I yelled at her.
Over a spilled cup of juice.
I barked at him for not listening. It was one of those days…
After I put the kids to bed upon a very exhausting day, I was up late mopping the sticky kitchen floor because of the spilled juice from earlier and suddenly, I felt even more annoyed. The last thing I wanted to do so late at night was mop the floor and there I was, mopping the floor.
Tired. Cranky. Done.
You know the kind of day I am describing – when you just wish the long day would come to an end already. The kind of day that screams, “You need some time to yourself for your own sanity.” But as tired as I was at that point, getting into bed actually didn’t sound appealing. I needed some time alone.
So instead of writing, tweeting or watching some senseless reality television, I stumbled upon a random episode of Mystery Diagnosis. I instantly became engrossed in a particular documentary and hung on every word of this compelling story. It was about an 11 month-old baby who was having very strange symptoms happen all at once and soon this baby and her symptoms became a mystery to doctors; they didn’t have a concrete diagnosis. The situation went from bad to worse and ultimately, this baby was fighting for her life.
The images I saw in that video were horrifying.
And as hard as it was to watch, I continued, staring at the screen in sheer agony and listening to this mother speak about the distress of such a dramatic and terrifying situation. My heart was breaking for this woman and her baby. I couldn’t even imagine the pain this mother endured as she watched her little innocent baby slowly taken over by this horrible, horrible illness. It turns out it was an attack on her immune system and doctors still aren’t completely sure why it happened.
When the documentary ended I was motionless – almost breathless.
I couldn’t get those images of that baby out of my head.
I looked down at my clean kitchen floor and saw the lonely mop standing in the corner and I thought of the events that occurred earlier in my home. I felt so guilty for yelling at my daughter over some spilled juice and being so short with my son. In the midst of my own crankiness, some desperate woman was holding the hand of her 11 month-old baby who was fighting for her life in a hospital bed hoping that her baby would make it through the night and *I* was the mother screaming at her kid over a sippy cup.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that mother…
I couldn’t stop thinking about that baby…
I wanted to run upstairs, wake my kids up and tell them how sorry I was for being so snappy earlier. I wanted to tell them how much I love them and that they are my entire universe. I wanted to hold them and explain that they mean everything to me – and that I am not perfect. I wanted them to know that tomorrow is another day and mommy gets another opportunity to make this thing right…
We are all hard working moms with our own crosses to bear in life and we all deal with different issues. But when you read or hear about another family and the heartache they experience with the unstable and unpredictable health of their child, as well as dealing with the fear of potentially losing that child, well, that’s just something I cannot.even. imagine.
Yes, I managed to live out another parent fail – but one that certainly put things in perspective for me.
When we’re tired it can be difficult to put things into perspective. We have a friend who lost her toddler to cancer and when I get frustrated, I count my lucky stars that although I may have a screaming child laying on the floor in the middle of Target, at least she’s HERE. And she’s amazing.
Exactly what I mean about this post – even when they drive us crazy, there are HERE!!
Isn’t this the truth!! We also have friends who lost a 2 year old to cancer. And when I am having one of those days, it really puts things in perspective for me. Yes, she is going through her terrible twos, but like you said, she is here, and healthy, and that’s all that matters!
This was a great post and response!
Aww! How universally true is this? i am amazed by the ‘realness’ in your posts, utterly believable.
I know parents have their cranky moments, esp. Moms- who work whole day and more so someone like you who has a crackerjack of a blog to maintain added to the parental duties.
Some jobs are so inane, or rather boring. Mopping is one such thing or clearing broken pieces of glasses.
I am sure its just one of those days. Moms can make up too. Sometimes Parents realize their follies but let time be the healer.
Sometimes its just great to go upto the kid and say Mom is sorry. Mom shall get you a Baked alaska:)
Kids are easy to ‘make-up’, they are easy to please. Spouses are tougher.
Go thetamom, go, and tell me what how ur kiddo felt after a warm hug and sinful indulgence of a delicious dessert
Cheers
K
I feel like I have those days far too often. But, my kids are always so forgiving…it almost makes it that much worse. Every time I think of how quickly and unexpectedly they could be taken from me, it’s paralyzing. I can only hope and pray that God sees fit to keep them here and for me to experience all that parenthood has to offer.
You know Heather, I actually really like these post called “Epic Parent Fails”. because..well it comforts me that “ok, it’s NOT just me”. I recently had the chance to talk to a mom of 5 grown kids. Her words of wisdom where ” I know – for sure – that even when I thought I was screwing up as a mom, I really wasn’t. It’s heartwarming to hear my adult children say that I was right..”. It told me that there will always be bad days, but the bad days don’t dictate our success are parents. We just need to learn, grow, move on, and love them a little bit harder the following day. Good post ,my friend!!
Without a doubt Frantic Mommy, it is NEVER just you. And I love these posts, too because it not only puts things in perspective for me, but they are lessons I learn form as a parent, and try to do ‘better’ the next time.
Hate it when we get ‘those’ sorts of reality checks! Isn’t it great to know that you went to bed knowing that in the morning you had a bright shiny new day to embrace, that you would be hugging your little one’s in the morning … they have long forgotten your crankiness of before. Have a wonderful day with them, have a fab week and thank you for your post … Because we have all been there, but you reminded me to be grateful and to be extra nice this morning …. and think I am going to go and wake them up now and make pancakes!
Love ya Heather 
Awww, thanks mama! Love when a reader loves a post!!
I had a revelation just like this earlier this year. Even on our hardest, most frustrating days there are still people who would prefer to be in our shoes, and that right there is exactly why I do everything in my power to thank my lucky stars for my little boy every single day.
Exactly right – this is sure a reminder of putting things in perspective, isn’t it??
Oh I can totally relate. I was having a few of those days last week…where I yelled more than I wanted to. After going to bed, I felt like an awful mother and was so upset I let my temper get the best of me. I often think about other mothers going through life threatening situations with their children {which of course makes me feel so awful and guilty}….it does help snap me back into reality at times and I am so thankful to have two healthy {and crazy} little boys!
I think that we all definitely have those moments! I actually yelled at my son this morning because I was on the phone and he was interrupting me. I know he just wanted my attention, but I lost my cool. I did apologize but feel terrible about it. Sometimes I forget that he is only 4 and that I need to be more patient with him!!
We all have those days when we over react and yell at our loved ones. It’s such a struggle when you’re in that moment to take a step back and realize that we should be so grateful that our loved ones are here. I do things like this all the time because life can get stressful and I always feel guilty after. The good news is that kids are especially forgiving!
Thank goodness, they ARE especially forgiving!
Oh man….moments like these seem to hit me on a regular basis. And by regular, I mean…as soon as I get grouchy and petty…WHAM!
Thanks for being honest. Hope you have a wonderful/ spill free (yeah right!) week with your kiddos!
I hear ya! Sometimes I think there is a reason we ended up watching that particular TV show or heard that particular story that put everything in perspective for us. I’ve been there too. Loved this reading this post because it shows that we’ve all been there at some point… even when we have nothing to get upset over in the grand scheme of things.
I think that’s why I love THESE posts so much – I know all moms can relate to them. 😉
I have so been there so many times. I have had a very short fuse lately when it comes to my kids so I have been the not so nice mom lately, but then something like this jars me back into reality and then I feel horrible for yelling at my kids.
Yes Jayme, and this time for me, it was that MD show…
Don’t be hard on yourself…. there will always be people with very difficult struggles, and we all just do our best. You didn’t fail… because you realized it was just spilled juice. Failure would have been you continuing to yell and scream and never forgive your child for a simple accident.
All we can do it tell our children we aren’t perfect. We all mess up. We all have accidents. And we just continue to love each other in a family.
Sugar Mama,
Thanks so much for your comment – you’re right, total failure would have been not to recognize the mistake – and I certainly learned from this experience.
so true!! i think we all do that.
i’ve been listening to an old sermon from a pastor who is talking about “raising kids in a broken world”… it’s awesome!!
reminds me of things i’m doing wrong but how I have the Bible and Jesus to show me the right thing. it’s really opened me up to how I’m doing on a daily basis. my kids were making a mess the other day with play-doh and before i yelled (like i normally do), i take a deep breath and ask myself “what kind of example am i setting?” if my kids always see me yelling, they are going to think it’s ok.
i’m currently trying to teach my (young) kids to communicate with words, not yelling or crying, but to be kind.
I thought about that, too Julia – what kind of example do I set when I freak out about spilled juice? But that’s when the stress or tolerance level has been reached…
It’s always shocking, but definitely grounding when things get put in perspective. There’s something to be said, though, for not getting too wrapped up in comparing our lives to those around us. What constitutes a bad day in need of some sunshine in my world will not be the same for many other people. For others, it will be far better and for others still it will be far worse. And none of those other situations negates my own, nor are they reasons for me to feel guilty about my own. But, other people’s experiences can certainly be used to put things in perspective – and that’s when it’s useful because that’s when learning and growing occurs.
Thank you for this post.
Liza,
That’s exactly what that MD show did for me – put things in perspective. It’s moments like these I believe happen for a reason to remind us not to sweat the small stuff!
I have to commend your courage for sitting through the entire show. I think sometimes I survive parenting solely because I try to close myself off to all the heartache, pain and suffering out there because if I try to take it all in, I will be consumed with sadness, anger and guilt. I don’t want to plead ignorance on every occasion and I am not naive to think that this world is a happy place – I’m all too keen of its dark nooks and crannies.
Despite not knowing every story out there, I still ache for everyone who has to experience the tragedy of loss and of watching their loved one, especially an innocent baby, suffer so much. Like you, I can’t even imagine what that feels like.
I too have these days and then you go read a blog post about someone who is suffering or their kids are and that completely snaps me back to reality! I try hard but maybe I could try harder! Great post Heather!
Oh, we have all been there- I recently wrote about a similar situation myself. It’s awful, that feeling of guilt after the fact. Those shows make it ten times worse- if I get sucked into one, I end up imagining a similar situation happening and tear up (my husband is not a fan of me watching these shows!). It’s so easy to get mad about the little things, then feel guilty over the major things- but we’re all human after all. I completely relate1
This post really got to me. There are days when I’m just a little short on patience and when I fail to keep my cool, I feel so horrible afterwards. Recently, one of my best girlfriends miscarried and I just felt her pain and her grief wash over me. It also made me that much more thankful for my daughter and my husband. Sometimes, we just don’t know what we have until we unfortunately, lose them – or see other people suffering and losing. Thanks for posting this.
I think it’s safe to say that as moms most of have have been there… in the land of screaming over spilled milk. I think that fact alone makes us human, i.e. not perfect. I have apologized to my children on many occassions as I think it’s important to show them that I too make mistakes. Once in a while I remind myself to put things in perspective and move on, it’s not always an easy task but good for you for realizing what’s really important. And thanks for sharing it with us!
Oh gosh, I hate those mom fail moments. I have had them too and then end up feeling horribly guilty! It all depends on my mood. The first time my son knocked over a box of cheerios all over the floor I was upset. I was tired that morning and didn’t want to deal with it.
The second time he threw cheerios on the floor I laughed hysterically with him. I had gotten enough sleep that night. And I realized that hey, it’s only cheerios. It’s not the end of the world.
Last night the kids were up late and I was absolutely done. I was furious because I had handed them items after shopping and one of those items was their toothpaste and had asked them to put it up in their bathroom. Well, I’m already frustrated because they’re up late and I’m up in the bathroom getting ready to have them brush their teeth and the toothpaste is NOWHERE. We searched everywhere… and neither of them had a clue. I was yelling, I was crying, I actually walked away with both of my kids crying and made my husband deal with them and went to bed.
Today I feel like the world’s worst mom. And of course I’m at work and they’re at home and I’m praying they don’t remember what a brat their mom was last night…. over flipping toothpaste! When just a little over a year ago I was praying to God that my daughter would live…. little things like this never mattered back then, because THE FACT THAT MY DAUGHTER WAS ALIVE WAS ALL THAT MATTERED.
I need to not beat myself up so much. I need to remember that I’m not perfect. I need to remember that kids have the most amazing, forgiving hearts out there and the peanut butter chocolate cookies that we’re going to make together tonight is going to make it all better.
I feel like crap. And I completely know exactly what you’re talking about in this post, because I’ve been the mom praying for her daughter to make it through the night {she overdosed on her heart medication} and I swore when I left that hospital I would never care about the small things anymore. I wouldn’t fret about the spilled milk, or the little things that don’t matter.
Last night I found myself doing exactly what I vowed never to do. I have to remind myself I’m human…. and so do you.
Sorry I just went off into a novel… it’s just your post seriously hit home with me today.
I know these days perfectly well!
Isn’t it just that way that the things that send us over the edge are so seldom things of importance?
And however horrifying the MD’s mom’s plight was, what a blessing that her story could help you see the blessings for what they are.
Aww Heather I think that is more of a parent real than a parent fail. You love your kids and you were tired and frustrated as every parent – even those with sick kids – gets. It is tough to feel the guilt when you watch something so sad and terrifying but as parents we need to let some of the guilt go and know that we all make mistakes, we all get frustrated, we all sometimes wish for time for ourselves. I know how that feels – just know you are doing a great job!
p.s. I have seen that too and I pray for those families. It would be SO hard to not know what was wrong with your baby!
i’m not one who cries often or at movies, but i really can’t stay strong hearing about, reading or watching stories like that!
You are allowed to feel that way sometimes. It is ok. You’ll rest up and be back at it the next day with a fresh perspective and hugs for your little ones.
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
We’ve all been there… there’ve been times where here I’ve yelled or screamed, and I ended up feeling awful about it afterward. It’s times like this that make me wonder who the real 4 year old in our house is.
Like anything else, though, if we don’t make mistakes, how else to we improve? Or really appreciate the times we really get it “right?”
Ah, I totally agree with the commenter above who said she loves the Parent Fail posts because they make her feel better. Who hasn’t lost their cool? I lost mine yesterday after I was wiping ketchup and peanut butter off the floor, table, high chair, and dog for the umpteenth time. I was thinking about work, hubby wasn’t home, and I needed a break. The baby was screaming about the spilled food (even though SHE threw it!) and I wanted to run down the street crying.
We have friends that had their baby 12 weeks early and has already had multiple brain surgeries…their story is my daily reality check, and I am so fortunate that we have a healthy, (usually) happy child. In the end, though, you can’t beat yourself up over losing your cool – if sticky kitchen floors is your worse situation of the day, it still sucks and you’re allowed to be annoyed about it. 😉
It’s all about keeping perspective – we do the best we can.
And if you want to give your kids a break – get a puppy!
Puppies are SO MUCH WORK, I’d kill for a spilt sippy cup .. this am our 8 month old puppy chewed up our teenage babysitter’s flip flops 2 min after she arrived. I had to give ysitter my flip-flops so she could take my daughter to the park!
Hope everyone has a good week, and a great School season.
Oh, it’s always good to be reminded of what we take for granted. But don’t be too hard on yourself ’cause it’s all relative. Someone’s bad day might be someone’s dream day, but in that moment of exhaustion, it’s easy to let our patience slip. I keep telling myself to be more patient because with a 20-month-old it’s not like things will suddenly get easier. Thank you for reminding me to embrace the health and happiness of my family!
Oh I’ve had a couple of those parenting failures too…
Sometimes we just get caught up in ourselves and forget what is really important. Today I was getting stressed because my daughter wouldn’t take a nap (I kept hearing her get up and play with toys) but at least I have her, she is healthy and beautiful…
Thank you for this post!
Ya I felt like that this morning with my 2 month old Sam. She was fussy from gas and I was tired and in a mood of my own. We clashed this morning. :p All was forgiven on both ends by this afternoon and we are in sync yet again.
I have a parent fail at least twice a week and then end up in tears at the end of the day because I feel so guilty. My husband has to remind me that I am not perfect. I cuddle with my LO a bit closer and whisper how sorry I am and how happy I am to have him and a second on the way.
Oh Heather! It’s hard I know, all of it. And when you are tired now only is your fuse shorter, but you lose perspective. Happens to me regularly. But you said it yourself my friend, you are not perfect. You are only human! And believe it or not, your children need to see that you are human too. It’s really okay, and I actually think quite healthy.
Hugs
xo
Watching shows and reading stories like that definitely help to put things into perspective. I’ll try to remember that next time I’m feeling agitated or annoyed.
Deep breath and give yourself a hug. You are only human Heather. BUT, I volunteer with kids with disabilities every week and yes, it certainly helps keep things in perspective when you get outide your own head.
Oh I was having that day yesterday. I couldn’t even blog because Monkey Man did not feel like napping at all. By the end of the day I thought I was gonna go crazy and I did snap. My son growled at me and….I growled at him. It made him jump and immediately I picked him up and just about cried my eyes out. Gotta remember to take a step back and shoot up a quick prayer next time. Just breathe right?
Oh, I have had those days too… far too many like that… when I yell more often than I should over something ridiculously small, like spilled juice or milk or another mess. Instead of being fully engaged with my children when I should be, you know? And then when you see a show like the one you saw, it certainly puts things in perspective. You’re a great mom and we’ve all been there, Heather. Hugs!
You hit the nail on the head with this one. We all do it, and we all usually feel the guilt afterwards. But, I believe that in those moments we define the type of parent we are. And, from that point on, we have the perspective we need for the future. Trust me, after the accident last summer it was very hard to ever discipline Bubs again, but obviously it had to happen eventually. And, when it did? I was overwhelmed with this exact emotion. We’ve all been there. You are not alone.
Thanks for the perspective. I just whined in my post about dealing with bored kids at the end of a long summer. That’s my biggest problem? Really? I think I need to go amend it to talk about how lucky I am.
We all have #fail days. What makes us good moms is that we care that we “failed” and we do our best to do better in the future. No ones perfect, what matters is that we do our best.
I often pray for the Lord to “open my eyes” when I feel esp. tired and frustrated for I know that is when I am most likely to lose it.
Open my eyes to the mistakes of a child or the exuberance of a child — see them for what they are, not willful disobediance. It’s hard. But thankfully, the passage of time does bring wisdom and a bit more patience, so my blow-ups fewer and farther between. But they still do come…ugh!
I think we all have moments like that and probably more often than we’d all like to admit. I swear I do something like that once a day! And we always look back and regret things we said or did. We’re human. We make mistakes. But we can admit it and try harder next time.
It’s hard being a mom!
Epic parent fail? not even close. Snapping and/or yelling at your kids on a bad day is not an epic parent fail. we all have bad days and kids included. I get what you are saying about the thought about losing a child is devastating and puts it in perspective BUT you cannot put yourself in a place where a bad day is considered monumental. That is what epic parent fail means to me. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. We are all moms here and do our very best. Sometimes we lose our cool. AND THAT’S OKAY.
I hear you, girl. My younger brother is developmentally disabled and has severe autism (he’s 25), and every time I get pissed at my boys for talking back and running like hyenas through the house, I think “Well, at least they can.”
THAT SAID, I still get the urge to get my tubes tied weekly.
Thanks for sharing this story and it sure sounds heartbreaking. I know, we have all been there so don’t beat yourself up over it too much. But, I definitely know the feeling…watching the clock, when are they going to bed, I need some alone time and then feeling guilty for it. Being on duty 24/7 can be tiresome on anyone and yet when we hear these heartbreaking stories, it really does put it all in perspective. We are blessed. Even in the midst of all the chaos
Oh I’ve done that…ugh.
Oh, I have so been there, done that. And there’s nothing like witnessing a little shocking tragedy to put it all in perspective. Don’t worry. You’ll be a better mommy for your little mis-step.
OMG- I know the exact feeling you are talking about. Just reading your post makes tears well up in my eyes for all those moms out there just hoping to take their kids home and have a stressful day. You did not have a fail by any means. I think unless you have personally gone through that kind of pain or know someone close who has, it’s hard to put a bad day into that kind of perspective. It happens to the best of us, and then we go to bed, wake up and start over again, hopefully with a little bit more patience and perspective the next day.
Sadly, I too, have moments where I yell at the kids for random things. I usually feel guilty afterwards. Although I truly try to keep calm and cool, sometimes the only thing they will respond to his Angry Mama. I can only say the same thing over so many times before I crack. We are all only human with limitations. As long as the kids know all of this come from a place of love, I can live with it.