Forbes Woman and The Bump released results of a cobranded survey recently that tries to answer the question of when it is the “ideal” age for women to have their first baby as well as balance a successful career. I would love to start this conversation with the readership of Theta Mom. When do you think it’s the ideal age to start a family? I personally don’t think there is ever a “perfect” time, but I do think women can find a time in their lives that would work better than others…
I was 29 when I had my first child. I knew there were a few things I wanted to accomplish as an individual before I even thought about becoming a mother. I knew once I graduated college that I wanted to immediately begin working in the field and establish myself in the profession. So within my first year of landing a full-time teaching position, I went back to school part-time to earn my graduate degree (knowing that I would eventually at some point want to advance in my career) so earning that degree was a necessity. In the meantime, I met my husband but before I even made plans to get married I knew I wanted to complete that graduate degree.
Once I earned my MA and we were married I also knew I wanted to travel, for once I started a family I knew this would be much more of a challenge. My husband and I were lucky enough to be able to take trips to Europe, The Caribbean, as well as other parts of this country. We really got a chance to travel quite a bit in our early married life.
Having said that, I also wanted to enjoy our time together as a married couple because I knew once we had children that part of our relationship would drastically change, such as the small freedoms of eating out whenever we felt like it; being spontaneous and not having to make plans well in advance because we could just get up and go – that kind of stuff. I knew that if I had children before I began my career, earned my MA or traveled some with my husband, I might have regretted it so I did not even think about having a baby until those other dreams of mine were fulfilled. This was truly a personal decision.
I must also admit that I was very selfish and self-centered in my early twenties. Quite frankly, I was VERY into myself so I can’t even imagine having to take care of another human life at that time in my life. In my early twenties I was really not emotionally ready to care for anything other than myself, let alone a child. As I matured and grew as a woman and individual, I believed that when the time was right when both my husband and I were emotionally and financially ready to raise a child it would happen. And I am truly blessed because that’s exactly how it turned out for me.
If you wait to start a family until you have a bigger house, more money or a better job, the reality is you’ll probably be waiting for a very long time because you’ll never have “enough” money or that “perfect” job. I think the ideal age to become a mother really depends on each woman’s individual goals and aspirations, as well as where she is in her life. Some women are not as career oriented and/or do not go to college (for various reasons) and their one dream is to have that baby – so for these women, having children in their early twenties would make sense.
On the flip side, women who are driven by their career end up waiting until they are in their mid to late thirties to start a family, as they are trying to establish themselves in the professional world. So when you think of it this way, there really is no cookie cutter answer to the question. I believe it really boils down to each woman’s preferences and life experiences/choices. However, if you throw in some curve balls of infertility or unplanned pregnancy, well that’s a whole other variable to add to the equation…
You can read the full article at ForbesWoman here and view all of the results from that cobranded survey here. Cited directly from the Forbes Woman article, below are some of the findings quoted from that survey:
- “Non-moms and women in their 30s are more likely to think 30-34 is the ideal age, while women in their 20s are more likely to think 25-29 is the preferred age.”
- “35% of moms who had their first child at 30 to 34 wish they had their child at a younger age and 57% of moms who had their first child at 35 to 39 also wish they had their child at a younger age.”
- “62% of women surveyed feel that motherhood negatively impacts a woman’s career. Yet, only 30% of working moms felt this way.”
Now, I would love to hear your stories and for you to share some insight into this very hot topic. When did you become a mom and what do you think is the “ideal” age to start a family?
I agree there is so many variables and things to thing about. Some people are not mature enough or ready while others are. Each woman has different dreams and ideas for their lives. I always knew God’s plan for me was to become a mother. I felt it in my heart and did not feel complete as a person until I became a mother. It just clicked and felt like my purpose. I have my first at 23 and my second just 4 days after turning 25. I want 4 and plan to be done before I turn 30. I felt like the timing was great for me and my husband. We just moved to a place we loved, bought a house, and had a couple of years married together under our belt.
.-= Heather McD´s last blog ..Win It Wednesday- Link Up =-.
We started young. I was 22 and my then fiance was 24 when BC pills failed us. It was a shock but I knew that we could handle it. And we did. We are still together after 20 years…not without some bumps in the road. We were poor the first few years of her life and our marriage but we loved. When we had our son when she was nearly 11, our family was complete. People thought we were crazy for “starting over” but we truly love being parents and our son took a lot longer to conceive than we planned. This is our life. Moral: there is no perfect age to start a family. Sometimes you can plan it or sometimes it just happens. However, it is the most amazing adventure you will ever embark on.
.-= Kerry´s last blog ..Kerry – Before and After =-.
I had m y son a few days before turning 32. I had time to have a career, time with my husband (we waited a year before TTC) after we got married, have traveled, etc. The only draw back to waiting till you are in your 30s is that you time with you LO is that much less. And now there is a bit more pressure to try for #2 because my husband turns 37 this year, and we dont want to wait too long.
.-= Harmskills´s last blog ..Wishlist Wednesday: Sappy Mommy =-.
I wasn’t able to read the comments, but I wanted to put in my two cents. I got married when I was 18 (yes I know I was young, but I was ready and it was completely right for me), and I got pregnant right away. I was not ready, and I was a little terrified. I had a miscarriage when I was just over three months. It was difficult and painful, but that experience helped me decide that I didn’t want children until I was older. I ended up waiting another four years–I had my first when I was just about to turn 24.
My husband and I were able to travel together, graduate from college, and work for a little while before we had kids. I am so glad I waited. That being said, I don’t think there’s any ideal age for kids–i think it’s more of an ideal frame of mind, one in which you can understand that you don’t come first anymore. It took me five years to learn how to be unselfish, and when that lesson was learned, I was ready for children.
Thanks for the post!
.-= alexis´s last blog ..a poll, a song, and a wish. =-.
I became a mom at 23 yrs old and would not have changed it for anything! My journey to children was not easy as we have had 10 miscarriages between our 3 kids and if we had not tried to have kids as early as we did, it might not have happened for us. We were totally ready and had been together for over 5 years already.
I think there are a few different definitions for “ideal age”. We know that fertility chances drop the older we get – so there is the ideal age that way… but the other definition is the ‘ideal to be ready’ age which i think most ppl would say is around 3oyrs old.
It really is subjective and different for each person and/or couple.
.-= Accustomed Chaos´s last blog ..Product Review: Readeo {plus coupon code} =-.
There is no ideal age to become a mom just like there is no perfect time to have kids. I don’t want to spend my time thinking that the grass is greener either. I’m teaching the boys right now a saying that’s really working so I’ll pass it along too…”you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit, but most of all say THANK YOU.” I’m sorry that sounds so grumpy, maybe I should have another cup of coffee. I’m just thankful for the wisdom and experience I gained before having kids because I’m not so sure I’d be capable of handling this life as well otherwise.
I had kids at 29, 30 and 35. Married at 24. And it’s all worked out for me … I do think here are some pwople who start to young … but then again, if it works then so be it.
I became a mom at 32 and it was, at the time, the perfect age for me. Looking back now, at almost 39, I kind of feel like I ran out of time to have the second. It’s my own fault really but time was not on my side. Part of me wishes I had had two very close together and gotten through that part of it. Now, my son is 6 and I just dont’ want to deal with the feedings and sleeplessness and diapers all over again. But I guess everything happens for a reason.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..Who Are You? =-.
I “waited” until 29 but in my case it was not really waiting for it to be the right time, it was waiting for my body to be healthy enough and then for a miracle to happen since I was not supposed to be able to have a child. In retrospect, I am glad that I did not have a child earlier because my perspective on many things would have been VERY different. I ran two marathons before childbirth—something I am not sure I will ever be able to do again—I was able to pick up and go whenever I wanted. Now—here is the tricky part for me. My daughter is 5 and now spends one week with me and one week with her dad—as we are divorced—and wow, a week is a long time. But the week “off” makes me realize something—being a mom is also about knowing what it takes to keep you going on the inside- so that you can be a good mom on the outside. I am not sure I would have truly ever internalized that unless it had been for the divorce. Now, newly re-married I am approaching 36 and I feel the internal time clock ticking. Unsure of whether we will try or not, I want us to be able to enjoy this new time in our lives, and find a way to help my daughter feel that she is a part of it all….so maybe it is too soon…or then again…who knows?
29- 30-25–40—as long as you are truly prepared to see the big picture and take each day as a new adventure…. maybe that is the “ideal” time?
.-= A Day in the Life´s last blog ..My turn… =-.
I was married and had my first child at 18. Way too young for me, of course at the time, I thought I had it all figured out. One husband and three children later, I had my last child at 32, much better.
There is no ideal age (IMO) One person may be ready at 25 while another may be ready at 19. It is all about maturity and whar works for them,
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..I Bet This Has Never Happened To You =-.
I agree with you. There isn’t a “perfect age” but I think all women should be a little more open minded and avoid the extremes. Meaning, if all you want to do is get married right after high school and have babies then you may miss out some wonderful opportunities if you had just waited a few years. On the other hand, if all you think about is your career and what you want to do then you may wait too long and end up unable to conceive or have other problems with your pregnancy. We shouldn’t be so focused that we can’t see other possibilities ahead of us.
Personally, I wanted to do a lot before having children. I wanted to start my career, travel, be married for a few years, be in a better financial situation, etc… I met my husband in college, got married before I really started my career and found out I was pregnant only 3 months into our marriage! Sometimes life is funny! But I regret NOTHING. I am so happy things turned out this way because I would have been missing out on some awesome experiences!!
.-= Mandi Miller´s last blog ..Leisure Time =-.
Hello Theta Moms!
So much of being a mom is knowing what to do for yourself so that you can be the best person for your kids. On that note, I don’t believe there is a magic age to have kids. Rather, it is individual to each woman/ couple.
I am a young mom. I had my daughter at 21 and my son at 26. Although I would not advocate to anyone to have children so young as 21. I will say that it was a very grounding for me. Although I was in college, I was coasting through, without a specific goal. The clarity I had after having my first child steered me toward pursuing my passion and inspired purpose throughout all faucets of my life. I was never a selfish person. In fact, I was quite the opposite and actually inhibited my own growth by worrying too much about the people around me. Parenting has taught me to get over that fast!
It could be said that I was so young that these personal developments were bound to happen anyway, but I don’t know how long that would’ve taken. I was pretty aimless and starting a family gave me the direction I needed.
For me and my husband, having our daughter was the invitation of great purpose, balance, love, and happiness. We’ve had to work very hard to overcome the obstacles of child rearing while starting our careers, but we couldn’t be happier.
.-= M.e.:Daily´s last blog ..Bountiful Cheer and Applause! Walking Straight Forward =-.
I was 31 (five days from 32) when I had my son and 34 when I had my daughter. Now, at 36.5 we are struggling to conceive our third. For me, I wasn’t ready to have kids until my hubby (who swore he was ready for six years before we had them) was able to come home from work and say, “Gee… I don’t want to spend my entire life at work. I want something more!” Then I was ready. I wasn’t prepared to bring kids into the world with a partner who wasn’t in it 100%. And he is — he’s a super awesome dad. Our philosophy is that either of us can do everything and anything with the kids, except for breastfeeding. They preferred me to do that.
.-= IASoupMama´s last blog ..You Want It, You Got It =-.
I was 29 when I got married and then, 35 when I had my daughter and 36 when I had my son. Wish I could say it was because I was busy building a grand career, or traveling the world, etc. But alas, it was not. I never intended to be “so old” when I had kids, but that is just how it happened for us. I would MUCH rather of had kids in my 20’s, simply because I don’t want to be the OLD Mom. However, that being said, I think that for everyone it is completely different and an intensely personal choice.
Is there ever a right of perfect time to have kids? I don’t think so. The only thing I would say definitively is….you should NOT be having kids as teenagers, and even up to 21. You just have sooo much learning, growing and life experiencing to do. Don’t put a child into that mix too early, because as we all know, it is HARD, exhausting, wonderful work to be a parent.
.-= Allyson´s last blog ..Post it note Tuesday =-.
I don’t know if there is a perfect age to have a child. I think it is different for everyone. I had my little guy when I was almost 27. I think no matter what age you are you are really never ready. You never know what to expect until you have your own child.
.-= Pres. Kathy´s last blog ..I am exhausted – in a good way! =-.
My parents always told us kids that we had to be out of undergrad in order for them to pay for it. If we got married before we graduated then we were accepting the responsibility of adulthood, therefore we could foot college tuition. I took them up on the free ride (wasn’t interested in being married at that point anyways.) I travelled the world, met my husband on one of those awesome trips, we were married a year after meeting. We said we wanted to wait 4-5 years before we had children that way we could hang out. ha! Sixteen months after our wedding, we were pregnant! It was the hardest thing to adjust to, but it was perfect! But we are hoping to wait at least 2 years for baby #2 b/c I am determined to finish my masters first! Great post today!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Holy Crow Batman! We did it! =-.
I had my first baby at 24. I LOVE my child, and being a mom more than anything. However, being a mom is the biggest responsibility. I knew it would be, but I don’t think I could comprehend HOW big of a responsibility it would be. I always want to be the best parent I can be, and in doing so, have to give up a lot. We all have to do that as mothers. I wouldn’t trade it for the world of course….
I think the best time to have a baby is late twenties. You can be an adult for awhile, grow up a lot, get “party time” out of your system, and figure out who you REALLY are, and what you want to contribute to this world as a person. We all know it’s a little harder to get some quality “soul searching” in, when that sweet bundle of joy needs you. 😉
Great discussion!!
.-= Gerber Days´s last blog ..Killing two birds with one stone. =-.
I want to say something else… I already left my comment but I keep thinking about it…
Honestly, if you are having sex then you need to be prepared for motherhood. Sometimes birth control fails and the unexpected happens. Because my husband and I got pregnant only 3 months into our marriage we tell other couples that you need to keep the possibility in the back of your mind because if you are having sex then you might get pregnant. I was a little more ready for a baby than my husband was so it took him a while to get used to the idea. (He is an awesome Dad by the way!) We also know other couples who put their hope in Birth Control and had a hard time dealing when they found out they were pregnant.
My husband and I mentor teens and college students. We tell them all the time to remember if they aren’t ready to have a child then they don’t need to have sex… and if they are in a serious relationship and thinking about marriage but they are dead set against having kids for a while then they may need to think twice about marriage too. There is always a chance of getting pregnant… it happens all the time.
There is no right age to become a mom… (except being a teenager) but anytime you have sex you need to be aware that it “could” happen! : )
.-= Mandi Miller´s last blog ..Leisure Time =-.
“I think the ideal age to become a mother really depends on each woman’s individual goals and aspirations, as well as where she is in her life.”
this is so true. i know i’m young (25 with a 9 month old) but our situation is a little different than other people our age. we’re college educated, are financially set (we own a lucrative business), have a great support system so if we want to have a date night or a quick weekend getaway at the drop of a hat ava is all set with her loving grandparents and we have very focused goals for ourselves and our family.
that being said, i’m generally against people in their early to mid-twenties having children. i know too many people who don’t know what they want in life and i think you have to have your priorities in line before ever committing to child. it’s a huge commitment and responsibility, one that my husband and i take VERY seriously.
interesting post!
.-= ericka @ alabastercow´s last blog ..my cop out post =-.
Besides being at a good place in life and being economically set, I also think your personality influences when the right age is.
Some women in their 20’s may like to live a lifestyle that doesn’t go with having baby. Maybe they like to party, go out a lot, things of that sort. That doesn’t mean they’re not suit to have a baby but maybe because of their lifestyle they don’t want one. until later. I’m in my 20’s and I have always had priorities on career and school. I didn’t mind missing parties, doing what others where doing. I’m providing for my baby and have almost accomplished having a career. Some say you miss out on things if you have a baby young, but what if you never liked those “things” to start with??
.-= Life in High Heels´s last blog ..Time to bake cookies; Mickey Mouse Cookie Cutter Giveaway! =-.
I had my first at 29….My husband and I spent the first three years of marriage having FUN!!!…. I think that each woman knows when it’s the right time….Hugs!!!!
.-= Raising Normal Kids´s last blog ..Who are you??? =-.
I was 25 when I had my oldest and 34 when I had my baby girl. The plan was to have our kids a few years apart, not 9! But that did not happen. We had actually given up on having another baby. We agreed we was blessed to have our son and if that is all God wanted us to have, we was ok with that. Then a few months later I found out I was pregnant.
Great post Heather
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday: The Past Still Hurts =-.
I gave birth to my first and only child (so far) shortly after I turned 31. I didn’t even plan to have children until my mid-to-late 30’s, but the timing worked out best for me. I was able to complete two graduate degrees and travel extensively throughout my 20’s, even going to South America while I was pregnant. I knew it might be much more of a challenge to do the things we love, such as traveling and going out all the time, after having a child and that our priorities would shift drastically.
I’m glad I took advantage of my 20’s and waited until I was finished with my education, had two careers, and was financially secure before I started my family. When I’m ready to go back to work, I have my career waiting for me, even if it might take a bit of time to catch up.
I don’t judge other women for when they decide to have children because it really depends on the woman and her situation. I say whatever works best for her and her partner is the best time, whether it’s 22, 32, or 42. However, it’s always a good idea to be as prepared as possible and be in a good place in your life before introducing a child into your world.
-Aimee
.-= Aimee @ Ain’t Yo Mama’s Blog´s last blog ..KaBOOM! Bringing Play Back To Children =-.
As I read your post I felt like I was reading about myself, minus a few details here and there. I also wanted to establish myself in my career before having children, that way I had something to come back to. I am an elementary school teacher, taught for 5 years, had my baby, and am set to go back to work in one month (sigh). I was married for 5 years before getting pregnant which gave us a lot of time as a couple to do things. I also felt I was way too selfish in my early and mid-twenties to have a baby…I liked “me” time too much. Now that I have Avery (4 months) I do wish a bit that I had started earlier because since having her I feel like I want to have more than the 2 I always imagined. Being 30 now I worry about having kids into my late 30’s. I do not think there is a “perfect” age…it is all dependent on the woman and their chosen lifestyle. Great post and super topic. Kudos!
.-= Raising Avery´s last blog ..Day Care Part 2 =-.
It has been interesting to read some of the responses. I too was in my late twenties when we had our first child. At 29 our daughter was born, than 26 months later I birthed our son.
My view on the topic is, God is the author of life and death. His timing is perfect. I wanted to be married before getting pregnant for sure. My hubby is 7 yrs older than I. I was married to my husband for 3 yrs before we gave pregnancy a serious look. We didn’t have trouble getting pregnant so it pretty much happened right away after consideration. I’m married to a lawman who was inf the academy before family expansion. That’s just the way things worked out for us.
I don’t think there is a set age that woman should get pregnant and have babies or adopt. I think it’s up to each individual to make the decision based upon what will be best for the children in the long run, taking account lifestyle. Life happens & everyone matures at different times. One thing I’m not hot on is children having children. I have a friend in her 40s who just had a baby – she married late. To each their own
Since there is no playbook on parenting, cheers to diversity & the adventure we all share.
.-= Rebecca´s last blog ..A Number in Reach =-.
In my ideal world (I thought, when I was a teenager), I would get married when I was done with college and have my first kid at 24 or 25. With that being said, I didn’t meet and marry my husband until I was 27 so obviously these things don’t always go according to “plan” anyway. (BTW, not saying I had a “plan” . . . more that when I was young and naive I thought there was no reason this wouldn’t work out for me this way!)
So I was married a week after I turned 27 and got pregnant 3 months later.
It was not an accident, but it was also not a plan. We knew when we got married that by entering into a sexual relationship that children were a possible result. We were ok with that and desired to have children together so this timing (though quick and not “planned”, was not unwelcome nor was it a surprise).
I think that Mandi is right. I mentored teens for a number of years before I had my daughter and still have relationships with many of them as young adults. I tell them the same thing. I don’t care what the percent effective rate says on your birth control pills or whatever contraception you’re using. Having sex is step one to achieving pregnancy and the only barrier method that is 100% effective is NOT HAVING SEX, so you better be “ready” if you choose to do so.
This is getting long, but I want to end this by saying I have loved being a mom from the second I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and only wish I had children a teense younger because I feel like my body might have bounced back a bit faster. 😉 What is it about those young moms that can still wear a bikini after giving birth?!
.-= Skooks´s last blog ..7 Things About Me and Another Award =-.
I have to agree. When I was younger, I always thought that would be the ideal age, since it would mean that my children would be grown and on their own relatively early.
Now in my mid-thirties, I’m glad that I waited! I was so selfish back then and I would have missed out on so much… so many learning experiences that have made me a better person and a more responsible, giving person which makes me much better “mom” quality today than I ever could have been back then.
.-= Gilliauna´s last blog ..What you should know about Brainstorming =-.
Oh … and happy belated SITS- I’m now following you- stop by my place when you can 😉
We kind of waited to get the bigger house. I was 27 and 30 when I had my children. We had been married for 7 years by then.
.-= Debby´s last blog ..TAKE A SEAT =-.
I agree that there is no “perfect” time to have children. No matter when you have kids you are going to miss out on something, but in return you are getting the chance to me a mom and there is no life experience that can take the place of that.
In my own personal opinion, if you are married by the age of 25-27 you should just start trying to have babies
Who knows how long it will take you to acutally get one and if you are one of the few lucky ones to get preggo right away, than consider yourself blessed that you don’t have to go through the stress of infertility.
My only comment would be to those very young girls (<18) who think they want kiddos in or right out of high school. (I just watched Pregnancy Pact on Lifetime) Having kids is very hard work and if you are not mentally and emotionally ready for a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week, live in job, then you are not ready for a baby. Take some time to enjoy being young, just don't 'play' so long that you find you have missed your window of opportunity.
I had my son at 33, for many of the same reasons that you state in your post. I got my MA first, in 2004, and got married in October 2005 (I was 30). We decided to wait for a year before trying to conceive, and bought our house at the beginning of 2007 while we were first trying. We found out that we had fertility issues in spring of that year, and it took until Feb 2008 to conceive our son. He was born in November, 2008. Now he’s 17 months old, and I am definitely not ready for another one yet. Should we choose to have another child, we would likely choose to adopt this time. Ideally, I’d like to do it before I’m 40, but after my son is old enough to follow directions, use the bathroom alone, and understand some of the basics of adoption. Two children would be plenty for me.
I think I’m a much better parent for having waited until I was ready. My son can be my focus, and I don’t have to wonder what my life would have been like. I know that I’m being the best parent I can be to him, and that’s so important to me.
I couldn’t wait to get pregnant! The hubs was not exactly on board at first but we both decided that if it happened, then great and if not then it wasn’t our time. Well the first time that we tried, it worked. I swear he has super sperm. We were only 4 months into being a married couple too. We both new that we would love being a parent but sometimes I do wish that we would’ve waited, but then I may not have had my beautiful little Peanut! My mom had me when she was 26 and I also had my daughter at 26. I think that was a good age for me. My SiL is actually having her first child and she will be 28 when my niece is born. They wanted to wait a couple of years until they both had good jobs and it worked for them. I guess there really is no perfect age. It just depends on the couple.
I became a mom at age 33, after 4.5 years of trying to conceive, and being told it was impossible (ended up conceiving on our own). We were married almost 9 years when we had our first daughter, and I was 10 months cancer free when I conceived too. Quite the journey! And to top it off, baby was born 10 week preemie and spent 8 weeks in NICU. We chose to wait 4 years to start to try because we knew we were not “financially ready” (are we ever?) but I am really glad that it took as long as it did because I would not have changed the growth in our marriage after 9 years for nothing, and I would not have wanted to go through cancer with a child either. It is totally up to the individual as to when to start a family, but my advice is make sure you have done all the major stuff you have wanted to first, as it is so much easier without children, then with! (ie: travelling, finishing school, etc).
.-= shirley´s last blog ..Veggies Tales: Pistachio – The Little Boy That Woodn’t DVD Review =-.
I agree everyone has a different situation. Waiting to acquire more things can leave you in a position to not be able to stay home for awhile after you start having children
.-= Nicole´s last blog ..Selective Hearing at an all time High! =-.
Well, I don’t have a child yet and it looks as though we’re going to push that back for at least another year. In my case I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 26, and we got married when I was 29. We knew we didn’t want to start right away because we wanted to be in house and not an apartment, which meant saving some money. A little more than a year after we were married his dad got very sick and we’re currently caring for him in his house. I’m glad we did wait because bringing a child into this situation would make it even harder than it already is.
We’re hoping that once my husband gets certified in his field, which will take probably until the holidays, he will get a good paying job (which is more likely for highly-trained computer specialists) and I’ll be able to stay home with Dad and we’ll start on a family then. Hopefully by then Dad will be somewhat better as well. But there’s a lot of variables there!! I would like to get started by 32 at the latest, only because we do want at least 2 or 3 kids, God willing, and I don’t want to wait much later than that.
Great Post!
I am an “older mom”. I didn’t get married until I was a couple months shy of 33…so I was AMA (Advanced Maternal Age) according to my OB at 35 with my first and 36 with my second. I noticed that the majority of responders who had their children at the same time wishes that they would have been younger. I guess I don’t wish for something different. It is what it is. At earlier points in my life I would have said that I wanted to get married earlier – but then I wouldn’t have married my husband. So for me it’s just about how life happens for each individual. I am happy with my choices and how things happened for me, so for that I feel blessed.
.-= Kim – In Search of Me in Mommy´s last blog ..My "Dirty Little Secrets" =-.
PS! I had always seen myself as having kids in my 20’s, and by my age my mom already had 2 (I was 8 by then!) but now I’m glad that I “grew up” because I can look at how my mom was when I was little through different eyes and I do think she was still maturing. She had my younger sibs @ 33 and 37 and she was a totally different mother to them.
.-= Mrs. Jen B´s last blog ..Divine Deviled Eggs =-.
I became a Mami at the age of 37. It was never a given that I would have a child, but at 35 I started considering the possibility. I’m glad that I waited and I’m fortunate that I was able to conceive. I’m almost 39 and I might want another, but I understand if my body will not provide. We’ll see.
.-= UnknownMami´s last blog ..Shopping and Me =-.
I was 19…of course, it wasn’t planned BUT Hubby & I will be 38 years old when she turns 18 and graduates from high school…so yeah, I’m excited
I don’t think 19 year old Mamas are ideal for everyone woman. Most 19 year old girls are getting drunk at a college party. Seriously, I think it depends on the person.
.-= Samantha´s last blog ..Pour Your Heart Out – Irritating FB Friends =-.
I love that I’m seeing so many people say “it’s a personal decision.” That’s exactly what it is! And women should certainly support each other in those decisions! There’s no right age. I’m not sure I have much to add that hasn’t already been said, but here’s my 2 cents’ worth (actually, probably more like 25 cents)….
We waited a while to start our family. We had been married nine years and were in our 30s when we had our first baby. I was 32 for my first and 35 for my second. We were very young when we married – 22 & 23 – so we wanted to grow up a bit and do some other things in our 20’s and early 30’s. It has worked for us! I don’t think we’d change a thing, especially considering that we now have two adorable knuckleheads.
My career was kind of a minor factor in my timeline (a story for another day), so I can’t speak to that very much. As an observer, I’ve seen women keep their careers going strong, have seen some women intentionally scale back a bit, and have seen others put their careers on hold for a while. Of my close friends, they have all been able to make things work for their families, no matter what their decision.
I feel like we were very blessed. I have several friends who also waited until their 30’s and they have had fertility issues. I don’t, however, believe that age is the only factor in fertility. It’s a big factor, but not the only. I have a fantastic OB/GYN who says that chronological age is a piece of the puzzle, but there are many other pieces of the fertility puzzle.
My point? I don’t know – just thinking that there could be some benefit, fertility-wise, to starting younger, but I ultimately believe that every couple has to make the decision based on their own very, very personal circumstances!
.-= Missy Stevens´s last blog ..So Many New Friends =-.
This is a great discussion. I am 24 and just had my first baby in January. The pregnancy was unplanned and happened right after I was laid off, making the job hunt quite difficult. Particularly in this economy. But hubby and I quickly rose to the occasion. I also have a 3 year old stepson (he’ll be 4 in 2 months), so it actually kinda made sense to have another one. I like finally being “mama” in my house since I had previously acquired that role without the title (I’m sure other stepmoms know what I mean). I had planned to wait until my late twenties to have a baby so that I could establish my career, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I have a college degree, I started my own business (herbalphilosophy.com/blog) and am now a work at home mom. If it wasn’t for the pregnancy, I probably would have never chosen this path. Now, I am the only one among my friends with a baby, much less with 2 kids. And I can’t help but also feel like the lucky one
When it comes to having kids…to each their own!
.-= Lucy´s last blog ..on children =-.
I was almost 31 when my daughter was born, and I think it was a great age. It’s definitely an interesting topic, though. It’s true, though. If you try and wait to have the perfect situation, you will be waiting, and waiting, and waiting forever. I wouldn’t say we were in the absolute perfect situation when Peanut was born, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
.-= Sarah C.´s last blog ..Trading on up, the diaper bag =-.
Like you I was 29..but didn’t have my graduate degree yet, that came later…I think 30 or older is good for many reasons … maturity, stability, and emotionality…no matter what age though …one is never really prepared for the huge responsibility that children bring…I , like you also feel that a couple needs time to bond and explore..So yes, for me older is better….except for the energy level..that diminishes..!
.-= Robin´s last blog ..I Look Like Ashton Kutcher…well kinda.. =-.
I think for each family there is a different answer. G.I. Joe and I had a deal that we would have whatever kids we wanted before turning 25. Well, we had Lucy when we were 22 and we’re done. We like the idea of being done early. When Lucy is 12 G.I. Joe will retire, and when she goes to college we’ll only be 40. That works for us but it wouldn’t for others.
I do have to add this: his parents are the same age as my grandparents, and his grandparents are the same age as my GREAT grandparents. G.I. Joe doesn’t connect with his parents the same way I connect with mine. Many many reasons go into that but I do think some of it is age.
Personally I like the idea that I’ll be a young grandma myself and able to run around the grandkids. That makes our situation ideal FOR US.
.-= Mrs. G.I. Joe´s last blog .."His Military Wife" =-.
I don’t know that there is an ideal age to have a child. For me, it wasn’t wanting get my career off the ground or wanting to make sure we were financially stable. I truly never felt ready to have a child and I never thought I would. But one day something just clicked and I knew that I wanted to experience everything life had to offer and that included bringing another life into this crazy world.
For me, having a child later in life has both its perks and its downfalls. Yes, definitely fall into the 57% that wish I had a child at a younger age . I’m not thrilled that I’ll be 60 when he graduates from college, or that I may not ever see grandchildren, much less run around with them! But I just wasn’t ready before and I think that is what is important. Having him at 38 allowed me to experience everything I needed to experience without feeling like I was missing out on something in my 20’s or 30’s.
.-= Shari @ Tales from the Sippy Cup´s last blog ..Chicken Giggles and Potato Smiles =-.
You story is a lot like mine. I had my daughter at 33. I was truly ready at that time. I don’t think there is an ideal age for a woman to have a baby, no magic number. But I do think there is an ideal time in terms of making sure she has personal fulfillment before she focuses on being a caregiver. Great discussion!
.-= Teresha@ Marlie and Me´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Day at the Gardens =-.
I have to agree that it is all about what YOU want! There was so much I wanted to do before having a family such as getting my Master’s (I also taught), getting tenure, traveling to Europe (for my husband-fishing in Alaska), getting married and spending at least a year alone together before we started a family. We also wanted to make sure we could afford for me to leave my job so I could stay home. That is what worked for us. For us this worked because we were able to check off our to-do list all the things we wanted to do personally and professionally before our little ones came along. Any regrets for us? Not a one.
I think I read something about this in a magazine last year and they said 27 is the ideal age to have a child. I, however, feel it’s definitely dependent on each individual person. I had my son at 24 and I don’t regret having him that young and I don’t feel it has limited me either. I did leave my career behind (by choice) when I had him but I now feel like new doors have opened for me.
.-= Sevin Family´s last blog ..2 going on… 13? =-.
I really think it depends on the couple. We started ‘young’ at 22, and we wouldn’t change it for anything!! I am ambitious, engergized and able to more than keep up to the kiddies. But, like I said, it really depends on the couple. We married young at 18 and already had 4yrs of marriage and travelling before the kidlets came around.
I love how Forbes phrased this statistic: “35% of moms who had their first child at 30 to 34 wish they had their child at a younger age “. Of course, that means that 65% didn’t wish they did! I am in this latter camp.
.-= Ironic Mom´s last blog ..Manipulation 101: The Illusion of Choice as a Disciplinary Technique =-.