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Theta Mom®

Redefining Motherhood

Birth Order Parenting

If I were to return to school and earn my PhD, I would write my dissertation surrounding the concept of birth order because I am pretty confident I have mastered birth order parenting.

How do I know?

Let me share some relevant experiences perhaps suggested and supported by clear and concise evidence upon each of the following:

First Born: When my son fell and scraped his knee I ran to the medicine cabinet and doused it with peroxide and some rubbing alcohol. I would smother it with Neosporin and bandage him all up. I would give him tons of hugs and kisses and for the rest of the day he could get whatever he wanted because I felt so bad that my poor little baby got a boo boo.

Second Born: Unless her bloody leg is near falling off, I grab a few wipes and clean her up in the midst of telling her to toughen up. I mean it’s only a scrape.

First Born: When my son ate at mealtime I constantly wiped his mouth after every little bite and made sure his hands were always clean. I didn’t want his face to get all messy or his hair and shirt to be full of food.

Second Born: That philosophy immediately went out the window as per Exhibit A:

First Born: When any kind of food hit the floor it was immediately thrown away. Pacifiers were cleaned if they even grazed the ground and in extreme situations some things were discarded if not appearing absolutely in 100% perfect condition.

Second Born: The five second rule goes into play; if you pick it up off the clean floor within five seconds, it is free game. Bon appetit.

First Born: I was a slave to his nap schedule. I would ensure that I ran errands in the morning before his nap or waited until he woke up in the afternoon to get out of the house because the nap always came first.

Second Born: If she misses a nap today, she’ll get one tomorrow. It really isn’t the end of the world if she misses one nap. I have so much crap jammed in my day and that nap sometimes does not make the priority list. She’ll deal with it and so will I.

First Born: When my son wanted to take his socks and shoes off constantly I was the one who tirelessly put them back on his feet again and again. I certainly didn’t want him to have dirty socks or feet.

Second Born: If the girl wants to go barefoot in the winter or wear socks as she runs outside, no problem because I sure the hell don’t have the time or patience to put those things back on again and again. She’ll learn, eventually.

First Born: When we went out shopping and he would get fussy or let out a little cry I would go straight into panic mode and try to figure what he wanted. I would break into a sweat trying to keep him calm because I didn’t want anyone else to hear my screaming kid. I always thought that a screaming child was a reflection of me as a mother – I mean, how dare I have a crying baby in the store? Not my kid, mine is perfect.

Second Born: Did you read this post?  Ummm, yeah. The girl is going to cry it out because mommy needs to get some groceries and get on with life. My child will get over it and so will the rest of the world.

So what have we learned from my short dissertation on birth order parenting?

I guess it’s a good thing I’m not having a third.

Comments

  2. Not only do you deserve a PhD, you deserve a Nobel prize! Brilliant. I went down your list checking off “guilty…yup, that one too…and that one”. I tell most first time moms “just wait until you have another one…”

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  5. Love it!
    First Born: When he napped, we would tip toe around the house like we were Navy Seals on a covert operation.
    Second Born: Huh, oh sure we can vacuum and run the food processor while she’s napping. She won’t care.

    First born: No way, You MUST color co-ordinate your clothes before we leave the house
    Second born: Wear your tutu, crown, and Elmo slippers to the grocery store. Sure. Show the world your individulaism!
    .-= franticmommy´s last blog ..Wardrobe Malfunction =-.

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  6. This is so true! I was just thinking the other day how different I am with boy of my boys. With my first I use to be so anal on what he ate – everything had to be all natural, never gave him soda/candy, etc. Now he is the biggest JUNK food eater {go figure} and a super picky eater. So with my second, I gave him everything and anything he wanted. He is an awesome eater now and actually will pass up cookies, ice-cream etc…funny how that works!

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  7. I’m sitting here laughing and nodding my head as I read this, but not because I’ve experienced this as a Mom (I’m pretty darn sure I’m one and DONE!), but because I AM a second child. Yes, I have middle child syndrome in a bad way, but this was definitely how it was for me growing up. My Mom always tells me how careful, neat and clean she was with my sister, and how I was pretty much a walking scab as a kid.

    I’m trying to not be too obsessive with my own – and I’m actually a LOT more laid back than I thought I’d be, but I can certainly relate to some of your “firsts” – especially being a slave to her nap schedule. We’re working on getting over that now. And … I’d say go ahead and give yourself that PhD – you’ve earned it :)
    .-= Angie@Dear Sydney´s last blog ..I miss it already … =-.

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  8. It would be interesting to see how mothers of twins react to these situations too. Except for the nap thing, I’m right with you b/c I’d HAD to be! I don’t have time to do all of these things…my kids will never know what it feels like to be put first all the time b/c it never happens. Love this post!
    .-= Rebecca´s last blog ..Eat- Pray- Love NAH!!!! =-.

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    • Twins – I never thought about that! I hope someone with twins comments so we can read about their experience!! I would tend to think it would be more like #2. :)

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  15. So true! I was telling my friend the other day about some of the differences. Like, feeding Abbey was a calm, peaceful event. I would settle on the couch with a glass of water, maybe a snack, a book, the remote, whatever. I would let her eat, drift off, eat more, etc. With Dylan, I plop down wherever we are (the other day it was the bathroom, because we were in the middle of a teeth-brushing marathon). If he drifts off or stops eating for a few minutes, he gets plopped down. If he’s still hungry, he’ll let me know, right??

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  16. This is hilarious! My sister is the oldest of five and I’m the baby and we have 3 brothers and 11 years separating us. Our favorite thing to do is compare and contrast when my mom is around. Like how when she started shaving her legs, my mom helped her the first time and had “the talk” with her. With me? She handed me a can of shaving cream and a razor and said “have at it.”

    Because of those differences, I raise my daughter like she isn’t a first born, except I don’t like her clothes getting dirty. Especially in public. And I still do slightly panic at a fever or scrap.
    .-= Pua´s last blog ..Birthday Party Highlights =-.

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  19. Um, I must have gotten the wrong parenting memo because even though I only have one, I’ve been parenting as if she’s my second born. Germy hands? Go rub it on the dog. Food in her hair? Nutrients for later. Crying in public? She’s not my child; anyone know this kid?

    I shudder to think what I have in store for my second, although it’s really what they have in store for us isn’t it?
    .-= Justine´s last blog ..Racing to keep up- On life with two boys Guest Post =-.

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    • Totally me too! I hear ya Justine. HA! I did START out with best intentions. About 6 months in: drop of the paci… ah, it’s okay. Playing in the dirt…sure, why not. Germy kid infested locations?… builds up the immune system.

      I guess that means that baby #2 is doomed!
      .-= Bryna´s last blog ..Week 33 =-.

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  21. I find birth order and personalities to be fascinating! I was the youngest of four and was a bit of a caboose, so my parents let me juggle knives when I was young! My husband was the youngest of four too. I sometimes wonder what effect that will have on us as first time parents…if we both will be fairly laid back parents or if one of us will feel the need to play more of a protective role for our first.
    .-= Ashley´s last blog ..Wine Appreciation- Without Actually Drinking It =-.

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    • I think birth order personality is so interesting, too! I was thinking of doing a serious post backed up with research but thought this was much an easier and fun read. 😉

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  24. TOT-TAL-LY. So amazing how different their childhoods are, isn’t it?? And I’m finding that the 5 second rule has expanded into the 10 second rule…

    Can’t wait to meet you in the less than a month!!!!
    .-= denise´s last blog ..Thank you- Mr Bellows =-.

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  25. Haha well, yeah we only have one baby and are keeping it that way but I totally do all the “first born” stuff.

    Hey I tweeted you but wanted to make sure you saw this. Are you going to BlogHer 2010?? I got the chance to go this year so I would love to meet up for a chat! And I have no clue what to wear!! Would you mind clueing me in? :)
    .-= Mrs. G.I. Joe´s last blog ..If this doesnt make you proud =-.

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  26. I totally went for the third, and it does get even more “relaxed”. Especially when it comes to stuff like a day trip somewhere.

    With my first, I packed EVERYTHING I could think of. 10 kinds of snacks, 2 days worth of diapers and formula, 3 changes of clothes, nail clippers, nose sucker, sanitizing wipes, kitchen sink…

    With my second, I scaled back on the snacks and changes of clothes, lost the nail clippers, occasionally forgot the kitchen sink.

    With my third, 3 diapers-check, 3 bottles-check. Let’s get this the hell over with. If he ruins his outfit, he goes in his diaper or we can use it as an excuse to vacate…bonus.
    .-= Mama’s Got Flair´s last blog ..My Favorite Son =-.

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    • Love this!! I do the same thing. I used to cart around a HUGE diaper bag when my son was a baby and now with my daughter? She’s lucky if I have a spare diaper and a sippy cup in my purse. 😉

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  28. Here’s what happened with our third one (before you read this, please keep in mind that when she was 1, her sister was 3 and brother was 4 and my hubby worked nights after I came home from teaching all day) –
    When my first was the only one – I would panic if he tried to crawl into a kitchen chair or sit in an adult chair at 18 months.
    Second One — Allowed it by this age, still nervous, but assisted and stood close by
    Third one — sitting in the middle of the table (on top) at 11-12 months eating a green magic marker (non-toxic of course — she loved those green markers and I could never seem to find where she kept her secret stash). I would be getting laundry out of the dryer, looked back and she would be there……. then, watching her thinking… “hmm… she is in the middle of the table, not moving or close to the edge, I have a few seconds to dump these on the chair and swap the washer clothes to the dryer… “

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  29. This is great! And probably true for so many parents. I just had my second baby a couple of months ago and I would say that I have relaxed a bit with her. This funny and it brightened my morning.
    .-= Brandy´s last blog ..Simple Organization =-.

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  30. this is SUCH a fun post! I am a little afraid for my future kids because I am pretty laid back with my first. He eats found “treasures” all the time…including handfuls of sand. My friends are amazed and how I can just not sweat a lot of stuff. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because he is a boy and I figure boys are supposed to be rough and tumble. It would be interesting to see if I fall victim to this gender stereotyping were I to have a girl. Hmmm…
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

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  31. Lol awsome! I’m a one and done girl but I’m absolutly sure that if I had a second I would be much more laid back the second time around and would pretty much be following the same MO as yourself.

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  32. Love it…and so true!

    First born…Never left the house w/out being dressed to a T, bleached shoe strings and all…

    Second born…Let run around in a store barefoot wearing a swimsuit…

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  33. I was somewhere in between your first and second with my first. i had nannied three sets of infant twins by then, so I really only knew how to do things for two kids, so having one at a time seemed like a luxury, hehe.

    I remember this when he was 14 months old, “Hey! Did you just shake Comet on your face? Did you eat any? If you die, I’m gonna have to call poison control and I don’t want to do that…” We were at my grandmas and he was only out of my sight for a second, sigh. It turns out he didn’t eat any, just powdered his face.

    But my brother and his wife? Their first is 9 months old and they actually warned me to “Watch her head — we don’t want her to get bumped!” Because I routinely throw infants to the ground like I’m spiking a football, huh? What-evah…
    .-= IASoupMama´s last blog ..Wearing the Pointy Hat of Shame =-.

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  34. haha, that is so true. My husband and I have only 1 daughter right now who is almost 1yr old and I feel like we were like that for a few months and now I am so relaxed about everything. She wears only a diaper on most days around the house, makes huge messes with her food, and the 5 second rule is definitely in play around here.

    Maybe that means we should just stick to our 1 child if we are already parenting like she is the second, LOL.
    .-= Homemaking 101´s last blog ..Tuesday Tag Along =-.

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  35. LOL So so true!
    First born: Paicifier lands on the floor. Boil it!
    Second born: Run it under some water or stick it in my own mouth. It’s clean enough.

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  36. I’m with you! I’m the same way, and my daughter is only 8 months. I’m interested to see how much people’s parenting changes from third to fourth kid, you know? (And I’m not having a third, either, though a lot of people say it’s much easier than the transition from one to two. Somehow, I don’t quite believe them. I don’t think it would work for this family.)
    .-= Jana@An Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..The Mom-Cut =-.

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    • Jana – I think the whole “how many kids should I have” really boils down to a personality thing. Even if I had all the money and help in the world, I don’t have the personality to have more than 2, just as some stop at 1. I think you just know when you’re done. 😉

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  37. As the third of four kids, I would love to hear my mother break down her parenting style like you’ve done here. I’m sure it would help to understand how we have developed! Very cute and entertaining post. thanks 😉

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  40. SO true! My first had all of the brand name stuff (formula, wipes, diapers) and now my son has all of the generic. Plus he has to wear his sister’s white socks… because I am NOT paying for tiny socks he can wear for a month! Same for bibs and blankets (boys can be pretty in pink too!) and his room (he’s got to live with pink walls and pink curtains till we can repaint). Even surrounded by pink and dolls and play dishes, he’s all boy and totally a #2 child!
    .-= One Mom´s last blog ..Katie Goes From 4 year old to 12 year old in Six Seconds And back again =-.

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  48. Oh it’s so true. My first child was EC’d, I made all of her food from scratch (ok, it wasn’t really work, I just mashed up what I was eating for her), she got changed practically every time there was a speck of something on her clothes, she always had socks on, etc etc etc.

    My third child? Ha. I don’t think he even has socks that fit him right now. He wouldn’t keep them on if he did and anyway, it’s summer time. He gets a bath when he’s filthy, I change his clothes when I can’t tell what the design on the front of his t-shirt is any more. And EC? When I get around to it. Otherwise, yeh, no.

    Multiple children certainly force things into perspective, lol.
    .-= ThoughtfulMomma´s last blog ..Pictures- At the Fireworks- Things That Glow and a Jedi Master! =-.

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