Nana passed away almost two years ago and saying good-bye to her was one of the most difficult days of my life. But what still surprises me is how much my son {who was 3 years old at the time} remembers about that day. Moreover, how much he remembers her.
I was tucking him in bed last night when he caught me a little off guard. A conversation began and went something like this…
“Mommy, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure sweetie.”
“How did Nana die?”
“Well honey, sometimes when you get older and reach a certain age your body doesn’t work as good as it used to work…”
“How come?”
“Well, when people get older, sometimes they have problems inside their bodies and sometimes there are many problems that are hard to fix.”
“Why are they hard to fix? Can’t they just take medicine to make them feel better?”
“Well sweetie, sometimes medicine isn’t enough to fix the problems in their bodies.”
“Well, like what kind of problems?”
“Like if someone has a heart problem, sometimes their heart just doesn’t work as good as it did when the person was younger…”
“So why can’t they just get a new heart?”
“It doesn’t always work out like that honey…”
“Well I would have given my heart to Nana…”
Getting choked up I managed to mutter the words, “I know you would have sweetie.”
“But Mommy, I still don’t get it. What’s the number?”
“What do mean – number?”
“Like give me a number of when your body doesn’t work as good anymore.”
“Well, the number is different for every person. Some people live to be 90 and some even live to be 100. But sometimes, people die much younger.”
“But what number does it start at?”
“I would say around 80. How’s that?”
“But I still don’t get it…because trees are much older than that and they don’t die and they don’t seem to have any problems! Mommy, why can’t we be like trees? Then we could live forever.”
“Oh my special boy, you are absolutely right…why can’t we be more like trees?”
With that thought I held my son’s hand, kissed his forehead and stared at the ceiling above. I closed my eyes for a moment and all I can remember thinking was why can’t more trees in this world be more like him?
That was so touching. I have a lump in my throat.
I find it difficult when the kids talk about death. In fact, I wrote about it here:
http://mummy-mayhem.blogspot.com/2010/05/mummy-when-are-you-going-to-die.html
What a beautiful boy you have there. x
.-= Jodie at Mummy Mayhem´s last blog ..Backhanded Compliments Um- thanksI think =-.
Thanks for sharing that link. “Look at the playground!” That made me laugh. No matter how you slice it, it’s a delicate subject but one I think worked out well last night. Thanks for reading…
Weeping. Our children are such amazing and insightful creatures. Thank you so much for sharing!
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..A puzzle without all the pieces =-.
The awesome thing about kids, is they tell it like it is. So innocent! I often wonder how my children will remember my mother. This was beautiful.
.-= Reachin’ Goals. Takin’ Names.´s last blog ..Wedded Bliss Wednesday- =-.
SO innocent! And the irony is it’s my Nana who passed and he had such a connection with her…thanks for reading.
How sweet! This is a hard conversation to have. You handled it beautifully.
.-= Jana@An Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..Every Weekend Should Have Three Days Each and Every All =-.
Oh. My. goodness. That was such a touching recollection. Our children are so innocent and they see the world so very differently than the rest of us. I wish I could see the world as they see it.
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..5 Things About Blogging =-.
I wish I could see it his way, too Lindsay.
I have had this same conversation. Trying to be as honest as you can without provoking their fear is a tough job. Luckily, their beautiful thoughts make it easier sometimes.
.-= The Traveling Circus´s last blog ..The Value of Summer Jobs-just jobs =-.
AW…tears and goosebumps. What a special son you have. We are all so blessed to have our children in our lives.
.-= Kel´s last blog ..Blogmania Featured Shop- Tiny Dots =-.
What a sweet boy. Tears this morning over this. Thinking of my Grandma keeping watch from heaven over my kids.
xoxo,t
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..Finding Happiness… =-.
Tracy,
I believe they are watching. Every single day.
xo
So sweet…I love how kids’ minds work…awesome!
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..First Solo Trip with the Craziesthe Finale =-.
That made me cry! How sweet he is and what a great feeling you have from it now. I love the innocents of children and just wish it could be like that forever with them!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Way Back When-esday- =-.
What a wonderful conversation with your son. Children give me hope.
.-= Miranda´s last blog ..The Pursuit of Happiness =-.
Miranda,
Sometimes it’s spontaneous conversations like these that put things quickly back into perspective for me – what’s really important in life.
Oh sweet boy! That made me tear up a little while reading. My grandfather passed away this January, and my daughter will say things like, “Pap has a flag in his yard.” It sounds like Nana had a lasting impression on your little guy and will always remember how much he loved her.
.-= angela´s last blog ..Six Months and one day =-.
A tear just dripped into my tea. Such a thoughtful boy. I love these insightful conversations that only children with their uncluttered minds can inspire.
Thanks for sharing!
What a sweet, sweet boy. I’m tearing up right now. I love the innocence of childhood.
.-= Kmama´s last blog ..If You Go to San Diego- You Might =-.
Thank you for sharing with us! I love when kids drop little tidbits on us that make us really think!
.-= Shirley´s last blog ..School Shopping =-.
This really hit me hard, like major tears hard.
What a wonderful heart your boy has. I fear about the day Madison asks me about death. I have such a hard time talking about it or dealing with it myself and I hope I don’t pass it along to her.
What a sweetie. The death conversations are never easy ones but you did great!
.-= Kristin @ Ellie-Town´s last blog ..Christmas in July =-.
That is a beautiful story. It hit home with me bigtime and I LOVE how he said, “Mommy, why can’t we be like trees?”
My grandfather passed away in March and he was my three year olds favorite playmate. She talks about him awesome, still calls my grandparents house “Papa’s House”. If I ever say the word Angel, she yells at me, and says, “Mommy, Papa is our angel”. I just say I know sweet heart. I was afraid she wouldn’t remember him but I am starting to realize that she won’t ever forget him. I am tearing up as I write this, so I will end by just saying Thank you for sharing!
.-= Terri´s last blog ..Traverse City-Cherry Festival and 4th of July FUN =-.
Oh, wow…it just melts your heart doesn’t it! So honest and pure!
You handled this so well. What a sweet boy you have. I just love his innocence and his outlook.
.-= Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last undefined ..Response cached until Thu 8 @ 14:30 GMT (Refreshes in 21 Minutes) =-.
This totally made me tear up. I’ve had similar conversations with my daughter and it is such a difficult thing to explain to a child. *HUGS*
.-= Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos´s last blog ..What Would I Change =-.
Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful story, and what an amazingly insightful little boy you have. It is amazing the depth of understanding and comprehension our children have, and even more amazing is what they can sort and organize in their minds. Bless his heart!
.-= Ashley @ Just Another Mom of 2´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out- The Fear of Playgroups =-.
Way to start a Thursday before heading to work. If left to kids, the world would be filled with happier things.
.-= MamaOnDaGo´s last blog .. =-.
i just love children. their innocence and pure view of the world makes it such a better place. very sweet story.
.-= Nobody´s last blog ..I’m A Fossil Girl =-.
What a little sweetie pie!!! I love the innocence of kids. There’s just nothing like it!
.-= The Mommyologist´s last blog ..The Hubster and I are Rock Stars =-.
damn you! i got tears welled up in my eyes and had to stop for a while before finishing reading the post.
you’ve got such a sweet kid. indeed why cant we live forever?? :(((
~ash’s mum
.-= Ash´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday- Innocent Eyes =-.
Beautiful post. Made me think of my mom who died seven years ago from ovarian cancer. After her funeral, all the grandkids decorated balloons and released them to go to Grandma. My daughter is the oldest grandchild and was six at the time. I’ll never forget her saying, “I feel so special and so honored. I’m old enough to remember this and the littler kids won’t.” (What six-year-old says that?) Still gets me choked up thinking about it. So glad your boy is able to remember his Nana even though he was very little. Sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job of keeping her memory alive.
.-= Melinda´s last blog ..A Culture of Cooperation =-.
That was beautiful. Doesn’t help that I stumbled across another blog and although normally I don’t listen to the music, whatever this song is that is playing is tearing me up badly as it is so touching. About a new baby girl, or something like that. So I have it as a soundtrack to your conversation with your little tree. 😉 Thanks for sharing. You lifted my heart a bit today.
.-= Good Girl Gone Redneck´s last blog ..Things that make my day easier =-.
Yes, please, more people like him. My dad shared a story last night about a songwriter here in town who needed a bone marrow transplant. This random guy was a match and agreed to do it so the songwriter flew to where this guy was located. And then the guy backed out at the last minute. And the songwriter died in his early 30’s. Isn’t that just awful? Bone marrow regenerates.
What a doll. Sweet post Heather!
.-= JennyMac´s last blog ..Sitting in a tree made it all sound so easy =-.
What a great way to handle the subject and the innocence of a child just shines through. I have a grandmother and great aunt that are in their 90’s and take my daughter to see them at least every 6mths– to her they live in grandma town (since it’s a retirement community with tons of older ladies and a few men)…we have had a few conversations after visits about getting older and being sick. I never know what she really got till the last visit when she played surrogate great-granddaughter to everyone…as we left she said I just them all to be happy. Moments to treasure.
.-= AZLB´s last blog ..Professional Hiker- Hulu girl- and Puka dog lover- =-.
Wow! I don’t know what was more touching – his questions or the way you handled the conversation. Wonderful!
Absolutely beautiful. Children are so wise and innocent all at the same time. We lost my husband’s grandmother last year and it’s still hard to accept that she’s gone but your son’s sentiment made me smile.
.-= Daenel´s last blog ..I’ve Been a Bad Blogger But It Wasn’t On Purpose =-.
Oh my word how absolutely precious!
.-= imperfect momma´s last blog ..What they dont tell you =-.
Thanks so much for sharing this. My kids and I have been talking about death alot. My grandparents are older and are having a lot of health issues. Kids really have the most insite on how to explain things that I can’t even understand.
I agree why can’t people be more like trees?
Awww…this brought tears to my eyes. Such a wisdom from an innocent soul is always amazing. Thanks for sharing this with us all. Can I borrow how you explain this when my times come to answer those questions? I think you handled it beautifully!
I’m speechless…. through the mouth of babes.
.-= Mandy´s last blog ..how cute are these- =-.
This is a beautiful post!
Wow.
I feel lumps in my throat rising to the surface!
Thanks for this post!
.-= one cluttered brain´s last blog ..Two for one- Oh me- oh my- =-.
Right now by Little Bit is being cared for by my grandparents, his great-grandparents, while I work. It tears my heart up to think that they may pass before he is able to express in words his love for them. It’s absolutely wonderful that your son got to grow a connection with Nana, one I’m sure will be with him forever.
It amazes me too how much children do remember and how certain things have more impact on them than we give them credit for. I think it’s lovely that your son has such fond memories of his nana, and that you did great in answering his questions. Some may have chosen the mystical route (went to live with Peter Rabbit, etc.) but you didn’t, and that’s important. Children can handle the truth – we just need to be cautious in how we present it to them.
.-= Justine´s last blog ..Snapshot- Day in the life with a two-year-old boy Guest Post =-.
How adorable. Sounds like he is a sweetie. It’s incredible what kids know about death and how they seem to say the sweetest things. Recently, we were watching a slide show, and my four year old niece saw a picture of her grandmother, who passed away over a year ago. And she said, “Nanny died. I remember when Nanny died. We were all very sad. But it’s ok, Nanny still loves me very much from Heaven and I love her….. [long pause, and then in a little voice] I miss Nanny.” My heart melted at that moment!
He sounds like an incredible little boy!
.-= The Red Dress Club´s last blog ..Rejection Is Only The First Step =-.
such a difficult topic to broach with a little one but you did well with it!
Oh my goodness, tears in my eyes right now. How wonderful that he still remembers her. That story really touched my heart.
My son did ask me a few months ago similar questions. Those are the ones that really catch you off guard as a mom. You handled it like a pro.
That is such a sweet story. My grandfather passed away when I was 17. I wish I remembered him better.
.-= Mungee’s Ma´s last blog ..Did You Know =-.
Oh my word. That is the most precious thing I’ve read. How beautiful. What a precious, sweet hearted boy you have. *tear*
.-= Alice @ Life With Vivian´s last blog ..I Wouldnt Change A Thing =-.
Tears.
Kids – they’re smart, aren’t they?
This is why I love blogs. You will never forget this moment because you have it here…. where you can always go back and read it. Thank you for sharing such a special moment and reminding us all of how sweet moments like that are!
I just asked my daughter if she could be a tree what kind would she be. With no hesitation she says “an apple tree, yep, an apple tree definitely”
.-= Sugar Mama´s last blog ..Leaving On a Jet Plane =-.
Super sweet….so innocent and right from his heart! So many of these tough conversations happen when we least expect them don’t they?
It’s so hard for them to grasp the concept of death, and scary for them to picture it happening to YOU. You gave him just what he needed, and that seemed to be enough for now. That’s a THETA mom moment, don’t you think?
.-= Sherri´s last blog ..You Know Youre a Mom When =-.
And a very sweet little branch you have on your own family tree. I remember how my small son cried when my grandmother (his great-) was dying. He could hardly stand it. The precious thing was that he got to speak to her on the phone (she was in another state) while a family member held the phone up to her ear. She was not able to respond, but at least she could hear his voice before she passed on into Heaven.
Oh, my.