I was recently thinking about a post I co-wrote a few months ago. Basically, the question was asked whether we are women or mothers first – and reflecting back on that initial question it got me thinking for a moment more about this blog.
Almost every single published post at Theta Mom has been in some way related to motherhood. Big surprise, huh? I know, quite a shock considering the title of this blog is called Theta MOM and motherhood actually is an integral part and focus of the overall mission {which, for the record, I am damn proud of}… but, sometimes I feel as though I am cutting myself too short. Not every post has to be about motherhood because there is more to me as a woman than just motherhood itself and THAT is part of redefining the role of motherhood, isn’t it?
I am more than a mother; I am a complete person and before I gave birth to two beautiful children, I was a vibrant woman.
I still am a vibrant woman.
I am also a wife, daughter, sister, teacher, friend, and the list goes on…
I still have my own dreams, wants, needs and goals without the word “mother” attached to them. I can still remember that little girl who dreamt about walking down the aisle to marry the boy of her dreams. Part of me has recollections of that teenager who experienced her very first date. Deep inside, I still remember that young, beautiful woman about to enter college and the same woman who began an amazing professional career.
That woman is still me and there are times I need to remind myself of her.
Between diaper changes, making lunches, doing the laundry and moving through the daily grind of motherhood, I need to awaken the notion that I am a whole woman with dreams of my own in addition to being a good mother.
I am more than a mother; I am a complete woman who happens to live a blessed life raising two beautiful children but that doesn’t have to mean that my own wants and needs as a woman have to end. It just means that life is more interesting as I navigate my way through this journey called motherhood.
Maybe it’s about time I began writing and reminding the world (as well as myself) that I am a woman and a mother – because sometimes, my life is far more complex and interesting than just another nightly serving of mac and cheese.
I get this. I so get this. Every once in a while, I look back over a weeks worth of tweets or a month of blog posts and realize how much of them are about my kid. And, I get why that happens… the people I interact with are mothers, my kid is more interesting than my work, etc, but I always catch myself thinking, “that’s not all that my life is made up of”.
It’s hard, I guess, to know how much of the other stuff to share with the rest of the world. My ups and downs at work – only very carefully and vaguely; my thoughts about going to grad school – maybe; my fight with my husband – probably not; my upcoming phone interview next week – not likely; the new shoes I bought – sure, but I bought them for C’s birthday party, so there we go again.
Long comment to say to say that I get this.
Kritsa,
I was thinking this, too but then I realized part of that IS still WHO we are as women and mothers – this one role can’t define who we are as a person, right?
@thetamom
True that – Being a Mother is just one of the facets of being a woman. Having said that, i believe it is an universal thought that Motherhood makes a woman complete. I do not subscribe to it nor do i oppose, but I guess Motherhood does become a dominant aspect of being a woman.
And as I was telling @mommyperks, Women may go wrong as a wife, even as a daughter, but rarely as a Mom.
Moms rule!
~K
Bravo! So many of us loose ourselves in our efforts to be the best mother’s possible for our kids. But let’s not forget that our example is imprinting on our children, formulating an image for them of how they must conduct themselves when they grow up in order to be successful parents. Is that what we want for them? Do we want them to grow up and put themselves last on the list of priorities because they believe that is the only way to parent well? No, I didn’t think so.
I look forward to hearing more about you… the whole you. And I know that your children will benefit from it as well.
SMILE On!
ML
Miss Lori,
I can’t thank you enough for this comment! What really resonated with me was when you said, “But let’s not forget that our example is imprinting on our children, formulating an image for them of how they must conduct themselves when they grow up in order to be successful parents.” And THAT is what I want for my kids and the essence of this entire post. Thanks so much for sharing and reaffirming what I already knew!
Isn’t it weird how our entire identities change in a split-second upon giving birth? We forget that we were our own person before we became a mother. So much revolves around our children and we forget to pursue our dreams and ambitions like we did before. I’m guilty of giving up on dreams to be a mother. And I don’t regret it for a single minute. I just need to find new dreams that include my family. Priorities have shifted. My personality has changed. But, I am still more than a mother.
It’s been in that past 9 months or so that I reached a point where I said, “I need to start doing things for ME.” It makes me feel better to put some focus on myself for a change AND I truly believe it makes me a better wife and mother.
It is so, so easy to get caught up in motherhood and our definition of ourselves as mothers. So easy. It seems that once the little ones enter our lives, our needs are shelved, temporarily for some, permanently for others. And once those parts of ourselves are put away, it seems really, really hard to find them again. Like we put them away “some place safe” and then forgot what that place was.
thanks for this post today!
And I think it’s about time we found them again!!
HUZZAH!!
Love this post. I struggle with this issue- I don’t want to be defined by my children. They’re part of me, but not the only part- and I don’t want to feel guilty about it!
Very nice post. Stumbling it 😉
Huzzah is right!! Thanks for your comment mama.
xo
I think this happens to all of us. In my daughter’s first year I was immersed in motherhood, and totally lost my sense of self. I gave up my career to stay home full time with her. And the results were not pretty. I felt resentful, but then guilty about that. I fought with my husband a lot. Finally I realized I needed to do something just for me. I needed to get back in touch with my creative self. So I started writing again. And it made all the difference.
Motherhood still has to come first, and I struggle to find time to devote to my writing. But I cherish whatever time I do find. My blog is about both motherhood and writing, and how to find balance between your responsibilities to your child(ren) and to yourself. I have had several other moms guest post on this topic. Would love it if you would consider doing so! Let me know if you’d be interested…
Seems if we don’t blend all the parts we are we lose ourselves and then something is missing. All the parts lose out. Hope that makes sense
It’s so easy to lose your identity as something other than a mother when you become a mom. Those little people occupy such a big part of our lives (and our hearts), it seems that everything we do is for them.
But it’s important to remember that there’s more to us than just that.
Oh Heather, I agree with this whole-heartedly. In fact I wrote a post a few weeks back called Being Mommy is -Part- of who I am http://justanothermomof2.com/being-mommy-is-part-of-who-i-am. I understand how easy it is for us as moms to start to focus on that aspect; it’s hard to remember ourselves as women. But I also think it’s our responsibility to focus on us sometimes too- and I think that makes us better moms, and better women. Love it!!
Yes, I lost myself the first 2 months after Sam was born. But then I started to do one thing for myself, workout. I take up to an hour and a half just to make myself feel good and improve my body. This reminds me of myself and the person that I was before I was a Mom.
Well said! Great post to begin my week!
It seems like once we give birth, we are totally consumed by motherhood. Now that my kids are in school I realize I have become so and so’s Mom. That was my wake up call. There is so much more to us than just a mom.
Great post! It is so important that we remember we have many more titles than “mom,” although that one may be the most important of all.
LOVE this post. I have been struggling with the same feelings now that all of my kids are in school full days. I feel like I have been lost, and now I am trying to find myself again.
You said it, lady! I think knowing who you are other than only being a Mom helps shape your kids a in a really positive way.
Absolutely! That’s part of the reason I run and write about running. Since I’ve taken a step away from my professional career for now, it’s the one thing that is all MINE and all about ME.
Thank you so much for this post! I have struggled with this lately. I love my son, don’t get me wrong, but I am not JUST his mother. I was me before him and I definitely need to remind myself of that and take time out for myself from time to time. I’m so glad that I had a chance to read this post and this was definitely my wake up call too!
This is such a fabulous post. I have been working hard on reminding myself that I am more than just “Mommy”. I have been fitting in workouts 3-4 x week so I have time for ME!!!!
I love this post. It is so important for us to remember that we are ourselves, first and foremost and that we are our children’s first teacher and best model. We have to look after ourselves so that we can look after everyone else. When I was fourteen my mother went back to work. It was really hard for me but I admired her so much for creating a new career for herself after being home for twenty years. She carved out a niche career and is still very successful at the age of 78! It’s also important to note that blogging is a way of taking care of ourselves. It gives us a creative outlet, a community, connections.
Great post!
It’s also the reason why I love blogging so much! It is something that is solely me–something I can accomplish that I can be proud of! I’m planning on going to BlogHer 11 next year. It will be the first time I’m away from my daughter for the night. She’s already 6.5 years old! I think I deserve to do things that are just for me. I need to dig up the part of me that isn’t a mom!
I have a post scheduled for later in the week about how we lose our identity as a mom! We need to remind ourselves to take a step away from that role once in a while and nurture our non-mom sides as well.
ABSOLUTELY!!! Mother is not all who you are. It is something that is so hard to learn or re-learn after you have a baby, but then a couple years later, you start to want to…find yourself again. Beautiful post!
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your so true, not only are we mothers but we are women. Women that have hopes and dreams beyond motherhood. Women with fears and wants that surpase the normal everyday motherhood ones. Maybe we should all take time out of our lives to remeber who we were before we became mothers. I know that recently i posted a post about not being me anymore, about being a domesticated me and how odd it is that i am this new me without any glimpse of hte old me. I really think we need to get back to our selfs as women.
I totally get it. And, I think that there are times that we need to be a mother first and then there are times that we get to be a woman first. The key is to always remember the woman we are and the woman we want to become because although we will always be mothers the day will quickly arrive that our children will have their own lives and we will need to have ours.
Oh my gosh. I ADORE this post. Thank you! So often I forget that I am MORE than a mom.
That’s one of the most interesting aspects of parenting I’ve found since having my now 14 month old. My identity has become so wrapped up in being a mom, both to myself and to those around me. My husband has not experienced that. He feels being a dad makes him more complete as an individual, but doesn’t dominate.
Now, I truly believe that all the things that make me an interesting, vibrant woman also make me a better mom. Being a mom makes me a better person and wife.
It is so hard sometimes to buff that non-mom layer that we still are. I have to remind myself many times to take off all those hats and just be me every now and then.
Such a great reminder. My husband and I just got back from our first weekend away from our little guy, and while there were moments of separation anxiety, it was nice to just be me again — not Mom me — and have quality time with my partner. And lounging time — oh, how lovely that was!
Thanks for this post!
I think it’s so important to retain your sense of self after having kids. When you become a mom you don’t stop being an individual, a friend, wife and all those other things. You just add Mom to the list of hats you wear.
It’s interesting, when I started my blog I specifically chose a blog title that did not have “Mom” in it because I knew I wanted to write about all of the different aspects of my life. I’m glad I went that route.
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Great post! It is easy for busy moms to have blurred vision regarding their roles as a vibrant woman. It is a very dangerous place to be too because as the kidlets grow up and become more independent, we are left wondering who we are without them. Bravo for starting early to embrace the wonderful woman side of you!
This was a very good post. I totally agree.
Theta being a mom is who we are but being a woman is who we were born to be. As women we have so much power. We are a vital part of this world. We Nurture the young and love our men and keep the world in order.
Motherhood has really affected my writing (and life) in a very positive way, so I do feel like I am more inclined to write from my Mama point of view. I think I’m going to try to switch it up, though, remember the parts of myself that were there even before Baby was! Great post!
As you promised, this post is amazing. I know what you mean about getting lost in motherhood and forgetting that there is more to you than just being a mom. It’s so important to remember who we are outside of motherhood. Otherwise we will be lost when the kids grow up and go to school.
Wow! It is so incredible that you wrote this today. I was just thinking that all my posts were about my children. My deeper more self reflective self wonders if that is my shield. It is much easier to write about my mommy struggles or the interesting things they do. I know there is women who will sympathize, laugh, and relate. Will people relate though if I write about my un mommy self? Interesting post.
This is a great post. Some days I feel like all I do is cart kids around and do housework, but this post made me remember, there is so much more.
Wonderful post, I think that we all should be reminded of this
Hi Theta mom,
I am not a Mom though I know how important motherhood is. I can understand the beautiful relationship that lies between a mother and her child. And of course being a woman is absolutely to be proud of. I just went through your blog and I was surprised and glad to know you have wrote something about a woman accomplishing all duties. More or less your thoughts and views resonate with my recent post.
Thanks.
Sangita
I remember having bitty kids and not being able to get my head above water long enough to see myself as anything other than mom. When they are little, that is so hard. Now my kiddos are 9 and 14, and I’m still here. They still need me, but less and less and for less consuming things (proud to say they wipe their own bottoms now!). I just want to agree wholeheartedly with your post…especially from this end of it all. I clearly remember finally having time to do something that was very “me”, something that put me back in touch with what I love and what I’m good at–and I thought to myself–I’m still here. This person who was consumed with motherhood is still in here…and I was relieved to see her emerge again.
We have to completely embrace motherhood while not allowing it to be our sole identity–cause if that is who we are, who are we when they don’t need us all the time anymore? What about when they leave the nest? We need to feel permission to nurture the part of us that isn’t solely mom…so when that time comes…we can know we have purpose and worth and something to offer the world.
You’re absolutely right. It’s hard, at times, not to loose sight of ourselves as we walk along on this journey. At least, it’s hard for me.
I don’t know if we’re women first or mother’s first. Personally, I feel once you become a mother, it’s all the same. One of the beautiful things about being a woman is our ability to completely be everything at once. For me, in my life, being a mother and being a woman have become one and the same thing. Motherhood isn’t separate from who I am anymore. I’m a goddess of sorts because I’m learning to embrace this fact. I don’t think it’s so much that we switch hats. I think women absorb more than change their hats, if that makes sense.
Ok, I’m rambling, lol. I guess that what I’m saying is that it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, wife and mother are part of my identity, now. When I refer to myself as a woman, it’s all-inclusive: lover, friend, mother, sister- all of it.
I always say that being a mother is the best part of my life, but I have always known that it is not the only part of my life. That’s why I exercise, write, read, and continue to have goals.
I love that you wrote this post. I second that “bravo”.
Amen Heather! Being a mom is only one of the roles that brings me fulfillment and joy. I think it’s sometimes hard to remember with all the diapers and mac n cheese but so important!
I remember hearing somewhere that the main way my son will know what a whole woman looks like is to model it for him. After all, I want him to find one to marry when he grows up. That means I have be balanced in my life. I am still working on it.
I really loved this post
It is hard to remember we are more than just mothers! Thank you for this reminder.
We are all definitely much more than just mom. Even though my kids are my main focus right now, I can’t have them be my only focus. Can’t lose myself in mommy or where will I be later? I want my kids to see their mom as someone who does other things and has other interests. And I want my husband to see me as more than just the mom of his kids.
You are absolutely a mom AND a woman, with her own interests! I feel guilty sometimes because my blog doesn’t always talk about my children! But yes, it is very important to remember to take care of yourself, so that you can be a better mom to your children!
Fantastic post (I feel like I say that often when I post here!) It’s a tough balancing act, and I feel it even more acutely now that I am not working outside of the home. If I mention that my wardrobe needs some updating since I basically bought work clothes for so long, I get comments about how SAHMs only need yoga pants and Keens. If I mention that I’m tired because Dylan was up all night, I get comments about how sometimes moms just don’t have time to train for half marathons (something I’m doing right now.) My kids are my life but not my whole life, if that makes sense. What kind of an example am I to my children if I am an empty shell waiting for them to fill me? That’s not what I want them to see when they grow up!