Blogging has brought so many wonderful people into my life like the many women who I have connected with on multiple levels both on this site and throughout social media. But when I received that first negative comment on my blog a few months ago I was a bit taken back. Initially, I was disappointed to find that someone would leave such a “mean” spirited comment. I am not a controversial blogger nor does my writing portray a narrow minded point of view. I always write openly and honestly about my experiences in a broad context. However, the more my blog has grown so have the negative comments and unfortunately I have come to realize – this is part of the gig.
The reason why I wanted to write about this topic is because whether you are a newbie blogger or have been blogging for years, the reality is at some point in your blogging career you will receive some negative feedback. It may be in a comment, tweet or even an email, but nevertheless it will happen. I would say it’s pretty much a guarantee.
Now I don’t expect every single person to like me or even agree with me for that matter. But what I do expect is the notion that you can share a difference of opinion within a comment in a professional and respectful manner that would actually foster a mature, direct and rather interesting discussion. But when comments are blatantly made to degrade a blog or written in just plain nastiness directly aimed at attacking the person behind the blog – which is what I have experienced recently – that’s where I draw the line.
This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.
Ironically, this also comes at a time when I have been the topic of discussion in three different communities recently and it’s now gotten to the point of sheer ridiculousness. One blogger had the nerve to link one of the obnoxious threads she started to my own community. This proved to me that in the bloggy world (just like in real life) people will continue to talk and talk is cheap.
I cannot control what is said about me but what I can control is my reaction to it. I refuse to further respond to these comments because ultimately, that’s what these “bloggers” want. They want attention any way they can get it even if that means trying to bring someone else down in the process. If I add myself to this mix I would be feeding into their drama and I have more class than that.
So if this ever happens to you, here is my advice. Ignore it. It’s not worth your time or even a justified response because you have so many more productive things to do and you are better than that. Don’t let it get you down. It is their issue, NOT yours.
And to the naysayers: You can carry on your obnoxious discussions about me and talk in circles in your own space because just as I stated in this post, I know who I am, I know what I stand for and I know what this blog is about – and so do the other 2,500+ subscribers so if you don’t get that, it’s YOUR loss. I am certainly not losing sleep over a handful of women who have nothing better to do with their time than to try and bring me down.
And in the end? I have become a more confident, self-assured blogger who will continue to rise above the nonsense.
And especially to the special group of ladies who decided to bash my name and every ounce of my blog in a very popular parenting message board recently, I thank you for linking back because I enjoyed the extra boost in traffic.
And my sponsors thank you, too.
I haven’t had to dead with negativity {yet!} in the blog world but I love your motto to rise above the nonsense. I apply a similar philosophy in my day-to-day life too. Surround yourself with people who care & support…I’m sure there are much more of those who do than who don’t.
.-= Liz McLachlan´s last blog ..…defining success. =-.
mwah! be who you are, that’s what makes a blog eye catching. but you know that don’t you.
So sorry you’ve been experiencing that. Even when you consider the sources, it still stings.
Heather, you are one of the most positive, most encouraging and supportive bloggers around. Some people can’t handle others’ successes and become intent on bringing them “down to size.” You’re awesome — glad you’re standing your ground and not allowing a small (but obviously vocal — sheesh!) group of people to take away from what you do here. ;0)
I LOVE this site. It angers me that other people have nothing better to do. Like you stated….if you don’t like it then go away! No one is forcing anyone to stay and read.
I’m nervous to receive my first negative comment. For one I take things way too personally and for two I would just be saddened by the fact that people can’t be respectful. When I’m reading a blog even if I don’t necessarily agree with something I just don’t comment. If you don’t have something nice to say then don’t say anything at all!!
Good for you for ignoring it!!! You have so many other supporters!!!
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..You know it’s a good night when you walk out of the porta potty with soap on your boob!! =-.
I don’t understand why anyone would be so mean spirited to leave a mean or rude comment. if you don’t like a blog, then don’t read it and go somewhere else.
BTW, THANKS for visiting me on my sits day and making me feel special!
Bloggy bullies suck! I agree with you 100% and would ignore them too. If they don’t like a blog/blogger, then don’t read it!!! Simple!
Loads of eyerolling here at those who were obviously never taught to respect everyone. Yes, even if you disagree, don’t quite like them, etc. There is n need for snark or name-calling. Such is life, though. Some people are stuck in the playground phase. Like that? I just made it up. 😉 stay as strong as you are!
.-= andrea´s last blog ..Books, books and more books! =-.
Wise words, girl! A dear friend once told me, “Pray for truth, confess when needed, and let God be your defense.” I have also experienced online maligning and the viciousness of fellow bloggers (though certainly not at the level you have been encountering) – I have not once regretted my choice to remain quiet and walk in faith. And, in the midst of the difficult situation, I trusted the words of Christ, “Bless those who persecute you, pray for your enemies.” It’s been tough at times to see the Lord bless those who have hurt me – but what a precious gift to see my prayers answered and my heart freed from the burden on unforgiveness and hurt.
Keep speaking out truth and encouraging others!! ((hugs))
.-= Teri Lynne´s last blog ..Choices {Psalm 119 Study} =-.
Yes! I completely agree! Recently someone left a comment on my blog telling me I am “too fat to wear stripes”. And the kicker? I AM 8.5 MONTHS PREGNANT. It was so ridiculous and rude that it actually made me laugh. Generally I just delete mean comments (and usually block the ip address who sent them), but this one was so stupidly rude that I found it hilarious, and responded to it in a sickeningly sweet way (“Thank you for your concern about my fashion…”). But really, is that how people out there are spending their time? How sad for them.
.-= Kate (This Place is Now a Home)´s last blog ..She Says… Maternity Photo Shoot =-.
It’s really a shame you’ve had to experience the negativity. I haven’t heard anything negative said about you but I also really don’t participate in message boards. I just hope you know you have way more people supporting you than trying to take you down.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..All those goodies! =-.
Wow- I had no idea this was happening to you! I’m always amazed at the cattiness out there. Good for you for rising above it all!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..100 Things I’ve Learned About Blogging =-.
From a business stand point, you will get more bees with honey! I work for a boutique that is always looking for good (reputable) places to put our products and our name. I am sure we are not alone in saying those naysayers are NOT where we would want our partnerships.
I thoroughly read and study all the blogs that I approach. Sites that are snarky, negative, and just plain rude are always nixed off the list. Keep up the good work. For bloggers trying to be profitable, build readers, and have more traffic – staying up beat and positive is the key.
I am sorry you had to deal with the negativity – what goes around comes around!!!!
when i think “class” in the blogging world or as a writer in general, i think of you theta mom. you’re doing the right thing by being respectful and not fueling their negativity and i’d never expect anything less from you. keep doing what you’re doing and yay for more traffic!!
oh and an “amen!” to this:
This is my space, this is MY house. If you don’t like it GET OUT.
.-= ericka @ alabaster cow´s last blog ..stick figure saturday: my kid, the beauty queen. =-.
I have not recieved negative comments as of yet, but that may be because I am not extremely popula…yet. I think you are seeing those people who are green with envy because you have a great blog and community. and you hit the nail on the head, you can only control your own reactions, not what other people do. unfortunately they are living their lives being jealous and unhappy…too bad for them.
.-= dina´s last blog ..Guest Post- Getting Down and Dirty =-.
I agree. If you don’t like it, leave. They’re not being forced to read or participate. So why leave a negative mark? Some people just suck.
.-= Figments of a Mom´s last blog ..We’re outta here =-.
I think that the negative Nellies are a nuisance on the internet in general. You find so many people who have nothing better to do than look for the worst in everything. I find this to be true in blogs, online communities, comments on news articles, etc. There are lots of “trolls” out there just looking for trouble.
This is why I try to make my blog a primarily positive space. I like posting about things that make me happy, and sharing that with others. And I try to look for blogs that do the same. Like yours!
AMEN! LOVE this! I have had some of those comments before and gotten flack for deleting them. They tried to tell me that it was because I did not agree with their opinion, but it was in fact because I will not allow degrading and belittling comments on my blog. If you want to post your differing opinion, feel free to do that. I know not everyone is going to agree with me. But I will not be degraded.
BTW, I may link to this post in the future.
Thank you for this! Well said.
.-= Maura Alia Badji (MoxieBee)´s last blog ..MoxieBee Guest Blogging @ Bond With Karla =-.
So very sorry that someone would take the time to spread that kind of negativity — I just don’t understand why it’s necessary…
.-= IASoupMama´s last blog ..Got My Head Up My… =-.
btw–Love your site: following/joined community.
.-= Maura Alia Badji (MoxieBee)´s last blog ..MoxieBee Guest Blogging @ Bond With Karla =-.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. The bigger the blog, the more rude (ok, BITCHY) comments… I was told to just take it as a compliment that these people find your blog to be so successful
I eventually started ignoring them & blocked anonymous commenting because that’s where the majority of rudeness was coming from.
Thank you for sharing the lessons you’ve learned from your experience with negative comments. It always frustrates me when the blog world, which has become such an idealized part of my own life, looks more like my real world.
Have you ever read Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye? In it, she writes beautifully about the ways in which some people attempt to inflate themselves by taking away the air from someone else. I haven’t seen any of the negative commentary you’ve mentioned (and would ignore it if I did!), but I suspect that the remarks were fueled in no small part by jealousy over all that you have accomplished.
.-= Kristen @ Motherese´s last blog ..Life After Yes: A Q&A with Aidan Donnelley Rowley =-.
Great post. Really well put, and couldn’t have come at a better time for me personally!
What is not to love about ThetaMom? They are just hates of a great woman.
Boo to them!!
I agree, if you don’t like it… you can hit the little x at the top right hand corner of the screen.
.-= Niki @ Ambitious Gurl´s last blog ..It’s almost vacation time! =-.
Theta Mom, first and foremost I heart you. Second, it happened to me very recently as well. The whole point of blogging with integrity is to attack ideas and not people. What happened to manners? What happened to respectfully disagreeing? What happened to the sharing of ideas? When I read something I disagree with or find offensive for any reason, I either elect not to post a comment or I comment in the most careful way I know how. Again, attack ideas and not people. We have a space where we share our thoughts and this makes us vulnerable to the haters. It is so easy to sit behind a computer and type hate without any accountability for your behavior. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m better than that. Blogging is a freedom and a responsibilty. If you disagree with something, start your own blog, spew your hate elsewhere! Sorry for the novel…
.-= Your Mommy Friend Lori´s last blog ..The Waiting is the Hardest Part =-.
I totally get this post – you, your blog, and what it’s all about. Fortunately, I have yet to deal with negativity on my blog – most of what I’ve done lately has been pretty benign and not too controversial. However, I do believe that I know what will happen if I ever DO get a negatory comment (and I know I will)… it will go the same place all the other “junk” mail does – in the trash. It is childish and ridiculous to make mean spirited and ugly comments – and certainly turns me quickly away from a blog when I see that kind of bashing going on. I visited one recently that an entire post was dedictated to bashing a certain Famous Blogger who has been on TV several times lately. Even after said blogger had been to this womans house, and enjoyed the hospitality of the blogger she was bashing – Classy eh?
.-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..30 Day Blog Journal – Day 9 =-.
I was absolutely shocked when I received my first negative comment. It was definitely left just to be mean. I did just as you recommended, and ignored it!
.-= Stefanie´s last blog ..Open Wide! =-.
There are far too many haters out there on the internet. I’m sorry you had to experience this – but am glad you are taking it in stride with a good attitude.
.-= Sarah at The Stroller Ballet´s last blog ..If you hang in there, you’ll be able to see me in a fancy dress =-.
This IS your house. Yell it from the rooftops, baby. Look what you’ve built here and in such a short amount of time. I, for one, am in awe of you. Jealousy is not a pretty color.
Wow, wow, wow! I am so sorry. Keep in mind that the positive response that you get FAR outweighs the negative. Still, it’s the negative that seems to cling to our psyches because it’s so horrid. I am sorry. You are handling it with much dignity.
On a totally different note, I made the switch to WordPress. I ended up doing on my own. Stop by when you get a chance and tell me what you think.
OMG…Im going through the same thing. Not sure if you have seen my post! I had ignored her for a very long time then, she started using my name in her blogs and tweets and turning my “friends” I had before she had against me! Shes telling lie after lie about me because I caught her. I caught her threatening me and now shes turning it on me. I wrote one post to her and she responded with a ridiculously outrageous post and I am since then ignoring her. Your absolutely right, the attention is what they want. I had just wanted to clear my name justifiably.
Of course you are by far bigger than me, and you are definitely taking the high road! Proud of you!
Their bashing proves that you are doing something more successfully than them and they can’t handle it. I know it is hard to handle but your goat is eating their grass, move on and feel sorry for them. Drew and I just refer to people like that as “player hater’s.”
Sadie at heyMamas
.-= heyMamas´s last blog ..Breakfast Crepes =-.
I didn’t know that you were experiencing any kind of drama out here. I am such a Switzerland blogger that I swear all controversy goes floating on by without me noticing. Either that, or I’m just ditzy. lol
.-= blueviolet´s last blog ..Mimic Much? – W/W =-.
Great post! I LOVE your blog! Keep doing you!
.-= Rondi´s last blog ..Nominate Your Pink Power Mom! =-.
GRRRRRR. I don’t know why but something about negative comments on a blog REALLY rubs me the wrong way! What is wrong with these people? I have read blog posts I don’t agree with 100 percent before (not yours- which I agree is very open, I can’t see how you’d really disagree with most of what you say) but I don’t feel the need to voice my opinion at all. If I really disagree the most I’ll do is mention it to my fiance and that’s it. I certainly don’t think my opinion is so important on someone ELSE’s blog that I should put them down and mention it- unless I do so in a “here’s another point of view” manner- not in a bashing of the blogger. The other thing that REALLY scares me is the fact that these people are Moms (I’m assuming…otherwise they should reconsider parenting boards haha). The fact that someone would leave a hurtful comment with their infant, toddler, 8 year old WHATEVER in the next room is disgusting to me. I hope somehow they manage to cover up what kind of people they are when raising their kids and if they don’t, I guess we can bet those are the bullies in middle school!
Really makes me mad…
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..The Secret of Life =-.
Love the blog. Frequent lurker but decided to make my presence known with this post.
I don’t know what the deal is with bashers. It’s one thing to state your opinion but another to be outright rude. Bah! I just ignore those peeps and go on about my business. Keep doing what you’re doing – it’s great!
That sucks, Thetamom. I’m so sorry this has happened. Jealousy on the part of the negative people perhaps? I will never understand why people leave negative comments…how about you just don’t read the dang blog? Chin up!!
Good for you! I have the same attitude – I remember when I got my first negative comment – (annon, of course!) thank goodness my husband was nearby and kindly suggested I just delete it. He said, don’t respond, that’s what they WANT.
I’m all for healthy discussion as well, but clearly there are some folks who just want to stir up trouble and that’s all…
there’s a name for people who blog hop purely for dramas sake – TROLLS.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)
http://www.flayme.com/troll/
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-an-internet-troll.htm
this sucks big time but i’m glad that you are OVER it. you’re one classy lady and you don’t need this nonsense. to h*ll with those b*tches…grrrrr
~ash’s mum
.-= Ash´s last blog ..Happy 1st Birthday To ME!! =-.
Sorry for your bad experience, but congratulations on rising above it and sharing your message with others. I haven’t gotten any direct negative comments yet, but I got an email just this morning that someone had unsubscribed (before I even realized I’d picked up a few), and even that stung. At least with bad comments, you know why they don’t like you!
.-= Deb´s last blog ..Vacation part 1: Mt. Washington Road Race =-.
I didn’t take the time to read the 140+ comments so this has probably been said before… but I had no idea this was even happening! That is utterly ridiculous because it’s totally unwarranted. This blog and community is amazing. Keep up the great work!
Just like in the real world, there are people in this bloggy world that are going to be this way. You are doing a wonderful job and I wouldn’t let anyone get in your way.
.-= Gen X Mom´s last blog ..Taking over your kid-8217s money -8211 is it right =-.