooms and had MySpace accounts but I always preferred to either chat with my school friends or meet people in person. I hope that I can convince my daughter to do the same when she is older.
As for an iPhone… no. I’m sorry but I recall a time when I had to BEG my mom for a pager and I was 15. And she only agreed to get me one so she could get in touch with me when I was out of the house.
Maybe I’ll be back with an intelligent comment later, but for now I’m just sitting here with a pit in my stomach.
One, my kids are going to hate me for making them pariahs, but I cannot imagine letting them use iPhones and Facebook in THE FIFTH GRADE.
And two, as much as I love technology, the world is changing faster than I would like it to. I’m scared for all the access my kids will have to things they just shouldn’t know at a young age.
I need to think about my answer re: what age I think it is appropriate… I’ll be back later to comment! 😉
I thought Facebook initially had a minimum age limit of 14 to set up an account. I would say at LEAST 14.
And I see no reason for a child to have a cell phone until they are old enough to do things and go places without an adult.
That’s a tough question. I think holding off as long as possible is the best way to go. FB, like the others have said, has to be at least 14 years to have an account. As for phones, no way would I let my teenager have an iPhone. A phone with texting sure, but I’m not sure about internet access. Why does a teenager (or younger in some cases) need to be connected all of the time? Why does anyone for that matter (she said, sheepishly eyeballing her iPhone).
My daughter is 7 and has a phone that can only dial about 5 numbers (all of which are family). I bought it for her because she goes to her dad’s every other weekend (court ordered) and her dad has done some things in the past around her that make me a nervous wreck. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m crazy for getting it for her. it’s a matter of my daughter being able to call me if she needs me to pick her up – and not having to try and find a phone from her dad who probably wouldn’t give her one to use anyway. If I’m being forced to send my child there, then I’m going to take every single precaution I can to ensure that my girl feels safe at all times. She hasn’t had to use it since she’s been going back over there but it’s there if she needs it. Any other time, her cell phone is in my purse. She knows how to text (for emergencies) and I don’t see anything wrong with it. Now, if the situation were different there is NO way I would allow her to have a cell phone at the age of 7. And an iphone?? Yeah right! I don’t even have an iphone. As far as Facebook is concerned, she is way too young and it sickens me to see children with facebook accounts.
As to Facebook, my child would have to be AT LEAST 14. I still have a few years to go until my oldest is that age, but I really have no desire for her to be on there.
iPhones, or any cell phone, are not necessary for a child. Possibly when they’re teenagers and spending more time out with friends than at home, just so you can keep in touch. But I don’t think kids need a phone. The only time my kids use an iPhone is when their dad lets them play games on there.
I am thinking high school or maybe 13 to get a Facebook.
And I might get “flamed” for this, but when I upgrade and get a new iPhone, I’m just going to keep my old one for my son. Yes, he’s a toddler but he dances to music from the iPod and has over 20 games on it. He will be able to use all that and have the phone not connected.
I think it depends on the child. Some kids may be OK with Facebook at 13 when they can sign up. Others may still be really immature. Since we’re a military family and all our relatives are 2 hours or more away, I’d be inclined to let my kids have Facebook when they’re 13 with limits. I really like what one of my friends does with her kids. While they live at home, there is a notebook by the computer. ALL user names and passwords MUST be written down in that notebook for a parent to check their accounts at any time for misuse. Failure to do so results in a punishment to fit the crime. They have been laid out in advance.
An iphone is another story. I don’t even have one. I’m certainly not giving my tween one. If anything, I’d do a prepaid phone for emergencies ONLY with the kids first. They can have a plan when they can pay for it.
This is a tough one! My oldest is onmly 4 so I definitely have some time…but at the same time my 4 year olf wants to know when she can have her own website like mommy. Uh oh! I feel a private blog coming on in a couple of years 😉
I think I will stick with the facebook rules for the age limits and I will be friends with all my kids until they day they die so as long as they are in my house they will friend me on facebook (and will never use myspace) and will sign up to follow my blog. Hehe easy subscribers huh? Kidding.
As far as the cell phone – I will not be puchasing my kids a phone that costs that much. If they want to work to afford something then I think I’m okay around jr high but I really don’t want phones in classrooms so I’m wondering how to handle it. I know there are little phones that will ponly call a few numbers like home, police, neighbor etc. I may do one of those for safety reasons.
Great topic Heather!
My phone is a 1-cent phone — I don’t even carry a smart phone… No way would my kids have one until he/she could pay for it him/herself. Until then, if a 1-cent phone is good enough for mom, it’s good enough for my kids, too.
My kids are young (5 and 3) and don’t have a clue what facebook is. i have an account, but don’t play games on it, so they don’t see anything cool if I happen to log in when they’re around — I usually check it when my hubby is giving them a bath. I can’t make a decision on this right now as neither of my kids is old enough, nor interested, but I know I’ll have to think about it in the future.
I allowed my daughter to have a MySpace in 6th grade (she still doesn’t have a cell phone and is literally the only one of her friends who doesn’t). If I had to do it again, I would not give her a Facebook or MySpace until she was in high school. She was off the computer more often than on it because of poor use of this media. This year, she seems to be making wiser choices and it has been less of an issue. (She is now in 8th grade).
Sadly, THIS is how kids communicate now. They don’t talk on the phone. They text or FB. When she isn’t allowed on FB, she feels completely cut off from her social network. And sometimes that isn’t always a bad thing. I notice when there is too much friend contact, her attitude is not very pleasant.
If I could turn back time, I’d wait. Middle school is tough enough. Adding social media and iphones to the mix is like putting gasoline on the fire. Trust me.
I have to pipe in on this one! You are right – this is the only way they communicate. Gone are the days they hang on the house phone for hours on end. They will spend all day with their friends, then zoom home to chat on FB.
Kidlet #1 got a FB just before she was a freshman in high school and we were THE only parents that held out that long!
As far as a phone – we did give our 11 year old a plain-jane model phone this year (6th grade – and again every kid already had one!) for the specific use of texting us when he arrives at school. We are a couple blocks away from school and he wanted to walk. He has very clear guidelines about the use and it is turned off and on the parent counter before 8 pm.
Well, I don’t have to worry about that for a while either. But I have thought about it a lot and my husband and I are very strong in our stance. No cell phones and facebook until 13. If they need a cell phone at a practice or something then they can borrow mine. Or we will get one of those nifty phones that can only receive calls from certain numbers… and only a certain number of texts. A small amount at that.
I really don’t think a child needs to be that connected. 13 is the earliest my husband and I agree on and even then it will be supervised.
Great discussion! I’m looking forward to seeing what others are saying!
I’m in the same category as Heather – thankful that my kids are still young enough that I don’t have to answer the question yet!
My saving grace: my husband didn’t get a mobile phone until about a month before my older daughter was born.
My oldest is 12 and he does not have FB yet. We will wait until he is 13. Partly because it is what it states as a rule but mainly because we have one computer in the house right now and it is THE MOMMAS:) JK. When he does get FB, we will have the password. He will not.
All of his friends have FB (and I mean ALL of them) but he knows why he does not have FB yet and does not hound us about it. All of his friends have requested friendship with me or my husband and we will let him get on with his long distance friends. His school friends, he can wait a another 8 hrs or just text them.
So yes, he has a phone. Not an iphone (hello!) but he does have a texting phone. He has had a phone since he was 8. No texting til this year, but we had a pay by the minute before because he is very active in sports as are the girls. We stay at our daughters practices, which is why he had a phone.
We go through his texts and talk to him when we see questionable stuff on there. We explain to him why it is inappropriate and then if we see it more, he is deep crap! We have blocked a kid for being stupid and have had to talk to a parent before.
well, first of all I don’t have an iphone, so there’s no way i’d get my kid one. ultimately, an iphone is a frivolous purchase, and i don’t think they need something like that until they can pay for it themselves. on the other hand, when my children become more independent, staying away from home longer, etc. i will get them a basic cell phone without internet access so they can talk to their friends without clogging up MY phone line and so they will always be able to call me.
. as for Facebook… when he is old enough and wants one i will let him have it with very strict rules in place. 1) he can ONLY be friends with people he has met in person 2) it will be understood that i will know his password so if need be i can monitor his activity
i’m sure i’ll add more rules when the situation arises… but for now he’s legally not allowed to get one until he’s 13, and he’s only 7 so i have a few years left to adjust the rules.
I am sitting here reading all of these comments trying to keep my blood from boiling. Good God people! They are children. They don’t need anything remotely close to IPhones or Facebook accounts.
Reasons:
1. They don’t have money to pay for expensive phone when they shatter the screen, get it wet, or lose it. It will happen. You might as well have flushed the phone down the toilet yourself.
2. They see their friends EVERY DAY. Why do they need to Facebook with them? If it is to keep in touch with relatives, then aren’t they on your account. Just show them the latest photo album from Aunt Emily and call it good.
3. You are the parent. Say no. Use every cliche’ parenting phrase passed down from generation to generation. Think “If your friends jumped off…blah, blah, blah. We owe it to our ancestors to keep these parenting tirades alive and kicking.
4. They are kids. Let them be kids. Tell them to go play outside and pick up a board game or deck of cards. (gasp, do they even know what those are?!)
The children in today’s society that are spoiled, lazy, and have no work ethic are because of THE PARENTS! You aren’t supposed to be their buddy, their ATM, or their door mat.
Okay, I feel better that I got that out. My intention is not to offend anyone but if you are offended, why? [self-reflect now]
The word “No”. Learn it, live it, love it.
4. You are
I wouldn’t say that I am offended by this, but I do think that it is a little too black and white for my taste. I think that every generation deals with change in parenting and technology, and we need to think thoughtfully and carefully about those changes instead of just having a knee jerk reaction to dismiss those technological changes.
I am sure parents originally thought there was no need for a second phone in the house, or a cordless phone, or the concept of a driving permit as opposed to just a license.
Considering the fact that I don’t have an iPhone, I don’t think my seven year old is getting one anytime soon.
Really though, I think the rules for phones should be that if you want your kid to have a cell phone (for emergencies or whatever) they just need the most basic phone. If they want a fancy one with a data plan, they can get one when they have a job that pays for it!
I may be the bad mom here….
My oldest (almost 15 now, 9th grade) had a myspace account in 6th grade and my middle child (11, 6th grade) had a FB account in 5th grade. Currently, they both only have Facebook accounts.
Here’s the thing. They can do it w/my permission. I must know their passwords. I must know their friends. I must always be their friend.
This is how kids communicate and keep in touch with one another…. when I was their ages I was always on the phone. Always. This is their phone. More or less.
I monitor how much time they spend online and everything. If I see something I don’t like I ask them to remove it and explain why. I even read the email messages that you can send in Facebook.
My middle daughter started her FB w/o my permission while at her dads house and I can’t always control what they do when they’re not here with me. It’s really one of the more difficult things. We talked about the account and came to an agreement and she is sticking to it. Both of the kids are.
Now, an iPhone! That’s crazy. I want one! They both have phones because they play sports, have after school activities, and have to walk from their schools to their grandma’s house every day after school because I’m at work. They need to be able to communicate with me if needed. And there just aren’t that many pay phones anymore!
They call me their stalker. But it’s the price they have to pay. And I think we’re all okay with it!
I’m a bad mom too. You’re not the only one!
I don’t even have an iPhone! I may be totally old fashioned here but I feel like high school, *maybe* middle school would be ok for a phone/facebook account. But, my kid is 2, so who knows what kind of stuff will be on the market by the time she’s in school.
i have two teenaged sisters, and i kind of think facebook is the devil when it comes to that age group. they don’t know how to be responsible with that type of technological freedom. that being said, i don’t know if it’s realistic to ban my kids from facebook when they’re older…it’s not like they’re only going to have access to a computer at home. i tend to think i’ll allow facebook once they’ve reached the minimum age, but i’ll have their password and they’ll know i can shut it down whenever i feel like it.
as for an iphone…hell no. cell phone, yes. i want to be able to reach them. but i don’t plan on allowing them to text friends constantly, just like when i was at home i had a limit on the amount of time i could talk on the phone. and i feel like an iphone is just way too much freedom for a teenager. constant access to the internet, streaming friend updates, and everything they might need to get into lots of trouble. hell. no.
My little one is not even two.
But I went through this as a tween as a social media and cell phones were just trickling down when I was in high school.
I agree with those who said it depends on the child: maturity level, responsibility, whether they’ve earned the privledge of trusting them to put themselves out there.
I wouldn’t “friend” my child, but me having access (passwords and usernames to ALL online accounts) would be mandatory.
Oh, you are so lucky to at least have been exposed to the possibilities that may be ahead.
I remember some advice, and it has made things easier for me and our boys. A pastor at our church had said, “watch the privileges you dole out early, b/c it’s difficult to take them back once given.”
So, we’ve always lived with limits, and time limits. etc.
So, when our oldest did get his own Ipod touch and FB and gmail at age 15, he already knew and expected he’d get limits. B/c he had them with Nintendo, computer, etc.
So, he knew: I hold the Ipod until he needs it. Same with FB. Time limits, and in a public place.
Once they know that that’s how it is: they’re not surprised, nor do they fight it.
We have a password he needs for the FB, we log him in. And he has a password that we log him in with on his iPod touch. And he has a family cellphone that he shares with his brothers.
He’s already used to the limits.
I had heard that advice when they were 2 and 3 yrs old, and we began raising them that way then.
It’s worked for us, thus far.
Great advice … we’ve made some mistakes with our oldest in terms of freedoms/privileges and now are revoking or scaling back some of those things. The pastor was right: It is so difficult to remove freedoms once they’re given. Not impossible, but painful and unpleasant for parent and child.
Well my husband and I both agreed that it would be our childs 15th birthday when they would get their first cell phone…but iPhone? I think that should be until they can pay for it themselves. Those things are expensive! a smart phone should be used by those who really need it. I think thats just a waste to give to a child. Come on…do they really need to check their emails constantly?
Now with facebook….I dont know. Theres this new movie coming out called Catfish and its about Facebook. This guy in it goes to meet someone he met on facebook and gets a surprise. I dont know what the surprise is but it cant be good if its a movie right? Maybe thats just the pessimist in me talking.
But as for facebook, I think when they can truly realize the dangers of the internet and be careful about what they post on there than it should be fine. So,I’m guessing with that preliminary…21?
with kate not yet 5, we haven’t personally had to make a decision regarding things like cell phones and facebook yet. i have heard many a story about excessive texting, too, and even how much of it goes on all night long.
i don’t know what ages i feel are appropriate, but i do think there needs to be definite rules to these privileges. for example, a child who has a cell phone should turn it off and give it to mom and dad when they are at home, and most definitely overnight. and with things like facebook, i think the parent and child need to be FB friends with one another, with the parent also having passwords, etc, to get into the child’s account as needed.
I don’t want Sam to have a phone till she can drive. There is no reason for her to be glued to a txting device. She should be out playing or hanging with her friends not hanging with them through a comp or phone.
I have no clue. We definitely won’t be breaking rules or lying to get our girls facebook pages. But who knows – in 10 years it might be something totally different we’re worried about!
Wow, I’m glad I only have a 6 year old, so I don’t have to deal with this yet! iPhones are expensive, and I don’t really see the need for a child to have one. Maybe when they’re in high school. I want to hold off on Facebook until my daughter is 12 or so. There’s going to be some very strict rules, including she has to friend me, and she knows I’ll be on her like a hawk if she posts anything that inappropriate. I’ll also have to know all her Facebook friends.
As it is, she’s already interacting with other people on Webkins, which has me a little nervous. As far as I can tell, they are limited in what they can “talk” about (with pre-typed sentences).
I’m making my kiddo wait til he’s 13 for a facebook account. As for a cell phone, I don’t think he really needs to have one until he can take on the responsibility of paying for his minutes/texting etc. So when he’s old enough to get an after school job, then I think he can handle the responsibility of taking on a cell phone.
My sons are 11 and 13, and most of their friends have phones. We are talking about buying a phone for the older child simply because we were so shaken by the arrival of a registered sex offender in the neighborhood. The world is a dangerous place, unfortunately.
Some of my sons’ friends are on Facebook, but we have restricted it for now. When my sons are allowed on Facebook, I will make sure to friend them and police their updates to make sure they are appropriate.
My kids are still way too little for this to be a personal issue for me, but it is interesting to consider (and makes me wonder what the issue will be when they are a little older.) I think kids should definitely not have a facebook before 13, because that is the rule, but I don’t necessarily think that 13 is the right age for all kids.
As a former middle school teacher, I know that texting, IMing, FBing, etc. is the way that kids today communicate. When I was that age, I had a phone in my room and talked to people all. the. time. The rule was I had to have the door open so my parents could hear the conversation if they walked by. I think that it’s important to communicate with your kids about the dangers of technology AND the advantages of technology and to make rules that make sense for your individual family. Maybe that’s a cop-out of an answer, but I think the majority of parenting can’t be dictated by cut and dry age limits.
But I don’t have an iPhone, so I don’t see getting one for a child anytime soon
Because I would just borrow it all of the time 
You have approached a subject that is a never-ended battle in my brain. My kids (well two of them) are old enough for all of this. We discuss and deal with this on a daily basis. Just this summer I agreed to let my son (13) have a FB account and cell phone (not an iphone – however ipod touches have nearly all the same features other than the phone- which many kids also have). Now my 11 year old is eager for a cell phone. Not happening yet. However, even though I did agree with my son I still hesitate with my decision sometimes. It is one of those things that I would rather not have to think about and would rather just say ‘no’, however it is there. It is part of our life. It is part of our new world. Even though I enjoy all of these things myself, I often times wish they were not here. I would rather my kids grow up without it all. But it is, and it is part of the revolving world, and basically we can’t hide or deny it and must deal with it as best we can as parents. I try to think that instead of fighting it, learn it and teach it…teach our kids the appropriate way to use our new world and what it has to offer.
My daughter is nine and wants a facebook account and i told her if i have to lie about her age to get her one then no she will not get one till im comfortable with her having one. She also wants a cell phone and i told here we will visit that subject when she turns ten cause right now she doesnt go anywhere without me and she doesnt call friends that often so why does she need one.
i think 13 is a good round about age. but i still think parents should supervise. at this point, I only think kids should have a cell phone when they go out and about… not their OWN PERSONAL PRIVATE phone. just my opinion. and defintely not an iPhone where they get internet access and facebook.
This is such a loaded topic and a really important one. We run a very strict household as far as access to the consumer-driven media goes. I recently wrote a post about this as it relates to younger children (mine are 6 & 8). http://sugarbowlmix.blogspot.com/2010/09/they-werent-real-jonas-brothers-daddy.html
I feel that kids should be kids and should be playing outside, playing with non-electronic toys, riding their bikes, reading, playing old-fashioned board games for as long as possible. My children will not be allowed on Facebook until they are 14. ANd they will not have cell phones until they are out and about on their own, as in driving by themselves. Too bad if they’re friends all have cell phones. I don’t want my kids to give in to the pressure of peers so I must set an example for them and not give in to the pressure of my peers.
Wow! I’m with you, I’m glad I’m not there yet. For some reason in my mind, I keep thinking 16 years old but I don’t know why. That’s arbitrary and just a number that pops in my mind for being the right age.
I’m sure by the time I get there, things will have changed drastically and I will have to re-evaluate. But, my gut tells me that anything younger than high school should be out of the question.
My daughter is 10 and just started middle school. After school day #3 she asked for a facebook account. I said No. We would re-evaluate when she got to HighSchool. I explained it had nothing to do with her, but everything to do with everyone else on Facebook. Kids are cruel and FaceBook has become a fertile stomping grounds for Bullies (they don’t even have to be face to face with someone to bully them). For a girl it can also be a place where all sorts of awful rumors to be spread. I know that just becuase she doesn’t have an account doesn’t mean that bullying can’t happen to her, but at least I have protected her in one way.
She does have a phone- just basic. And she does text. I explained that her dad and I would be periodically checking her texts again for her own protection. So far she seems good with those restrictions, but I am sure there will be battles ahead.
As far as the peer pressure of other parents – honestly it doesn’t bother me. Maybe the older my children get the less I worry about it. I have to do what is right for my children and my family – whether anyone else gets it. I just can’t worry about them.
Thanks for the interesting question!
I think for bloggers and adults to keep in touch with family Facebook is great! I think it is a good outlet for older kids IF they are supervised! I do know one 16 year old whose father is not paying enough attention. She has her high school, location AND cell phone number on her public FB page! THAT is scary to me.
We’ve been discussing this same thing at home. I just found out that our nephew, who is 7!, has his own Facebook account. I think that is inappropriate. I think that once they are teenagers, that is fine, but before is too early. Children that young do not understand what is appropriate to share and not to share (although even teenagers and adults have that same problem.)
As far as FB maybe 16 or even college. The phone is a big issue at our house our daughter(11) has tons of friends with phones and I just don’t think it’s necessary. We have told her that she won’t get one until she is driving and responsible enough to handle her portion of the monthly bill (which on a share line is 9.99 plus taxes). It would only be earlier if she were to get a job (babysitting) or be out of pocket for sporting events. So, basically an emergency only sort of thing. She would definitely not be getting one before high school.
I personally don’t think kids need cell phones until they are driving. That way, if they need help, they can call for it. Facebook? Hmmm…how about never?