Blogging has brought so many wonderful people into my life like the many women who I have connected with on multiple levels both on this site and throughout social media. But when I received that first negative comment on my blog a few months ago I was a bit taken back. Initially, I was disappointed to find that someone would leave such a “mean” spirited comment. I am not a controversial blogger nor does my writing portray a narrow minded point of view. I always write openly and honestly about my experiences in a broad context. However, the more my blog has grown so have the negative comments and unfortunately I have come to realize – this is part of the gig.
The reason why I wanted to write about this topic is because whether you are a newbie blogger or have been blogging for years, the reality is at some point in your blogging career you will receive some negative feedback. It may be in a comment, tweet or even an email, but nevertheless it will happen. I would say it’s pretty much a guarantee.
Now I don’t expect every single person to like me or even agree with me for that matter. But what I do expect is the notion that you can share a difference of opinion within a comment in a professional and respectful manner that would actually foster a mature, direct and rather interesting discussion. But when comments are blatantly made to degrade a blog or written in just plain nastiness directly aimed at attacking the person behind the blog – which is what I have experienced recently – that’s where I draw the line.
This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.
Ironically, this also comes at a time when I have been the topic of discussion in three different communities recently and it’s now gotten to the point of sheer ridiculousness. One blogger had the nerve to link one of the obnoxious threads she started to my own community. This proved to me that in the bloggy world (just like in real life) people will continue to talk and talk is cheap.
I cannot control what is said about me but what I can control is my reaction to it. I refuse to further respond to these comments because ultimately, that’s what these “bloggers” want. They want attention any way they can get it even if that means trying to bring someone else down in the process. If I add myself to this mix I would be feeding into their drama and I have more class than that.
So if this ever happens to you, here is my advice. Ignore it. It’s not worth your time or even a justified response because you have so many more productive things to do and you are better than that. Don’t let it get you down. It is their issue, NOT yours.
And to the naysayers: You can carry on your obnoxious discussions about me and talk in circles in your own space because just as I stated in this post, I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I know what this blog is about – and so do the other 2,500+ subscribers so if you don’t get that, it’s YOUR loss. I am certainly not losing sleep over a handful of women who have nothing better to do with their time than to try and bring me down.
And in the end? I have become a more confident, self-assured blogger who will continue to rise above the nonsense.
And especially to the special group of ladies who decided to bash my name and every ounce of my blog in a very popular parenting message board recently, I thank you for linking back because I enjoyed the extra boost in traffic.
And my sponsors thank you, too.
I’m sorry you were the focus of those busy-bodies. Thankfully, I have yet to deal with something like this. If I ever do, I hope to have as much class as you as I navigate through it.
.-= Kmama´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.
It is true. There are always negative people who want to see some kind of reaction by posting ridiculous comments about you. I haven’t had that experience in communities yet, but definitely have had a handful of mean comments.
Question though, do you think writing a post about it instead of ignoring it, might actually feed the negativity and egg them on?
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..My Dog’s Sperm Is Worth Big Bucks =-.
Regardless of what I write, I am the topic of discussion. So why not call them out on their ridiculous antics and let my readers learn from my experience? Furthermore, why not let the naysayers know they will NOT bring me down?
I can see from the comments that your readers appreciate your sentiments! I’m just worried negative nellies will high five themselves when they get ANY kind of response. I think it’s showing them that they did bring you down…if only for a moment.
.-= Mama Kat´s last blog ..My Dog’s Sperm Is Worth Big Bucks =-.
I never named “them” or linked back and THAT’S what they ultimately would want.
Since my blog’s inception, I have written honestly and openly about my experiences and this is just another one for the blogging book. If anything, this experience has only made me stronger and I am glad to have the platform and the voice to share it.
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this, though I am thrilled that you got a boost in traffic out of it. Why is karma so hard for some people to understand?
.-= Jerseygirl´s last blog ..Swimming and Other Natural Disasters =-.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have been wanting to write a post about this topic for awhile and you just worded it perfectly. I was really into my blog about 3-4 months back. I was connecting with everyone and trying to write back to the 100 comments a post…and then I saw some of the ugly side of blogging and withdrew. I am still blogging but not nearly as much and with more caution. I almost deleted the whole thing last week. We open ourselves up and we reach out to others. We make these priceless connections and meet people we would have never known. To me, that is priceless. But, sometimes I wonder how much we need to sacrifice for that gift. Our security, our sanity, our PRIVACY our self confidence. We can shake off Mr/Mrs. Anon for only so long until their words creep into our skin. So we need to keep our heads up, and stand up for ourselves. We have helped TOO many people (and that goes both ways) for us to stop because of these mean trolls. Keep up the good work honey!!!
.-= Juliana´s last blog ..The newest addition to our family and other randoms… =-.
Stand up ovation to you! Very well written and you are classy, smart blogger who is loved so for those who virtually attacked you…well it shows how their personalities really are! Thanks for sharing this, I’ve only got a nasty comment once in my old blog and you’re right I was taken back at first but then I realized you can’t change people and if they can’t voice their opinion in a good manner…well too bad, I know my mama raised me better than that LOL 😀
I heard a friend with a popular blog say this once, “Supporters give a boost but haters pay the bills.” I thought that was a win-win outlook. :0)
Your right, just ignore them, focus in the positive, and they will have no power over you.
Keep up the great work and positive blogging.
“Supporters give a boost but haters pay the bills.” OMG I LOOOOOVVVEEEE that quote..
Amen.
Sometimes they still get under my skin. But I try to not let that happen because it just gives them power.
.-= Blair´s last blog ..Making it count. (isn’t that a tagline to Titanic or something?) =-.
Thumbs down to the mean people. Keep your head up!
.-= JAS @ MLCW´s last blog ..A Day For The Fathers =-.
You are too good because I would reported them to the Cyber Police and filed a harassment suit! I tell the nerve of those moms. Instead of bashing each other we have to learn to stand up for one another. Idk what makes one mom feel like she’s better than another especially if they have never met you.
I for one love the hell out of your blog. You keep it real and make no apologies for it. My mom always says that hateration comes with success! So, as Jay-Z famously rapped “Get that dirt of ya shoulders” and keep moving. Don’t change a thing.
.-= YUMMommy ´s last blog ..Father’s Day Reflections =-.
Jealously incites such ludicrous behavior. Your attitude clearly shows that you are above stooping to their level. Good for you for keeping it real!
.-= Mungee’s Ma´s last blog ..Happy 1st Father’s Day =-.
I really can’t imagine why someone would be mean to you. You are very even handed in your blog commentary and just generally seem like a nice person.
I do cringe sometimes when I think a post of my own might get some negative comments, but you are absoluely right that as a blogger you have to be prepared for it and accept that it will happen eventually.
Bottomline, there’s 2,500 people who like what you’re putting out in the world.
Ya know, I have a hard enough problem finding time in the day to blog, I cannot imagine neglecting my kids or home just to talk badly about someone. These people need to get a life and try writing something meaningful, really, what good is going to come by talking negatively of a fellow blogger?!?!
Sorry Heather! You do have the right attitude though, ignore them.
Hi Theta Mom,
I’m sorry, it’s been awhile since I’ve commented, but I’m always reading. The thing I love the best about you is your positivity and your refreshing confidence. In a world of sometimes ugly blog drama, you always manage to be this noble presence.
I have tried to remember that those mean spirited trolls are the ones with the problem. They seem so bogged down in hate and vitriol. I’ve gotten to the point, where I almost feel sorry for them. And even though I know who I am, I will admit to my skin being a little thin when it comes to sticks and stones. Haters are a part of life. It is what we choose to do about them that makes us the better person.
Keep your chin up. The blog world is blessed to be graced with your presence.
.-= joann mannix´s last blog ..A Letter To My Girl =-.
I am so sorry to read that there are bloggers out there like that. I just received an email from a friend this morning where a comment was weighing heavy on her heart. I am going to send her the link to this post. I think it is great to hear from someone who is so successful like you tell it like it is and let the crap roll right off of your back. You go girl! Thanks for the wonderful post!
.-= Tammy´s last blog ..SUMMER ESSENTIALS – CafePress Beach Bag Giveaway =-.
You go girl! I am a big supporter of you and LOVE your blog. Those other people need to find something better to do with their time!
.-= Theresa´s last blog ..Once Upon a Child =-.
Fantastic post! I adore you & your blog.
People can disagree with me all day long and I’ll be fine with it but being mean & hurtful is NOT tolerated in my house or my interweb home!
And I’m so glad they linked you, I bet you found new followers ;-).
Brush it off, and don’t let it get you down. They are probably just jealous of your success.
.-= Gerber Days´s last blog ..Ultimate Makeover! =-.
Go ahead girl!!! Kick them out of your house! You and I are the kinda women who actually love ourselves and the lives we’ve made for ourselves that we don’t have time for that BS.
And yes, THIS sponsor LOVES the added traffic!
Woohoo, bring it on ladies. Fill up your overly-obvious existentialist hole!
.-= Mommy To Two Boys´s last blog ..Our 2 Year Autism Anniversary! =-.
Like the gal above said, I think those naysayers had too much time on their hands. Brush it off and move on, your head held high and keep on keepin’ on (that’s what we say in our house)! : )
.-= Katie’s Dailies´s last blog ..Peaceful Sounds =-.
I will never understand why people have to write negative comments instead of just not reading a blog they don’t enjoy. It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe just too much time on their hands?? I just recently found your blog and I love it!
I’ve heard it said many times that one is not truly a successful blogger until one has received a healthy handful of criticism from the naysayers. Stay strong, Mama…their words of immaturity do nothing but validate your success!!
.-= Bullfrogs & Butterflies Baby´s last blog ..Celebrate Dad! =-.
People are jerks, online and off. I’m sorry people are talking bad about you…but it just proves what a terrific blogger you are…you’ve provoked jealousy.
I’m certain that’s what’s behind most of it.
.-= amber´s last blog ..Mirror, Mirror On the Wall. =-.
YOU GO THETA MOM! Thank you for this post. This was a great way to lead by example!
As a side note, I haven’t heard anything negative about you or your blog. On the contrary, I hear high praise everywhere online! Also, I am astounded that anyone would be so rude for no apparent reason. It’s sad really.
Blessings to you!
Kari
.-= Kari´s last blog ..Who Are You Talking To? =-.
OK my favorite quote from a TI RHinna song “never mind what hattas say…ignore them till they fade away” I have learned to live by that.
Honestly, they are just jealous with a capital J! There is no other reason to explain that type of transparent obvious behavior.
I think your response is classic. I love the end “And my sponsors thank you too”. I felt like I wanted to jump in the air and give you a big ole high five. You do what you do and do it very well and no matter there will always be haters.
Again I think you really handle this situation well. Because I saw some major mudslinging going on this weekend on another popular blog and I have to be honest I was a little taken back and disheartened on the way it was handled. Very high school and bullyish in my opinion. And the way everyone “rallied” around that type of reaction was a little shocking. It made me start to think very differently about the bloggy world. But this post just rejuvinated me. Because you showed that this type of crap does happen and THIS is how you handle it with class.
So thanks Theta Mom! Keep your head up as always and WORK IT GIRL!!
.-= This Mama Works It!´s last blog ..Advertise Your Ebay Items on Your Blog or Website With an Ebay Icon =-.
Sometimes the blogoshere seems like being back in the playground. I see negative comments left on blogs and I read the conversations in the communities and usually see a bottom line of jealousy. I also see a lot of the high school behaviour of ‘make someone feel bad to make me feel all big and important and superior’. It’s childish. If their lives are that small that they have the time to leave nasty comments, link back to blogs and start negative conversations then I feel sorry for them.
Heather, I’m sorry this has happened to you. I saw one of the conversations in a community and thought that the people concerned just came across as petty. I think you’ve handled it well so far. Chin up girl!
.-= Pumpkin and Piglet´s last blog ..Father’s Day =-.
Wow. I know that in the past I have gotten some negative feedback from people as well. At first I felt as though I had to defend myself…as if I would change the minds of these people. I slowly began to realize that nothing I said was going to change their minds. I wrote a post a little while back about “Negative People”…but I think many times they don’t see themselves as being negative. They see themselves as “just” or “right” because they think they are shedding light on some little-known subject. There are going to be people out there who are going to be mean and spiteful no matter what and you can’t stop them. Although I had to choke back my own little lump when you reiterated the fact you have 2500+ subscribers I know that your success is something YOU earned. You sure can’t please everyone…and you’ll kill yourself trying to (or worrying about what they have to say). Excellent post.
.-= Kristen´s last blog ..Blog Envy-Take it one step at a time =-.
I am sooo confused!
I don’t see why anyone would have anything bad to say about you or your blog.
.-= sophia’s mom´s last blog ..‘Moody Mamas’ are all the rage! =-.
I am ALWAYS caught off guard when I find out that my favorite bloggers are getting bad comments! I am ALWAYS surprised i guess because i can’t figure out what BAD there is to say OR why in the world are they reading the blog if they hate it that much? Blogs are their for our own personal views/opinions. That is why they are great. There are TONS of bloggers out there I DO NOT agree with. So guess what? they are not in my google reader. I ignore them. I have NEVER understood where people who just set up on the internet and bash people on message boards and in comment areas have TIME to do that? Wouldn’t they rather spend time reading blogs they love and be all happy about it? That is what I do. I surround myself with the blogs that make me happy and that make me CARE about the women (and some dudes) behind them. Why sit in a pile of negative poo all day? Boo.
Your post was lovely. You are one of my favorites! So boo to those negative poo sitters!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Father’s Day, A Giveaway Winner, and a Tigers Game…Oh My! =-.
What?! Are we in high school again facing a group of mean girls? I’m guessing that they don’t have enough material for their own blogs.
Theta mom, don’t ever let those meanies get you down. I (and so do many others) LOVE your honesty and the fact that you are willing to be open about all your experiences – making us feel supported and not alone in this world of mommyhood.
It’s only happened to me once so far (I discounted the time I got a rogue Viagra advertiser commenting on an old post which just made me laugh) and although this “blogger” turned out to be no one I knew who was clearly just out to cause trouble it was still very upsetting. So thank you for writing about this today and you are so very right, don’t let it get you down when it happens, and don’t ever respond because that is exactly what these so called bloggers are looking for, a reaction. So if they do not get one then they will go and look for someone else to bait.
.-= Aging Mommy´s last blog ..Downtime With Dad =-.
Your right ! it is your blog, it is your space, it is a part of your self. Someone else throws mud at you through your home, you have every right to pick all the shit and throw it right back at them, but the fact that you dont do it just makes you a bigger person !!! 😀 blog happy !!! blog always !!! as i read on…
.-= Shafeena´s last blog ..Blog by a Mum… a Mlog? =-.
I will never understand why some people feel the need to be so nasty and leave rude comments. I would not waste my time or energy. Like you said, if you don’t like it get out and move along!
I think you are an amazing blogger and judging by the thousands that follow your blog, I know I’m not alone!!
.-= Adventures in Mommywood´s last blog ..Twins?!?! =-.
Good for you! I love this post. You showed your class by not linking to them or calling them out by name. (I’ve also seen bloggers tell their readers to unfollow or go leave nasty comments to someone they are having issues with)
Yay for you and your sponsors. I hope that little boost in traffic is a blessing to you! =)
.-= Tracie´s last blog ..Beware of Microwaves =-.
Good for you for taking the higher road ~ sadly, it is true that some people just cannot be nice (in real life and the blogging community).
LOVED how you ended this post…turning a negative into a positive! THETA GIRL!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..A Magical Wedding ~ =-.
Amen Sister Friend! Thank you for this post. I consider my blog, well.. MINE. Luckily I have not received too many hate comments but I know my day is coming. It’s a shame people get joy out of picking on others, but it sure is a true definition of their character… not ours. I feel that if you ignore them, they don’t get anything out of it, therefore they move on to someone else.
.-= E Dub´s last blog ..My New Craft Room – Revealed! =-.
You know, I’ve read a bunch of comments recently about handling negative comments. I really don’t get it. I mean, you’re out there, someone’s going to be an ass, rise above, ignore, have thicker skin.
BUT starting convos about someone just to be, you know, high school? That goes beyond. Don’t blame you for being upset. Don’t know if it’s necessary to call them out, but you need to do what you feel is right.
Tell them they can kiss the butts of all 2,500+ of your followers.
Amy
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Making "Negative One" Father’s Day count- June 20, 2010 =-.
Okay, that wasn’t positive. But, it felt good! Sorry Theta. I’ll be more positive!
Amy
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Making "Negative One" Father’s Day count- June 20, 2010 =-.
Its a shame that people really have nothing better to do
.-= shortmama´s last blog ..Im Challenging You…And You…And You in the back…And You in the corner pretending to ignore me =-.
No matter what we do, where we go. There will always be those that want to tear us down or lift us up. It all works to make us stronger. As long as we know who we are and the purpose of all we do nothing else matters.
I’ve had a few “I disagree, what about this point” comments, which I love, because I get to see a real discussion happen, but I’m still waiting to become a bonafide blogger by getting some hate!! Oh wait, I did get called the c-word once, but that was in response to a comment I made on another blog.
Bring on the hate mail, then I’ll know I’ve really made it!!! lol
.-= Quixotic´s last blog ..And the winner is… =-.
I am so sorry that you were the center of such mean conversations..and you are right..if they dont like what you have to say then get out!! and why upset you in the process?? Infact there are a few blogs like yours that actually have givn many newbies a sense of guidance on how to take their blog off good grounds… For this I thank you and well someone once told me “every city has a ghetto” so i guess this is the world wide web, filled with the good, the loving the bad and the meanies…
I gues I am glad to see that you are taking these in good stride and not bringing yourself down to their level..
Hi Theta Mom,
Wow you got a lot of comments on this one. I guess it hits a nerve. I posted about this topic today also. I had a horrible weekend dealing with “the negative side of blogging”. In my case, I hate to admit it, but I was the one that started with a negative comment. But, I am by nature not a mean spirited person. I made a comment on someones blog basically proposing or accusing them of doing something. My assumptions were based on faulty information. The situation kept escalating and before you could say ” Oh my gosh!” there was name calling and some very ugly things said within a post about me! I think when these things happen, it really makes one feel really sick inside, at least it did for me. I was determined not to post about it because I just wanted it to go away. But, with some thought, I began to realize what I had done and how it had got so carried away. So, although I hated to have my actions under the spotlight, I did write about about what I learned from it. I also spoke about the Blog With Integrity pledge, and put the button on my site. I now hope that what I learned (and hopefully the other person learned) will take root and produce a more positive outcome.
I’m glad you wrote about it because in every situation it is all about how you respond to things and what you do with it. Everyone is accountable for their own actions without regard for what someone else may have done. What a person does always says more about that person that the one that may have provoked it.
Thanks for your wisdom and insight. We need lots of positive input on these events!
.-= Judy B.´s last blog ..Blogger Ethics and Integrity: Why here? Why now? Why me? Why you? =-.
Can’t believe anyone would have anything to say about you, or what you post. I enjoy this blog immensely, and find you to be an intelligent, honest, down to earth woman.
The only thing I can see is jealousy and envy over your 2500 readers adn followers. Jealousy is ugly like that.
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..Lady Blogger’s Society =-.
P.S.
By the way, if you all really want to change this for the positive, it is up to you. I encourage everyone to go to the Blog With Integrity site, take the pledge and place the button on you site.
Thanks.
.-= Judy B.´s last blog ..Blogger Ethics and Integrity: Why here? Why now? Why me? Why you? =-.
good for you, heather. the only time i’ve left a negative comment on someone’s blog is when they made some pretty sweeping generalizations about women with ppd, and i’d have felt like a fraud if i didn’t say anything. i couldn’t let that stand, because the sentiments were potentially very harmful to women who are dealing with the disorder. other than that, though, i know that if i don’t agree with someone, i can just not read their blogs.
i’m glad you came out of this experience happier and stronger.
.-= alexis´s last blog ..panty free is the way to be. =-.
Today I was the subject of a blog post. WTH??? The blogger linked my profile to her post and then continued to chastise me because I innocently commented on one of her posts last week that I had always used corn syrup in baking recipes and didn’t know you could substitute simple syrup for it. Can you imagine my audacity in doing so? Well, she then replied to my comment, not only in the original post but then did a separate post about it. Complete with links to governmental nutrition websites and the dangers of high fructose corn syrup. I commented on her post today – since she saw it fit to link me – but used my best Southern manners in the process. I did however tell her I would have responded by email but unfortunately she did not have an email associated with her blog and all her comments were “no reply-comment”. Guess I should have read this post first, huh?
.-= Leiah´s last blog ..Once upon a time… =-.
I have 2 comments…
1 – I’m so happy that you wrote this. As a fairly new mom-blogger, I find it really encouraging & it gives some insight into what I could expect at some point.
2 – I can’t imagine what people would have to say negative about you or your blog. I’ve been reading for a while now & I’ve never noticed anything that would ever even slightly merit a negative opinion. I just don’t get it. I guess some people are just going to be negative no matter what.
Keep up what you’re doing!! I love it!!
.-= Ingenue Mom´s last blog ..First Bloggy Friend =-.
Go Theta Mom!!!
I read those gross comments over on BlogFrog etc. and it made me sick. I realized that adding to it would simply be fuel to their sad fire.
I loved how you handled yourself and you have taught me some valuable lessons.
I’ve been away from the bloggy world for a few months, so I’m a little shocked at this behavior. You really shouldn’t care about what these negative people are saying. You’re blog is great, you write well, and you are likeable. Of course you’re going to have some out there that will try to bring you down. You seem to be handling it just fine.
I love how you wrote: This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.
That’s right girl!!!