Blogging has brought so many wonderful people into my life like the many women who I have connected with on multiple levels both on this site and throughout social media. But when I received that first negative comment on my blog a few months ago I was a bit taken back. Initially, I was disappointed to find that someone would leave such a “mean” spirited comment. I am not a controversial blogger nor does my writing portray a narrow minded point of view. I always write openly and honestly about my experiences in a broad context. However, the more my blog has grown so have the negative comments and unfortunately I have come to realize – this is part of the gig.
The reason why I wanted to write about this topic is because whether you are a newbie blogger or have been blogging for years, the reality is at some point in your blogging career you will receive some negative feedback. It may be in a comment, tweet or even an email, but nevertheless it will happen. I would say it’s pretty much a guarantee.
Now I don’t expect every single person to like me or even agree with me for that matter. But what I do expect is the notion that you can share a difference of opinion within a comment in a professional and respectful manner that would actually foster a mature, direct and rather interesting discussion. But when comments are blatantly made to degrade a blog or written in just plain nastiness directly aimed at attacking the person behind the blog – which is what I have experienced recently – that’s where I draw the line.
This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.
Ironically, this also comes at a time when I have been the topic of discussion in three different communities recently and it’s now gotten to the point of sheer ridiculousness. One blogger had the nerve to link one of the obnoxious threads she started to my own community. This proved to me that in the bloggy world (just like in real life) people will continue to talk and talk is cheap.
I cannot control what is said about me but what I can control is my reaction to it. I refuse to further respond to these comments because ultimately, that’s what these “bloggers” want. They want attention any way they can get it even if that means trying to bring someone else down in the process. If I add myself to this mix I would be feeding into their drama and I have more class than that.
So if this ever happens to you, here is my advice. Ignore it. It’s not worth your time or even a justified response because you have so many more productive things to do and you are better than that. Don’t let it get you down. It is their issue, NOT yours.
And to the naysayers: You can carry on your obnoxious discussions about me and talk in circles in your own space because just as I stated in this post, I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I know what this blog is about – and so do the other 2,500+ subscribers so if you don’t get that, it’s YOUR loss. I am certainly not losing sleep over a handful of women who have nothing better to do with their time than to try and bring me down.
And in the end? I have become a more confident, self-assured blogger who will continue to rise above the nonsense.
And especially to the special group of ladies who decided to bash my name and every ounce of my blog in a very popular parenting message board recently, I thank you for linking back because I enjoyed the extra boost in traffic.
And my sponsors thank you, too.
Negativity is frustrating to me, as is the idea that we can’t respectfully disagree. Respectfully being the key word. I think there is a lack of tact in this world that has been mistaken for honesty. It is possible to be honest and to kind at the same time, and I wish more people would practice that.
And I think you’re right: ignoring nastiness is sometimes the best way to handle it!
.-= GlowinGirl´s last blog ..My Father, My Dad =-.
So very well said!
Your blog & the posts you write are so open minded and balanced, its one of the reasons you have so many readers- and I cannot even believe people would have negative things to add to the conversations here at ThetaMom. Though one thing is for sure – if they can say bad things they are clearly jealous & trying very hard to find something to stir the pot about. Its sad really.
Good for you though for rising above,
.-= Corine (Complicated Mama)´s last blog ..Found My Orange Pride & Becoming A Hooter’s Girl =-.
It is very unfortunate that people can’t get along. Seems cowardly to be mean on a blog where you can’t look at the other face to face. It also seems ridiculous on a blog that is meant to share good news, good fortune and advice to get nasty.
There are plenty of sites and blogs for just that. I belong to a few communities but honestly have little time from RL to get involved…and sometimes I am glad for the very reason you state.
I recently did a google search of my blog title and found a person who devoted an entire post to how awful I was… I don’t even “know” this blogger. I left a message but never heard from them. I don’t know what set them off, but I can’t change (if needed) if there is no communication. As you said their loss.
Keep up the good work TM, I may not get around as much as I would like but I have only heard good things
.-= Vodka logic´s last blog ..One of My Favorite Things =-.
Vodka Logic – Yes, those “communities” seem to foster this kind of behavior and so I am steering clear from many of them. They are unproductive and in many of them, it’s just an all out bash fest, something I was the target of recently.
Well said. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to be negative, if you don’t like what you read, click away people, it’s that simple.
.-= Christie – Childhood 101´s last blog ..Kids Create: The Lure of ‘Don’t Touch’ =-.
You go girl! What you say here is so important for bloggers to remember. Well done. Hugs, xo.
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Balance is worth it =-.
I honestly believe a LOT of bloggers start negative rants to get traffic back to their site. I was shocked to read about the attacks by other bloggers on women like Pioneer Woman, Redneck Mommy and Dooce. It was a let-down when I realized it was just like junior high. That is how I view those comments, I treat them like a jr. high bully is out there. Usually those people have real issues going on in their lives and I know I am in a better place. So your advice is perfect, ignore it, move on, keep on doing what works for you and your blog.
Now a discussion? I am all for a robust discussion on a subject. I will give my point of view and defend it, but realize we all have a right to our opinion. That is why blogging is great. To hear how other people view and experience the world.
Hopefully some of these bloggers can get out of Jr. High. It’s too bad there is a required code of conduct for bloggers.
.-= Kathryn´s last blog ..If my life had a soundtrack =-.
Exactly Kathryn! I don’t expect evryone to agree with me and I am all about discussion – that’s the whole point of blogging, to begin the dialogue. But when an opinion is presented to attack me or this space, it’s sheer ridiculousness. You CAN share a different point of view in a professional and respectful way. It’s sad that others don’t know how to do this. But what really got me fired up was the negative chatter elsewhere about my blog. Enough already!
Thanks so much for your comment.
I am a fairly “young” blogger…mine’s only been up since August. And I had the experience of “anonymous” poster who wanted to argue a particular topic with me one day last fall. I tried to be human back to him, but of course, he wasn’t there to really come to terms with our discussion…he just wanted to fight. I ignored and he went away. So I get that.
I’m so sorry you have experienced this! Why is it that women…even in the blogosphere…can turn into nasty people?
Anyway, this is my first time by…I am stopping by from SITS. Have a great day!
Michelle
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Monday Mumbles =-.
I agree with you completely and find it sad that people feel the need to attack one another at all – let alone on their personal blogs. There are lots of blogs out there and everyone can find their own space to be and comment and connect. Why the drama?
Happy Monday!
xoxo,t
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..How I know it will be a long Summer… =-.
Very well said. Last week I had my first dose of reality with plagiarism and how the blogger felt since all of the content applied to her she just copy and pasted. It was a negative blow in my mind and I guess we will all face something eventually. I agree with the others, I think it is a way for “others” to generate more traffic to their site. And I took your advice, and never mentioned the blog’s name or even the post I was referring too. Why? I am not giving them the satisfaction.
I guess when negativity strikes you just have to remember why you are blogging and look around you….you have an amazing community of supportive women….you don’t need those “haters” {in my mind they are only jealous}.
How do you put down the Theta Mom? Seriously. Whatever anyone says, I love your blog and I love the thoughtful, empowering posts that you write. Fuhgeddaboutem.
.-= Lindsay @ Just My Blog´s last blog ..Saturday Giveaway Linky – Week 3 =-.
I totally agree and just posted something similar to this topic this morning (although mine has more to do with social-media etiquette).
The thing I don’t understand about these people who go around leaving crappy, negative comments is why do they even bother? It’s so asinine to think that they have the right to tell you how to conduct your business. I’m particularly offended when someone attacks a Facebook account since we’re all supposed to “know” each other and we’re allowed to be however we choose.
I think it’s either a) they want attention or b) they just really, really don’t “get it.”
You’ve got it right, though, just ignore them. Definitely not worth the effort
.-= Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last blog ..Social media interactions: How not to be an asshole =-.
I am so sorry for your experience! I’m fairly new to blogging and was shocked the first time I saw a discussion bashing a fellow blogger. I’m with you, if you don’t like it, don’t read it! Don’t let it get you down!
.-= A Little Cup of Comfort´s last blog ..Five Question Friday! =-.
Way to make lemons into lemonade!!! Great post, girl!
.-= A Belle, A Bean & A Chicago Dog´s last blog ..A Special Introduction =-.
It’s refreshing to see people who stand up for themselves and don’t fold when at pressure! You do so much for so many people!
.-= Cindi @ Great Finds and Giveaways´s last blog ..Keurig B60 Special Edition Home Brewing System Giveaway =-.
Life has enough difficulties! Why in the world people want to pick fights online is beyond me! Stay positive!
.-= Lula Lola´s last blog ..Charleston Road Trip =-.
I will never understand why people think it’s OK to be mean on the internet. If you don’t like what you read or think you don’t like the person writing it, why spend the time talking about it or bashing someone? Simply leave the website and don’t return. It’s not rocket science.
So sorry that you’ve attracted people who just aren’t nice or respectful. But I think your outlook on it is right on.
Absolutely!! I have not had the “pleasure” of dealing with a negative commenter yet, but everytime I read about someone else who is dealing with it- it is maddening! What I don’t understand is how people think that it is ok- to be disrespectful in- as you said- someone else’s home. I would have much more respect for someone that found fault in my writing- that emailed me directly so that we might engage in a real dialouge instead of just bashing things outright.
xo
.-= Cara Mamma´s last blog ..Calling all Cara Mamma Readers…. =-.
I love that you are standing up for yourself specifically, and bloggers in general. Ignoring is probably the best way to go! Your blog has been so incredibly encouraging to me! Thank you for what you do, and who you are!
.-= A Mom After God’s Own Heart´s last blog ..A Tailor-Made Bride: Book Review =-.
BRAVO! Excellent post. I have been down this road a time or two (and I DO have a controversial narrow minded blog lol) and I commend you for coming to the conclusion you did. For all the positive out there in blogging, there unfortunately is a lot of negative as well. Sometimes a ‘community’ is really just a ‘clique.’ You’re better off sticking with the cool peeps who GET you. Congrats on being honest about your feelings though- I have seen people get really nasty when you try to talk about the negative- I wrote this post:
http://www.pajamasandcoffee.com/?p=626
and then had all kinds of ‘community’ people talking crap behind my back all over twitter, blogs, etc. Screw the haters.
You said it best:
“This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.”
(Clapping furiously!)
Rock ON, mama!
xo
Looking forward to reading that and I know this is not the end of the negativity – and I think that’s the point of my post. I cannot control what is said about me, which I know will still continue to happen – but what I CAN control is my reaction to it and I WILL rise above the nonsense. It’s not worth my time and effort on these kind of people. So I will let them carry on their antics but one thing is for sure, they will NOT do it my own space. 😉
Thanks for the comment and support mama!
I couldn’t agree with you more. I just don’t understand why people think it’s OK to personally attack one another on the internet. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, I applaud you for rising above it and writing a great post about the issue!!!
Karen
.-= Karen´s last blog ..It’s Hard Being 5 Months Old! =-.
Hi, I am sorry that people have been so negative towards you. I have always enjoyed reading your posts, as they have been well written and concise. You have a real talent and your followers can attest to that. It is a very healthy attitude that you have adopted, and I hope to take a page out of your book should it happen to me.
Keep your chin up!
.-= Tropical Mum´s last blog ..Crossing Off No. 20 From Her Bucket List =-.
It’s so unfortunate that there are those who feel the need to tear down anyone who is successful and viewed in a positive light. I can’t imagine what they could even say negatively about you. I admire your response, and when negative comments come my way (as I’m sure they will at some point), I hope to take your approach. You’ve shared wisdom with us today!
.-= Erin @ Closing Time´s last blog ..What Do They See? =-.
It is most definitely your space. You control it. And good for you!
If it was a random-passing nasty comment, the person likely won’t ever see this post telling them to stuff it. If you have a tried and true troll on your hands who has been making a concerted effort to make your life heck, well, this post will only fan the flames. With my tried and true trolls (as I have three now) I do not even acknowledge their presence anymore. For awhile that annoyed them more until they saw that they couldn’t get a rise out of me. And they can’t. Because it IS their problem, not mine.
All the same, I am so sorry you have experience what, sadly, is a part of the gig, as you said. Hang in there. I think you’re swell!
.-= FireMom´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.
i’ve been a reader of blogs where I’ve seen bloggers get into fights and deman each other on their blogs… so I stopped reading their blogs. It’s retarded.
It’s your blog and your opinion. I’ve had the same with my blog, and I appreciate peoples’ negative opinions. To me, it means my life is way more interesting than theirs.
cheers!
hey there lady… allow me to take a minute to step on my soapbox… *grunting*
mmkay… in my experience, the nasty “typically” comes from that lovely commenter by the name “anonymous,” which makes it that much more fun (heavy sarcasm).
there are TONS of things on my blog that are free game for discussion (if they’re not, then i close comments) and some of those are “taboo” topics. if i get hate, it’s from those who have drastically different views from mine (which is totally fine, so long as you know that you and i will have to agree to disagree in a respectful manner.)
i also get hate from those simply don’t like being called out on their crap. occasionally i’ll write a post that just calls a spade a spade… last week, this was the case with my post about williams sonoma. no one, myself included, likes being told that they MAY actually be wrong about something.
but… eh… like you said… tis YOUR HOUSE, mama.
*stepping off soapbox now and handing the mic back to you.*
well done. hang in there.
This is an issue I discuss in my book. It is amazing to me that women would attack each other in this manner. I think the internet has taken it to a whole new level. I’m sorry you are experiencing this, but I think your attitude about it is spot on!
http://thewriterrevived.blogspot.com/search/label/Mommy%20Wars
.-= Elizabeth Flora Ross´s last blog ..Reading is fundamental =-.
I am actually shocked that someone is doing that to YOU!! You and your blog are both phenomenal, and I consider you to be (and always have since I started blogging) a role model in the blog world…the blogger we all want to be when we grow up.
My guess is that the mean spirited people are having a big case of blog-jealousy going on, and putting you down seems to help build them up. I can’t for the life of me figure out any other reason why someone would want to bash you. Jealousy definitely brings out the worst in people.
I have gotten some mean comments too, and at first they were SO hard to take, and I really felt the need to defend myself. I think I’ve come to realize that there are people out there who JUST CAN’T STAND to see you succeed, and you have to try and focus your energy on the people who DO support you instead of letting the negativity bring you down. It is easier said than done though!
Women are mean enough to each other in real life…and I think that the internet just takes it a step further. They get more “ballsy” with what they will say to people because they don’t have to do it face to face.
Ok, enough of my rambling. Bottom line, I’ve got your back. And I know that MANY other people do too!!
.-= The Mommyologist´s last blog ..Mom Sexy Prom 2010 =-.
Not sure what happened chica, but I know it’s hard to ignore negativity even if it only comes from one person especially if you are dealing with other issues in life. But try not to let it bother you, like I said before dust the dirt off your shoulders!
.-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Cracked Black Pepper Biscuits =-.
The commentors are easy to remove as I have totaly control of what goes on this blog – it’s the attacks found elsewhere, mostly in “communities” and “message board forums” where all of this ensues.
Oh, YUCK! Yea, forums & message boards can be places that are just awful sometimes. I don’t get all the energy that people direct toward attacking someone else. It seems like that energy could be used to for so many better things in life.
*hugs*
.-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Blueberry Muffins =-.
GAH! When I see women do that I just click on the little ‘x’… there’s just no point in that kind of behavior. Sorry you’ve gotten ugly comments.
Do not worry. There is always a vicious traveler who has had a bad day and do not allow the same to you. Your house is wonderful and many like me enjoy it. Continue the excellent work.
=-.
.-= Miracle of Pregnancy and Parenting´s last blog ..How to Earn Money by Various Baby Customs
I hate it that BlogLand is often times very similar to my high school experience—caddy, silly, bitchy, and disrespectful. I was always lowest on the totem pole and the big nerd
I think this behavior shouldn’t be tolerated. I’m glad you are taking the high road, Heather. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m a strong believer in Karma, though. I hope it comes around to them soon!!!
oxoxoxxoxo
keep doing what you’re doing—you are AMAZING!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Mom Sexy Prom 2010 with Mary Mommyologist! =-.
Don’t let isolated, mean-spirited comments get you down. Easier said than done sometimes, especially when it continues, but your readers enjoy and appreciate you. Anyone who has to be negative clearly does not have enough to do in their own lives.
As a rule I tend to ignore the comments about me. But I have had several who have drug my faith into it, one even went so far as to inform me I needed to get rid of one of my blog buddies because of HIS comment and language, yes he cursed, he was playing with me, and I was not offended. That was the straw that broke the camels back and led to my vlogging.. with flames coming from my head. Oddly enough the negative comments have all but disappeared. Hmmm I could loan ya the flames if you like..
.-= Angel´s last blog ..Monday Minute with Ian and Brittany.. =-.
GRRRR. This makes me so angry. I’ve been fortunate, probably only for the reason that my blog is “small beans” and I don’t discuss anything terribly controversial, and have yet to have any negative comments. Somehow I know it’s a matter of time. Disagree with me…fine…GREAT. I don’t think my ego is so fragile that I can’t handle an alternative point of view. But people who turn it into a personal attack, I just don’t get it. OK, maybe I do. Like others have said, I know it’s the perfect way for the person to draw attention to themselves. I’ve had this happen to some very good blogging friends of mine and it’s so sad. It always seems to happen when they are being most genuine. I fully believe that when people have the internet world to hide behind that it becomes a no holds barred situation. They say things they’d never have the nerve to say to someone’s face…because they’d probably get a punch square in the face! How can we forget that a real person is on the other side of a blog…with real feelings. And, a big “AMEN” to the fact that your blog is YOUR space. Coming here to trash you is like someone walking into your house with a sledge hammer and knocking holes in your walls. If you don’t like something you read, then go somewhere else. UGH!!!!!
All I can say about this is…I feel you.
.-= Lee´s last blog ..Have you ever had one of those dates that just ROCK? =-.
It’s so unfortunate because everyone knows that the whole point of blogging is to vent and talk about your own opinions, and learn about other people’s etc…..and people can be so disrespectful ………Shows how immature some people really are that they could disrepect someone they dont even know. People like that live for drama and you cant comment them because no matter what you say in return they will just keep talking.
It’s just like TV…..if you dont like whats on change the damn channel and keep it movin !
GO YOU!!! Awesome response to all the people who have nothing better to do than hate for no reason!
.-= Pua´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day =-.
I can’t believe people would bash you or your blog. You don’t write about anything controversial or talk negative about anyone else. I think some people never got away from the high school drama mentality. Many times, I think the naysayers are jealous.
Good for you for taking the high road.
.-= All You Need is Love´s last blog ..Lego Chronicles – Part 4 =-.
Amen! I applaud you for coming out and declaring it. Takes guts and security!
.-= JenniferG of Hip As I Wanna Be´s last blog ..Our First “Away” Soccer Tournament =-.
Heather I think you are so right – this is your place and if people don’t like it they should just leave – not start hatefiul discussions. It is ridiculous! Ignoring them is probably best but it is so hard! I got my first nasty comments last week and it was tough because the woman was angry and I thought sahe wanted to have a discussion but I really should have just let it go. She posted on my blog and my facebook and thank goodness I had good friends on both to back me up but I was hurt!
Anyway, you rock mam so keep on truckin! I will keep coming to your house and giving you compliments!
xoxo
.-= Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..Every Little Bottom Deserves a Diaper =-.
From time to time, I get random comments on my blog when I happen to have posts on parenting issues I experience, both with my son and my stepson. These random comments are usually quite nasty, and I just delete them and move on.
It does make me angry, though, honestly.
I’ve always said that: it’s MY blog, and if you don’t like what I say, don’t read it. And certainly don’t waste your time putting in a comment that is horrid and, quite frankly, makes you look like a tool. It’s my space to write my thoughts. If you don’t agree with them, start your own blog and write YOUR thoughts. Don’t use my comment section as a platform!
I’ve been in school for a long time. I like healthy debates. I like discussions. I like exploring different viewpoints.
I don’t like bloggers who left their maturity development somewhere in the 3rd grade and behave worse than my 9 year old students.
Very frustrating, and I don’t even have that much traffic on my blog!
.-= Angela´s last blog ..i’m quite peeved with this place. =-.
I hope you have ads that pay by impression and at least you’re getting paid for their pettiness.
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Entitled? Maybe We Are =-.
You are suffering what we call Tall Poppy Syndrome. The higher you grow, the more other people want to bring you back to size. Stand tall Theta Mom – you’re doing great. Keep doing great!
.-= life in a pink fibro´s last blog ..How do you like your food? Dressed to thrill or nude? =-.
I am so disappointed to read this post, although I admire your reaction, I’m so sorry this happened to you in the first place. I’m sure you are right that it will happen to most people eventually but I’m sure it still hurts.
I suppose it’s one of the risks we take by having an open blog but at least the majority of the people are supportive and good humoured. I’m so shocked this happened to you though, you come across as being very open minded and having fair judgement. I would never have said anything I’ve read here is very opinionated – you express your opinion but you’re always open to discussion.
As you say it’s your house and I’m glad it’s open to all of us to come and visit you and read some honest posts from the heart.
Have a lovely day,
Jade
.-= Jade @ No Longer 25´s last blog ..Ten Thoughts: Useful Spanish Phrases =-.
Ay yi yi. I join in with the others in being surprised that things you write would really garner negative responses. I also don’t understand the need to leave negative comments on blogs. Here’s the way it works: You leave negative comments, you’re going to get others involved and heated. Then, the person you leave negative comments for gets more traffic. What the heck is the point of that?? I say it again- ay yi yi.
You are a strong, powerful voice in the blogging community. You are the symbol of success that many bloggers strive to achieve, precisely because you write strongly and stay true to yourself. You will always have a community following Theta Mom because of this. Don’t let them bring you down and enjoy the traffic their pettiness brings :).
I was over at a blog the other day & started reading some of this blogger’s comments–I was disgusted! I could not believe that there were people out there who would attack her like that. I don’t understand lashing out at someone because you don’t agree with what they wrote.
Trust me, I have read plenty of blog posts that I didn’t agree with or seen a few blogs where I just didn’t like anything the author had to say, so I just closed the browser & moved on!
And I’ve never read anything of yours that would seem to be controversial–I don’t get what negative things people have to say about you!
I read an article about a blogger mom who had women target her blog & they wanted to do their best to take her blog down & the best excuse they came up with was “They just didn’t think that they would like her in person.” Ummm….hello….are we in kindergarten!
So I say you go Heather! Keep up the awesome work! And I will keep reading regardless of the B’s out there!
Keep up having the right attitude!!!! Drama only gives them what they want!
.-= gigi´s last blog ..Indaway Designs Apron Giveaway! =-.
Good for you! Although I can’t imagine someone would have anything nasty to say about you or Theta Mom!
.-= Kristin @ Ellie-Town´s last blog ..Happy Summer! =-.
I’ve been blogging for almost two years and received my first negative comment a few months ago. It wasn’t even directed at ME, but was directed at my children. It’s just wrong. I deleted the comment & now moderate my comments because I have a “family” blog that is followed by my family. I can’t have ignorant people degrade that.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..Luke & Nolan’s First Birthday Party =-.