If I were to ask you to name some moms that were displayed on television as positive role models when you were growing up, could you do it? My response? Absolutely.
I grew up with Angela Bower from Who’s the Boss, the successful ad-executive who also happened to be single mom portrayed as a hard working woman desperately trying to make a good life for her and her young son. Maggie Seaver from Growing Pains was seen as the warm, compassionate and sometimes frazzled working mom who was very active in her children’s lives. Claire Huxtable is another good example of a mother who balanced a successful full-time career while attending to her children on The Cosby Show. Or Roseanne from Roseanne also comes to mind. Although she was far from perfect, she loved her kids more than anything else and amidst her flaws and snarky personality she was as real as it gets.
Yes, these women certainly had some imperfections but they were ‘real’ moms portrayed on American television in a positive way. If I were to ask you to name some positive role model moms on television today, well that question can’t be answered as easily.
For starters, think about The Real Housewives. I think it’s such a paradox to call this show The Real Housewives because these women live far from reality! Majority of mothers do not live with that kind of income in those kind of homes, nor are we given the same opportunities that the women on these shows display. They have nannies as stay-at-home moms to assist in the parenting department and housekeepers to help maintain the large home on a regular basis so they are free to do “other things” with their time. This isn’t the reality for most of us.
Or how about other moms that are portrayed in the media – dare I say Kate Gosselin? Take a good look at the footage from the first two years of the show. You’ll remember the mom who brought in a chef to help her learn how to cook more organically or the mom who sat down with her eight kids and did crafts with them. She was the mom who planned birthday parties, took many trips with the kids regardless of how troublesome it might have been and reveled in the small milestones they each made along the way. I was a huge Kate fan early on because I thought she always took the hardest job in the world in such stride. I marveled at how she was able to be a mother to eight children day in and day out without hesitation. In those early years, she made me want to be a better mother – I thought if Kate could do it with 8, I sure as hell better do it with 2 – and do it well.
But where is she now? She’s busy launching her new lucrative book deal, learning how to do a split and pirouette on a highly watched television show while adding some hair extensions and speaking on the talk show circuit to let Los Angeles know she is “available.” It makes me wonder how this small town girl could have gotten so wrapped up in fame that eventually would change her so much. Is she that same role model of a mother for the rest of us as she used to be in those early years? Not quite. Moreover, television producers still chase after her and I am left to wonder WHY.
Which brings me to the point – where are the ‘real’ moms? Where is the Angela Bower, Maggie Seaver, Claire Huxtable and Roseanne of today? One of my bloggy friends The Wanna Be WAHM recently wrote a great post about this topic and she referenced the article published by Hybrid Mom in which Jennifer Rawlings clearly adds, “Not since Rosanne has a television show portrayed a mom as a hard working, self assured, flawed, busy, funny, sad and sometimes pathetic human being…a real mom. And not since Rosanne has their been a television show featuring a mom that was as compelling.”
Pefectly stated.
Although I’ve heard the show Parenthood does a decent job of displaying real moms, producers need to wake-up and realize that there is such a lack of positive role models portraying real moms in television today and something needs to be done about it.
Perhaps we need to begin a Theta Mom movement and all share a piece of our blogs – because when I visit each and every one of you I know I am in ‘real’ company.
Enough said.
Ok, let’s be real. Kate is no longer a real mom. She’s a tailored reality tv star and producers will continue seeking her out because she knows the drill. She is an easy show and she has a fan base. I liked her when she was real, when she wasn’t playing it up for the cameras so much. You know, being on reality tv, the producers ask you about your feelings ALL THE TIME. All those little confessionals you see, the narration, that’s hours of sitting in front of a camera with a producer asking you your feelings, thoughts, and opinions. You can tell Kate has been programmed to think everyone cares to know everything about her Kate centered world.
I second Michelle Duggar. Although I disagree with her lifestyle, she has been the only mom on tv as of late that I have wanted to be more like. She is calm and collected. When her kids described her, they all said she was nice, compassionate, and calm. I’d rather be that than crazy and disheveled. I read up on her. She said her trick is to calm herself down by whispering if she has to.
To be honest, this blogging world has offered a lot more examples of real moms than any other media. Not only can I learn about other mom tricks, but I can intimately get to know other mom’s struggles through their triumphs and otherwise. Looking at motherhood through the blogging world is much more “real” than any scripted role a show can offer and quite frankly, I spend more time online than I do watching tv.
I have a theory moms are taking over the internet. It seems more true every day.
Did you ever watch any of the Welcome to the Motherhood videos online? Those were hilarious, real takes on motherhood.
.-= M.e.:Daily´s last blog ..Self Fulfilling Prophecies and the Nasty B’s =-.
I never heard of “Welcome to the Motherhood.” Sounds like a great title – when did it come out?
Sorry, it’s In the Motherhood. There are several episodes, but they are all very short.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkewJlZRKPo
You won’t be disappointed
.-= M.e.:Daily´s last blog ..Say it with me “Ramps are for wheels and ambulatory concerns” =-.
In general, I agree. The institution of the “reality” mom has been bad for all. It’s not good for the families involved and it sets ridiculous standards for the rest of us. I don’t have perfectly manicured nails. I do have roots. And I don’t have a pole in my bedroom. I drop off my kids without make-up and my hair in a ponytail. My house is decorated via Target and IKEA. But I love my kids and they know it.
One example on TV that I think is an improvement is Patricia Heaton on The Middle. Like Roseanne, she is not perfect but she works hard and tries her best to balance her job and being a mom.
I agree that we moms on the internet have a power that is underestimated even by ourselves. So let’s start organizing for the better!
Traci
Traci – I don’t have a pole in my bedroom either! LOL
I find so much honesty and truth when I read each of your blogs. Real women, real mothers – living in reality! TV producers should start reading the “scripts” of OUR lives because this is as real as it gets.
Thanks so much for your comment.
Hmmm I think a pole in the bedroom sounds like a REALLY good workout 😉
.-= ElleJay´s last blog ..The crazy thing is… =-.
I’ll be a “real mom” any day’! I don’t have any friends “IRL” that are moms.. but I love reading different mommy blogs and writing my own to chronicle my sons “growing up.”
.-= ElleJay´s last blog ..The crazy thing is… =-.
ElleJay – I think mom bloggers ARE the closest reality we will get to displaying “real” moms in the media which I think is partly why I love blogging so much – to connect with the very women that “get” me.
I think all of those reality moms make me feel comfortable in knowing that I am NOT one of them and that my baby will live a NORMAL life. And let’s not be too harsh on Kate. She is making money, like a single mom should be doing. She isn’t depending on her low-life ex-husband and/or the welfare checks. Can we be angry at someone who is doing probably the same thing we would do if it meant that the children had food on the table and clothes on their back? I am fortunate to be a stay-at-home mommy. She needs to work and while we hate to admit it, we are interested in her or else we wouldn’t be talking about it!
I don’t mean to sound too harsh on Kate, but I don’t think I would be choosing to be a part of Dancing with the Stars immediately following a difficult divorce when my life was all over the place. I do think she has had a taste of freedom and perhaps it has gotten somewhat out of control. Hey,maybe I would be taking that freedom too if it was a clear break from the daily grind of raising 8 kids BUT what I do know is I would need to take myself out of the media until I had some steady ground. She seems to be trying to find this balance in the midst of living in the world of Hollywood, which was the point I was trying to make.
Great post! As I was reading this I was trying to think of other “tv” moms that could be considered role models and you are right, there really aren’t any. The closet thing I could come up with was Patricia Heaton in Everybody Loves Raymond. And even then, that’s been awhile. How sad. I do think they need to have better role models….although truthfully I wasn’t a big fan of all those shows that made the dads out to be bumbling idiots either.
.-= Charlene @ adventures-in-mommy-land´s last blog ..Check It Out…..My First Interview!!! =-.
Charlene – That’s a great example, I forgot about Patricia from Everyone Loves Raymond!
I totally agree with the lack of positive mom influences! I miss those family shows where we could all sit down and learn something positive from it!
I do feel bad for Kate, she does have a lot on her plate. I do believe that she is trying to make money for her family any way she can. I still think she is doing a good job at what has to be a very hard job!
Thanks for your comment Sandy. As I mentioned in the piece, I was a huge fan of Kate early on and I agree, it really must be hard to be her right now. I can just imagine the mixed emotions and turmoil she is going through – but I think she’s trying to find some middle ground while riding the media roller coaster and I’m not sure that’s the answer.
You are spot on, as usual. It’s so sad that there are currently no real role models for moms. I turn to my close friends, my internet/bloggy friends, and my own mother.
We need to turn this around. I want my girls to have reasonable role models, too….I’m scared for them right now.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Pouring My Heart Out (About Chicken Nuggets, Jazzercise, Earth Day, Big Macs, and Jillian Michaels) =-.
Well stated!!
The mom I’m in love with on TV is the mom in theTLC show, Table for 12. She has three sets of multiples and one that is severely handicapped. She doesn’t hide the fact that she’s not perfect, her house is not always clean, she doesn’t have perfect and that she doesn’t always do the right thing. But she is a real mom that shows the ups and downs of motherhood and loves her kids!
I use to watch Jon and Kate, but now I feel leaving Kate was the SMARTEST thing that Jon every did!! She makes me SICK!! Why people keep watching her, I’ll never know…
http://www.frugalstractormom.blogspot.com
I’ve never seen that show, I’ll have to check it out!
Great post. In general, there are no good role models on television for kids…let alone in most of society. It makes our job that much harder. Where and why did everyone leave their values behind? Thank goodness there are still some REAL MOMS out there. Hopefully it will start to catch on, and we get back to what’s really important. Thanks for starting the conversation.
.-= Maria Karamitsos´s last blog ..Don’t Forget Where You Come From – You Should Be Proud =-.
Thanks for your comment Maria. I think it does make our job harder and we all know the media to some degree influences our kids – that’s why I wish there was at least one good family show that we could all engage in again.
Great post! I have to second Patricia Heaton from The Middle as a great mom role model. I cannot tell you how many times I watch that show and start to look around my house for the hidden cameras.
Overall, I think reality TV has ruined our entire society. That might sound harsh, but what kind of people open their entire existence to a camera 24/7? Normal people don’t do these things. People who are looking for something do it.
I’m on a reality TV sabbatical. I won’t even watch Biggest Loser and that was my final hold out. Oh wait, I am addicted to reality crime shows. I cannot get enough Snapped! lol
Maybe a media campaign via our blogs will lead to more positive role models for women…Just a thought.
My thoughts exactly Susie. I think part of the reason I love to blog so much is the interaction between REAL moms – the ones right here!!!
Have you every watched “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” or “I remember Mama” – back in the days when Hollywood “artistis” tried to create real life America? Today, Hollywood is blinded to real-life America, its values and its needs. Even magazines miss it. And book authors for children miss it. However, real America gets it and The Blogahood is Real America – at least the Blogahood where the moms are hanging out as they (we) struggle to be the best moms possible – even though the best mom is not necessarily glamorous, have dishes piled in the sink, have children who sometimes make bad choices and moms turn those bad choices into learning moments to step off into better moments.
What a wonderful post and a wonderful prompt!
.-= bluecottonmemory´s last blog ..$1 per Question – what’s it worth to ya! =-.
Amen Blue Cotton Memory! “Even though the best mom is not necessarily glamorous, have dishes piled in the sink, have children who sometimes make bad choices and moms turn those bad choices into learning moments to step off into better moments.” <—–Thank you for that!
Oh, but I’m too tired to stand up! Can I just sit down and raise my hand?) My schedule is exhausting!
.-= bluecottonmemory´s last blog ..$1 per Question – what’s it worth to ya! =-.
I honestly don’t look at the TV for role models. I look at the real people around me.
.-= Niki @ Ambitious Gurl´s last blog ..Building relationships =-.
I do too, Niki but I just wish there was some decent family shows that we could really enjoy again.
You have such a good point. I’m not really drawn to the sitcoms like I used to be, but you’re right about there being a lack of good role models. Everyone is either divorced, cheating, losing their minds, killing somebody, or even planning mass genocide. Times have indeed changed.
Maybe we need to write a screenplay loosely based on our lives. I’m in…
Be well,
Kellie
.-= KellieS´s last blog ..Quantum Jumping: An Unusual Journey =-.
Well said- I don’t even watch much TV any more as there just isn’t anything worth while or “real” anymore to watch. And so true about Kate Gosselin- if only she could see what she has done to herself and her children, too bad the $$$$ sign is all she sees now adays.
.-= Brodie´s last blog ..There Was Once A Potato- Book Review =-.
I’m real! If I had a TV show you’d see that for sure. And I am not a big TV watcher, don’t get me wrong, I would love to be, but just don’t have time. But I was thinking about Parenthood and then when I looked down I saw you referenced it too! I saw 2 episodes and know a little about it. And they have one of the families go through an Autism diagnosis so it spoke to me. But I didn’t really like how they portrayed that too much. But that is a whole ‘nother discussion…
.-= Mommy To Two Boys´s last blog ..My Brother Charlie Book Review AND Giveaway! =-.
I just read your post. I do not agree with it. I don’t think that neither Desperate Housewives or the Kate + 8 shows are really shows that children should be watching or can even be compared to those shows back in the late 80″s. There were plenty of popular shows in the 80’s depicting “mothers” in non-traditional roles (Dallas, Dymasty, etc) just as there are today children’s shows with parents more like the ones you mention from the 80’s (Wizards of Waverly Place for example). I think that because YOU are following Kate Gosslin’s life or watch the Desperate Housewives you are automatically assuming that these are supposed to be “family shows”. They’re not. And I think that’s what the problem is. I think parents like to find excuses or put the blame on other’s for their inadequacies in positive parenting. Sorry!
Lisa – My point was that there are no sitcoms on television that depict the family and it’s values like there was back in the 80’s. Of course I my children don’t watch The Real Housewives, but I used this show as an example in the post because this is what television has turned into – “reality” tv but it is FAR from reality. Kate was also involved in a reality show, so this is why I used her as another example.
It’s obvious that there is a lack of any real “family” oriented shows that I could sit down and watch with my kids, but none come to mind and if you read through the comments, nobody else could suggest one that displays this kind of unit either.
I am not putting blame on anyone – I am simply stating the facts that tv is not what it used to be, especially when it comes to programming for my kids.
Sorry, I don’t mean to be offensive, but as a teacher I constantly see parents complaining instead of taking action when it comes to raising their children. The best mom and dad role models for your kids are the ones you yourselves provide at home, not what they watch on TV. You shouldn’t be looking in TV shows to provide your kids with positive role models. I personally don’t think kids should even be watching that much tv to begin with.
Lisa – No offense taken. This is why I love blogging – I enjoy a different viewpoint. And as a teacher myself, I completely agree with you. WE should be the role models in their lives. Absolutely! But, I can’t hide the fact that the media WILL TRY to influence my kids (not now – my son is only four) but as he gets older, I would much rather watch The Cosby Show with him than the choices that are available now and that was the point I was trying to drive home – there are no other choices and maybe there should be.
Just wanted to chime in just for a bit here – I know that there is a difference in points of view regarding what’s a good model for our kids here, but I don’t look out for good TV role models for my daughter; it’s more for myself.
Having grown up in a different culture with a mom who’s raised me wonderfully, but in a method that works better in our culture than the one here, I’ve looked outwardly for inspiration, and unfortunately, TV/visual media, with its larger-than-life influence on our society, has been one of the sources I seek.
I don’t parent my child according to what all TV moms, but getting good ideas is not a bad thing. I remember watching the Gilmore Girls and hoping for a relationship like that with my daughter. Sure it’s not often realistic, but I don’t think it’s bad that we have a goal we strive towards, even if the source of that is TV. There are quality programs out there, and just like we should be discerning with what our kids watch, we should do the same with ourselves.
.-= Justine´s last blog ..Plan B. =-.
The moms you described were the same ones I grew up with – and I do miss seeing them on TV these days. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been watching them as much.
I do agree that Parenthood is a decent example of a real mom – a near Theta Mom, if you will. And dads too. We’re fans in our house.
.-= Justine´s last blog ..Plan B. =-.
I miss the good ole days of television too. I liked shows that taught family values as well, like Little House on the Prairie. I never watched it without crying. Parenthood is great if you haven’t checked it out yet. Hope you are doing great!
.-= clueless mama´s last blog ..Aren’t you Proud of us? =-.
I acutally just wached Parenthood for the first time last night – and I am hooked! What an awesome show! My DVR is set from now on!
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Scentsy Review and Giveaway =-.
This is an excellent post and one that got me thinking: there are no television shows (reality or otherwise) that mirror my life. Maybe that’s why I don’t really watch anything besides Food Network (ha!) because I cannot relate on any level to these sitcoms or dramas. I am a single parent who works outside the house and for the love of all that is holy, it is HARD! I would love to see something that resembles real life reflected back at me from good, quality television but I haven’t – not in a long time. Is it wrong that Roseanne is the last one I can relate to? Grumpy, overstretched, overtired, just trying to get by? YUP! Sign me up. Great post!!
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Dreams =-.
Thanks so much for your comment Wendy – I’m glad you were able to relate to this post. When you sit down to think about the programming that’s available to us especially our kids – it makes you wonder, right?
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Scentsy Review and Giveaway =-.
Hallelujah! I completely agree with the statement about Rosanne. I actually do like Parenthood. It is somewhat ‘real’. Theta is definitely where it’s at
.-= The Grown-Up Child´s last blog ..Parental Alienation Awareness =-.
I read Wannabe WAHM’s piece too and it did give me pause. We’re suffering from a similar dearth of ‘real mums’ on British telly. The best our reality TV seems to have to offer is Jordan aka Katie Price – if you’ve never experienced her, I can only describe her as Pam Anderson on steroids.
She’s constantly credited as a strong, ambitious woman and voted Mum of the Year. Her kids obviously love her but her life hardly reflects that of the average UK mama. But in the end I question whether I really want my kids (or myself) looking to TV for role models.
.-= Babes about Town´s last blog ..Tearless Teething: Win a Free Necklace! =-.
Pam Anderson on steroids – I totally get the picture! lol
And I have to agree, I don’t look to tv for role models either, but it would be nicer to see Angela Bower than some of these other tv “moms.”
Just a response to your response to my earlier comment–there’s no doubt that a great deal of what’s seen on TV anymore is clearly not high in moral value. And some of it is questionable just in terms of entertainment value. So the question you have to ask yourself is…why do we watch the stuff? When our kids were little we played TONS of table games. Folks don’t do that much anymore. But we lived somewhere (Africa) where we didn’t have any TV to watch. And we read books all the time. The second we went back overseas we took a TV, DVD player and tons of movies to watch. They were mostly good movies but why didn’t we just stick to the table games and books? I can’t answer the question. It’s easier I guess mentally just to watch and be entertained than to exercise some brain power to become engaged mentally. A sad commentary indeed.
.-= Diane Prouty´s last blog ..Movies that changed how I live my life. =-.
I LOVE Kate LOL.. I know I am rican and we are crazy but anyways LOL…. I think her doing dancing with the stars she made 200,000 to do the show. I would offer myself but who wants to see my fatt butt up there LMAO…… ya not happening.
I LOVE Patricia Heaton in the middle -HILARIOUS…. Back in the day the only real mother I could relate with was Roseanne. They didn’t have alot of money and disfunctional but she really LOVED her family so much that she would do anything for them. THEY were both hard workers. etc.
The huxtables I loved watching but couldn’t relate to.
I LOVE the duggars mom.. ok she is so calm.. with a bazillion kids and I only have four LOL and I am a HOT mess.
I don’t know I think there are alot of real mothers who possess different characteristics that is their normal.
I DONT know I come from a very diverse family and neighborhood. But it is a good question. NOW I am really perplexed LMAO
ROCK on mommas! Miss ya.. and miss your blog.
.-= Grissell´s last blog ..Finding the self confidence within ME…… sometimes is hard but I think I am getting there =-.
OK I just reread my comment …. total grammar nightmare… LOL…… sentence structure is a mess please don’t use your red pen LOL…. sorry I am tired my brain is cursing me out right now
.-= Grissell´s last blog ..Finding the self confidence within ME…… sometimes is hard but I think I am getting there =-.