If I were to return to school and earn my PhD, I would write my dissertation surrounding the concept of birth order because I am pretty confident I have mastered birth order parenting.
How do I know?
Let me share some relevant experiences perhaps suggested and supported by clear and concise evidence upon each of the following:
First Born: When my son fell and scraped his knee I ran to the medicine cabinet and doused it with peroxide and some rubbing alcohol. I would smother it with Neosporin and bandage him all up. I would give him tons of hugs and kisses and for the rest of the day he could get whatever he wanted because I felt so bad that my poor little baby got a boo boo.
Second Born: Unless her bloody leg is near falling off, I grab a few wipes and clean her up in the midst of telling her to toughen up. I mean it’s only a scrape.
First Born: When my son ate at mealtime I constantly wiped his mouth after every little bite and made sure his hands were always clean. I didn’t want his face to get all messy or his hair and shirt to be full of food.
Second Born: That philosophy immediately went out the window as per Exhibit A:
First Born: When any kind of food hit the floor it was immediately thrown away. Pacifiers were cleaned if they even grazed the ground and in extreme situations some things were discarded if not appearing absolutely in 100% perfect condition.
Second Born: The five second rule goes into play; if you pick it up off the clean floor within five seconds, it is free game. Bon appetit.
First Born: I was a slave to his nap schedule. I would ensure that I ran errands in the morning before his nap or waited until he woke up in the afternoon to get out of the house because the nap always came first.
Second Born: If she misses a nap today, she’ll get one tomorrow. It really isn’t the end of the world if she misses one nap. I have so much crap jammed in my day and that nap sometimes does not make the priority list. She’ll deal with it and so will I.
First Born: When my son wanted to take his socks and shoes off constantly I was the one who tirelessly put them back on his feet again and again. I certainly didn’t want him to have dirty socks or feet.
Second Born: If the girl wants to go barefoot in the winter or wear socks as she runs outside, no problem because I sure the hell don’t have the time or patience to put those things back on again and again. She’ll learn, eventually.
First Born: When we went out shopping and he would get fussy or let out a little cry I would go straight into panic mode and try to figure what he wanted. I would break into a sweat trying to keep him calm because I didn’t want anyone else to hear my screaming kid. I always thought that a screaming child was a reflection of me as a mother – I mean, how dare I have a crying baby in the store? Not my kid, mine is perfect.
Second Born: Did you read this post? Ummm, yeah. The girl is going to cry it out because mommy needs to get some groceries and get on with life. My child will get over it and so will the rest of the world.
So what have we learned from my short dissertation on birth order parenting?
I guess it’s a good thing I’m not having a third.
Awesome post! So, absolutely true and like you my son was first and my daughter second. Umm…she’s a pretty tough girl, my son was pampered:) On the bright side, she can pretty much roll with the punches and is pretty independent. I still find myself doing a lot of things for my 5 year old, that my 2.5 year old already insists on doing herself…oops!
.-= Confessions of a Dr.Mom´s last blog ..The First Symptom of Pregnancy =-.
I’m constantly worried about the birth order of my three children and the effect that has on them. My husband pointed out that my worrying about is in fact what will make them act upon it. But still!
.-= Sugar Mama´s last blog ..My New Look =-.
I come from the camp that I do the best I can with the time I have for both kids and the OCD behavior that once worked with my son just does not seem to “fit into” our life with another child now. I am soooo much more flexible and they seem to adapt just fine.
Testing
I agree, except I think I’m doing it backward. LOL!
.-= Teresha@ Marlie and Me´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- Play Ball! =-.
This is the cutest post ever!
Sadie at heyMamas
.-= Sadie at heyMamas´s last blog ..Which beach =-.
Awww, thanks mama!!
xo
I wish I could be more flexible with the naps, but Mungee doesn’t adapt well. Have you ever seen a baby’s head start spinning around while they’re projecting a pea green substance? Yeah.
.-= Mungee’s Ma´s last blog ..B is for Ball and a bunch of other stuff too =-.
I was such a nap crazed mama, too and I pay for the times she misses that nap but some days I can’t seem to fit it in.
You know what? I am starting to learn this even though I only have one. When he was first born and would drop the pacifier I would go and wash it…now – eh a good rub to the shirt ain’t gonna kill him right? My husband is still going through the rushing to him when he cries thing…God help us with the second.
.-= Imperfect Momma´s last blog ..Monkey Man Escaped!!!! =-.
Yes my friend, you are a birth order parent for sure!! 😉
Hmm… i think i should be worried about number 2 now because I am basically the way you are with your daughter already! Except for the nap. I am definitely a nap nazi!
.-= Grace @ Arms Wide Open´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- Glimpses of Vacation =-.
That is hilarious! After thinking about, I am almost exactly the same way with my boys. With my older son, everything was such an end-of-the-world type of big deal. With the little one, I’ve learned how to deal.
.-= Kristina´s last blog ..When I grow up I want to be… =-.
Kristina,
I totally agree! My second truly taught me the definition of flexibility.
the only thing i really do feel bad about with my second time is that he gets a lot less one-on-one attention from me because there’s just less time in the day. thank goodness he’s fat and has lots of rolls because other people always want to hold him and squeeze his cheeks.
.-= alexis @ depressionsandconfessions´s last blog ..uncut =-.
So true, so true especially with the naps. I was a slave to my oldest daughter’s nap schedule-not so with my youngest. I laughed at the one about socks and shoes to. My youngest just turned one and I don’t think she has ever worn shoes and rarely socks since they don’t stay on I figured why bother. It’s survival mode pure and simple!
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Letting Others Grow is Hard to Do =-.
Awesome post and so very true! Heck I could give #5 a bottle of water and she could survive days in the woods. She’d make friends with all of God’s creatures. #1 on the other screams like a girl if his shoes get wet or he’s at all uncomfortable with the temperature of his room!!
You have mastered birth order parenting, too!! I really think we deserve a PhD in this stuff. 😉
This is a great post! I am sooooo a first time mom! I loathe missing a nap time and I still get so nervous when my baby cries in the grocery store! I definitely pick up the paci (and anything else) from the floor and give it straight back to him though…. and my floor’s not always that clean. Does this mean I’m starting to get ready for baby # 2? *grin*
adriel
Adriel,
I think you are already ready…birth order parenting at its finest!
I was just thinking about this the other day. The 2nd one has it so much easier than #1. Also in our house. Sometimes, it makes me feel sorry for the older one, but oh well, he has managed for 2 years already, so he’ll be fine in the end as well. Though even with him I have eased up a lot over the past 2 years. I remember his first boo-boo…just as you described. Now? Oh well, it won’t be the last one for the day. We’ll wash it tonight in the bath tub.
.-= M For Mommy´s last blog ..Baby Babblings =-.
Exactly!! Somehow, we loosen up as parents and realize that a scrape really isn’t the end of the world – they’ll survive and we will, too.
I guess I’m glad to be the first born!!! haha!!
.-= Adventures in Mommywood´s last blog ..The New Locks =-.
I’m still a slave to nap time. It’s ugly here if it doesn’t happen. My days are one big OCD routine, and it’s not mine. With one kid on the autism spectrum and the other waiting for testing because he’s suspected to be as well, I haven’t really been afforded to opportunity to relax more with my second child. Although to his benefit, our first taught us a LONG time ago not to sweat the small stuff, and to choose our battles.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Summer Projects =-.
Amanda,
What a great point – I agree, my second has actually taught me to not sweat the small stuff, which in turn has shown me the whole birth order parenting process at its best. 😉
My oldest disappears to do school work by herself without being asked and my youngest would happily sail thro the day dancing, drawing and ignoring me
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Cause for Celebration! =-.
I had 3 children in less than 3 and a half years. I didn’t have time to pamper my 2nd and 3rd baby. All of them are so little at the same time that I really spread myself thin. My middle child just turned 2 years old a few months ago and he has middle child syndrome so bad. I try my best to give him equal time, attention, and affection, but with a 7 month old baby behind him it just doesn’t work out that way.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Poop Happens- a Day in the Life of a SAHM =-.
Equal time and attention after baby#1 = tough stuff. We do the best we can, right?
Loved this post!
I was the youngest of 3 growing up. My older siblings always complained that I had it so easy. After having 2 of my own, I totally understand why! It was the birth order parenting in full effect.
.-= The Adventures of Chip and Bobo´s last blog ..Potty training for dummies =-.
Birth order parenting in full effect – yes!!!
Soooo true! My first is very reserved and cautious. My second is a maniac. I’m certain I made them this way 😉
.-= Stephanie @ Figments´s last blog ..Sew Excited =-.
I’m so with you mama!!
I loved this. Made me feel so much less guilty for letting baby cry it out on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa’s last night. I pulled over once and I couldn’t keep doing it because it was dark and scary outside. But once we got home and I took her out of the seat and saw the distress on her little face, I almost started crying myself! But you’re right…life will go on. She’s my first baby (although I have a 4 year old stepson) and I get mommy guilt over the most ridiculous things.
I tried grabbing your button for my new wordpress blog and I think there’s a problem with it! Just thought I would let you know…
This post is a classic.
.-= Enya´s last blog ..It’s Not You It’s Me =-.
Hahahaha! You are so right! My first born was at the doctor every five minutes for something I was sure was life threatening and my little one, well…he just needs to walk it off. Once you have more the one child there just isn’t enough energy. Period.
.-= Your Mommy Friend Lori´s last blog ..Reality Bites- Designer Diapers =-.
Amen! I was so uptight about my first that I don’t think I left the house for the first 4 months because it 1) might mess up her schedule, 2) she might cry, 3) I was insane!
Second time around? Yeah, I’m like “whatever, we’ll all live and the world will keep going”.
.-= A wife loved like the church´s last blog ..Au revoir- or- Good-bye Paris =-.
Hahaha. Sounds just like me… almost.
First was a Girl, second was the boy I wanted SO BADLY, so he got treated just the same as the first born. Though here I am on #3 and she is being treated like baby #2.
However, now that they are older, they are ALL being treated like baby #2… haha
.-= Penny´s last blog ..Flashback Friday or I’m pregnant! =-.
Too funny! But sooo true!! Great post!
.-= Trish´s last blog ..A Work In Progress =-.
I know you got a ton of comments on this but I had to add one more.
Your post is sooo true. I have a 6 yr old son and a 3 yr old daughter. I think my son was 1 before I let him have solid foods. I threw a steak at my girl before she was 6 mths old.
The paci thing. Oh yeah. I sterilized Hunter’s every time he dropped it. If Meg found one under the couch that had crumbs on it that was just an added bonus..she got a little snack too.
The grocery store?? I get stares. Meg gets left behind in a puddle on the floor holding her ankles crying and screaming and people are staring in horror as I walk away. What all those people in the store don’t realize is I had spent 30 minutes telling her to get out from in front of the cart or it would run over her feet.
So yeah, I get it. lol. Great post girl!!
nikki
thehousewifechronicles.net
.-= nikki ´s last blog ..Conversations in the dark- The housewife & the husband VS the dog & the possum =-.
This cracked me up. So true, so true. I was thinking the other day that if we have a third, heaven help that child!
You’d be fine with a 3rd … my sister is wonderfully independent due being the third born!
So true Heather! And I will say that I am lucky if I even remember Violet with 2 before her! Man – if I had a fourth that little one would be in for it!
Being the oldest of seven kids, I think I started off with a ‘second child’ style of parenting!
One of my favourite posts you’ve written. Right on the money. Sometimes I do feel sorry for kid two, like he’s short-changed. But the resilience and independence he gains is priceless.
Strangely I feel if I had a third, since he or she would absolutely be my last, I might revert to some of that mollycoddling of baby one. Last born and all that (I know, I’m a last born…lol!)
Girlfriend, can I ever relate to this! I remember I was so neurotic when my first was born that I would never open the curtains in her nursery because I had read a story about someone abducting a baby after looking in the window and seeing the family had a baby. Poor child didn’t see sun for months! Second child didn’t HAVE curtains on his nursery windows until he was about six months old! ;0)
Brilliant post! Loved reading this, and oh, so true in every way!!! No wonder my second child is also so much chillaxed, independent, and able to do things at a much younger age than his older brother!
A lot of truth to your post~ enjoyed it!
Hi Heather —
It’s been awhile since I’ve visited — school took over my life!
This post is so funny and SO TRUE! Love it.
I’m so excited to see how much your blog has grown and happy that you are doing well! I’m going to join your community too!
Dee 😀
Loved this post! I had to agree with a lot of them!
This is so funny and so true. I do this with my kids too. I was also the firstborn in my family. My sister (the 4th) has lodged many a complaint on this same topic. We won’t even get into the subject of baby pictures. 😉
I was haaving this type of conversation with my 3 young adult daughters, ages 28, 22, and 17. I was talking about how you change how you handle a dropped pacifier with each child.
Child#
1-sterilize and then give back to baby
2-run under water and give back to baby
3-stick in your mouth and wash it off and give back to baby
4-pull off fuzz and give back to baby
We laughed and then my 17 year old (who can be just a LITTLE ditzy) said, “Oh my God! I’m the 4th child!”
Imagine what it’s like for the fourth child! My youngest is going to be tough!