“Here’s the thing, girls… you are different after you have a baby, and we aren’t just talking about the obvious. You likely won’t even realize all the ways you’ve changed until you’ve gotten back into your old routine.” How true is that?!
This was an excerpt taken from the new book Happy at Work, Happy at Home by Caitlin Friedman and Kimberly Yorio. About a month ago, I was watching LX New York Live and I caught a five minute segment on the balancing act of mothers. This segment was called Mommy Dish: The Balancing Act and one of the anchors on the show sat down with a few other women to discuss the age old question, how can we perform well both at work and at home and be happy doing it? The conversation featured author Caitlin Friedman of the book Happy at Work, Happy at Home. To catch that 5 minute segment, click HERE.
I have to admit, I was very intrigued by this conversation. I related to every word that was shared throughout this discussion.
As women in the 21st Century, can we work and be mothers and do both jobs well? And if you are a stay-at-home mom, you are a working mother with a juggling act to contend with, so this conversation includes you as well.
Motherhood has surprised me in so many ways. Since having kids, I never realized how challenging this job would be. I never realized how much my life would change. Moreover, I never realized how it would become such a juggling act, managing both work and home, which is why I connected to this book instantly.
Many of you know I was a full-time elementary school teacher for many years before I made the decision to stay at home with my kids. Although I work from home now, I still share the same daily battles of all working mothers. I struggle with the ability to juggle the day-to-day realities of raising kids, performing well in the workplace, keeping a solid marriage together while squeezing in some quality “me” time. This has been a concept women have been dealing with for generations and I couldn’t wait to discuss it here with you.
Happy at Work, Happy at Home is the kind of book you can read sections of interest at a time to gain perspective without feeling like you lost the message. And although the book focuses on the working mother, there is so much for the SAHM to gain from the book as well.
One section that caught my attention was Chapter 5: It’s Never Quiet on the Home Front. The authors provide some helpful tips on how to provide a smooth morning routine, advice on the things you should be doing at home to make your life easier, right down to integrating a smooth evening routine. These suggestions are the things that all mothers can implement immediately and benefit from.
Chapter 8: Traps We Fall Into also resonated with me. “The sad fact is we just can’t do it all well all the time. Sometimes, something has to give—work, motherhood, marriage—choose one. And that’s what this Chapter is about—successfully navigating the negative traps to help us make better choices.” (Friedman and Yorio, p 151) This is exactly what we need, a reality check! We all try to be superwomen, but it’s not a realistic goal. These authors provide ways of losing the guilt and show you how to get down to the core of how we can successfully make good decisions that our entire family can live with.
The book not only provides practical advice, but it also includes interesting interviews with mothers just like you and I trying desperately to make it all work, or at least most of the time. The book begins with pregnancy and moves into the new role of motherhood. The authors then discuss the transition of finding the balance between work and home and they conclude the book with keeping your career alive. It certainly brings this whole process full circle.
So whether you are in the workforce now, a SAHM, a WAHM or a mother planning to return to the workplace, there is a little something for everyone in this book. You will relate to different portions of this book for different reasons. Regardless, I guarantee you will feel connected to a group of women that are experiencing the same kind of things you are or have experienced, trying to answer that question in our quest of finding some harmony through it all and as well as some happiness in the process.
“Motherhood is one of the most profound experiences you can have and it will change you in infinite ways. As with any major life upheaval, it will inspire you to take stock of what you want and what you value.” (Friedman and Yorio, p 223) And that Theta Moms, is pretty powerful stuff.
Are you a SAHM, WAHM, or working mother? How do manage to find some harmony and stay happy in the process? What is your secret to success? I would love to hear your stories and experiences!
And with a full time night job and two kids [15 and 20] I am still trying to figure it out… sigh
.-= Vodka Logic´s last blog ..Sunday Rerun =-.
Oh man…I am about 4 or 5 years away from kids, but I have to say the whole process freaks me out a lot- not that I don’t want kids, just that I think I see a little too closely how much is sacrificed. I barely have time in my day as it is!
You’ve probably mentioned this on your blog at some point but I’m a new reader- what work do you do at home? (interested since I am currently an elementary school teacher haha)
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like… =-.
Nevermind, I did some look back on old post and my question was answered
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like… =-.
I’m a SAHM and I’m constantly trying to find that balance. Recently, my biggest key to success is letting go of the stress. I’m a worrier and I finally had to step back and exam exactly how this constant worrying is helping me. It’s not. I’m learning it’s okay to step away when I’m feeling stressed and recollecting myself. I’m much more of a help to my family when I’m 100% and there’s no way I can be 100% if I just go go go.
.-= Katrina´s last blog ..Christmas Parade =-.
I am a working mom, and one of my rules is that I don’t mix work with home. When I am home with my family, I do not discuss my day at work. I only have a few hours with my family in the day, and the last thing I want to do is waste it on work. At the same time, when I am at work, I try to do take care of my personal/home stuff during my lunch hour.
.-= Flory´s last blog ..Body Image =-.
I’m not a working mom, but I’m a homeschool mom……some days I feel SO overwhelmed and tired. I know this….I can’t do it all. I’m not even going to try. Taking each day…one at a time and learning to say “no” more (to outside things) and I’m learning to stay home more. It makes everyone happier.
.-= Mimi´s last blog ..A Few Captured Moments =-.
This is my biggest issue. I feel like if I’m successful as a mom, I suck as an employee and vice versa. I never even considered that my marriage was part of the equation…so I probably obviously suck there too! LOL
.-= Kmama´s last blog ..Dorito Pie =-.
I’m a SAHM and I have to say that the transition from working full-time to staying at home was very difficult for me. I felt so isolated and like everyone’s life was continuing on without me. Kinda hard to explain.
I’m constantly struggling to find a balance. Between all the responsibilities of household chores, caring for the kids, making my husband happy, I feel like I lose myself sometimes in the process.
.-= Helene´s last blog ..Dear Dell Osso Farms, =-.
Ladies~ You are all speaking to the heart of this issue! We ALL feel this way, regardless of “where” we work, because we are mothers and there never seems to be enough hours in the day to complete all of the tasks…this really is food for thought, isn’t it?!
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Happy at Work, Happy at Home =-.
I love this post !! As a new mom well a mom for 15months , I can’t begin to say how becoming a mom and a mom of twins girls for that matter has changed my life! I have experienced a love I never knew existed. A love that I understand why my mom is the way she is. My kids are my greatest achievement. With that being said I am a part time worker ( 17-20hrs) a week , I own my own business and am a wife as well I am “me” . No doubt it is so hard and I’m still struggling with how to balance all these , I feel sometimes overwhelmed. My poor hubby he tries so hard but in so many ways the twins require so much time. Motherhood is a huge sacrifice in so many ways but the joy and love that comes with it , is nothing close to what the sacrifices take from me. I love that you wrote this post and will def be picking up this book.
xoxonikki
.-= Nikki´s last blog ..The Long Sleeve Mini Dress =-.
Yes! Food for thought indeed. I was working full time after my son was born, but when Z was born 19 months later I never went back to work. It’s just impossible. It was hard to go from working- where I felt like I kept my “other” identity intact, to staying at home with two babies all of the time. It was a learning process to say the least. My kids don’t bore me, like I keep hearing, but the monotony of the same thing day in and day out was def an adjustment. This might sound silly, but the blogging thing has really helped me. I feel like I can carry on adult conversations during the day without leaving the house. Especially since we are transplants and I don’t have any real friends in NYC yet, this has been a great bridge for me to keep my sanity in tact! I love my children to bits, but it was definitley an adjustment.
BTW, yes! Going to the Liz Claiborne event- I WISH you were coming! Would love to meet you. This will be my first event and I don’t know what the hell I am doing! I’ll def keep you posted though. Let me know if you change your mind xx
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Did You Find Out? =-.
This is a GREAT post! I am a WAHM and I have to admit the juggling act can be very difficult at times. Finding the balance is the key. I manage by following the 5 tips I listed for moms that works for me…one of them being “self care.” I have to take an hour or two for myself a day by reading a book, taking a nice walk or exercising. I will have to read this book!
.-= Rondi´s last blog ..Rebelle Friendship Bags-Review & Giveaway =-.
OMG Jessica, I think you touched a nerve for all of us when you said that being home, the whole blogging gig keeps our sanity! I totally agree! Sometimes, I find even a few tweets or emails make a difference.
.-= Theta Mom´s last blog ..Happy at Work, Happy at Home =-.
Great conversation – I so love to hear other women’s comments and sentiments. We’re all in this together no matter what our different circumstances are. Thanks for bringing it up. Even though I have no children at home the balancing act still continues everyday (never thought it would be like this at this stage of the game). I’m not saying you can’t do it all, but in my opinion, one can’t ‘do it all’ well!
Kristin
that is exactly why i don’t want kids…i don’t want to change! i like me just the way i am 😉
plus who would want me as a mother anyway? just sayin…
btw hope you and yours had a lovely thanksgiving! xoxo.
.-= bananas.´s last blog ..thanksgiving, do we even gotta question… =-.
Luckily, I haven’t had to do the work and be mommy thing, YET. I honestly don’t know how the ladies who do it, actually do it. They deserve lots of props…or lots of alcohol…? : )
.-= MiMi´s last blog ..Jingle This =-.
I think that realizing and accepting the fact that being a good mother doesn’t mean being perfect is key. I think you need to do whatever it is that works for you in order to keep your kids happy and healthy. Once I realized that motherhood was not a competition and stopped trying to recreate parenting techniques of my friends, I settled into my role much better.
I love this post! I went from being a SAHM mom to a Part time SAHM to now being a working mom. I feel completely unbalanced at the moment! I hate working full time right now. I should mention, I don’t hate my job. Love the job, but when your kids ask when you are going back to being at home when they are home because they only see you for a couple of hours, it breaks a moms heart! Which is why I am trying to set myself up at the house. These are the most important years for my kids and I want to be there, awake and focused:)
.-= Mariah´s last blog ..Bobbie Humphries =-.
BTW…you were two in front of me today at SITS lady. I read your blog all the time so I forgot to mention it
.-= Mariah´s last blog ..Bobbie Humphries =-.
I can’t wait to read this book. I know it will help me do a better job of balancing it all. I’m a working mom and I’m lucky enough to teach at the school that my children attend, but I feel so guilty when we go home and I barely have enough time to help them with their homework. It seems that if I’m happy at home, work suffers. And if I’m happy at work, home suffers. I think Oprah said “You can have it all, just not all at the same time”. That is the motto of my life!
I am back in the workforce after having my daughter in July. Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, we just couldn’t afford for me to stay at home – or else I would be right now! I think it is important for everyone – including employers – to remember that being an employee is a full-time job (for some), being a wifey is a full-time job and being a mommy is a full-time job. With only 24 hours in a day, we have to make the most of those hours for the benefit of ourselves and our family (and our sanity!).
Thanks for sharing this book…I am DEFINITELY going to ask Santa for one for Christmas…oh wait, that is me too!!
~Working Mommy
Come on by, stay for a while and leave a comment or two!
.-= Working Mommy´s last blog ..Lesson #18 – Accidents Can Happen To Anyone…At Anytime =-.
I’m a work-at-home mom and I firmly believe that balance is an unattainable goal. I have a to-do list as long as my arm, I’m staring at YET ANOTHER pile of laundry, the dishes from last night’s dinner are still in the sink, and I probably won’t hit the shower until about five minutes before my kids pile off the bus… and we all know what happens when THEY get home.
I’m not complain’. I’m just sayin’. No human being can handle this kind of load and be happy and feel like they’ve got it all together. And the minute I decide in my mind that, “Oh well, my room is going to be a mess today and I may not get to that other project, and I may have to skip that phone call to complete this task and we may be eating spaghetti and meatballs—again—and everyone will still be alive when the planets don’t align today,” that’s when I can breathe again.
It takes a lot to give myself that permission, though. A. Lot. Because the last thing we want to be is judged for not being “perfect.”
I’m not perfect, though. This, I know for sure!
Great post! (And it’s nice to meet you, too! Sorry for the super silly antics on the handbag giveaway post, but you know purses get a girl giddy!)
.-= Denene@MyBrownBaby´s last blog ..The MyBrown Baby Happy For the Holidays CHILDREN’S BOOK GIVEAWAY! =-.
As a stay at home mom, I feel like I never have enough time to complete anything and I am always tired. Before my little guy came I was a teacher and I thought I was tired then – Boy! I did not know what was coming. Being a stay at home mom is so rewarding and I would not have it any other way, but it is definitely a different lifestyle. I am still trying to learn how to balance everything! Maybe one day!
Thanks for the great post@
Can we ever really have it all? I am a stay at home Mommy to 4 boys. I am often giving up things to make my family happy and provide for my children. In the beginning it was a bit harder, but I have learned to adjust to things and to be quite honest my kids ALWAYS come first for me. I do try to sneak a little ME time in every now and then, which I think is healthy for any mother, working or at home.
.-= Raising My 4 Sons´s last blog ..Get your Shop On… =-.
Great post! Think I’ll order the book! After becoming a SAHM and then WAHM this past July (had an corporate office job prior) with a now 9 mos and 20 mos old (and pregnant w/ #3 due in March). I never realized what the juggle would REALLY be like! I’m learning that we can have it all if we just keep things in perspective and learn to laugh at things a little!
Thanks for the good read!
.-= My Favorite Everything´s last blog ..halsea travel tips + fabulous giveaway! =-.
This book sounds great! I may just have to get it!
I (like all the other moms out there) struggle with this balancing issue day in and day out… and its frustrating. Especially when Im “miss got to do it all”.
Thanks for the suggestion!
.-= complicated mama´s last blog ..Have you seen my rose colored glasses? =-.
I will have to check the book out. I have a little collection of books along this line, both for general reading & research on motherhood discourse. Given my work is done both in & of out the home, and I’m “at home” caring for the kids during the day, how do I manage?
I remind myself this clear fact: Men never “did it all” they had wives & rich men had wives & other women hired to assist their wives. Why should we as women be held to an unrealistic standard?
Instead I’m doing it my way & if things don’t get done today they will get done tomorrow.
.-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Le Creuset Giveaway: Food Made in Love =-.
Ok, you’ve spurred me on to finally finish up a post I started last week on a similar topic, gonna get right to it.
Good read!
.-= ghada´s last blog ..All a Little Girl Wants for Christmas =-.
This book sounds great. I am not sure what I am…sometimes I am a SAHM and sometimes I am a WAHM(when a project comes up). I wing it and have learned to never say never! Being a mom is not easy no matter if you are a working mom, a SAHM or a WAHM…and we last thought we all need to be nice to each other.
.-= Holly L´s last blog ..The Easter Bunny Made Me Do It =-.
I found you! You disappeared from my reader when your site changed!
I work part-time and as a result I never feel like I’m getting anything accomplished at home or work. It’s very frustrating.
.-= kys´s last blog ..Blog Break By Numbers =-.
I think I could use a copy of this book. I haven’t been at it long enough to feel like a success, are we ever truly successful at this? I guess it depends on your definition of success. Right now, I’m just getting by one day at a time and loving it!
.-= Menopausal New Mom´s last blog ..On More Reason To Give Thanks =-.
i hadn’t heard of this book so I’m very glad you pointed it out. I think this information could help MANY people in my life, thank you!!!
.-= ConquertheMonkey´s last blog ..Tiger Woods Accident Caused By Marital Woes? =-.
I’m a stay at home mom trying to write a book and it is HARD. Finding a balance is almost impossible. It always feels like something has to give. I do my best, but try not to beat myself up. Sounds like a good book. If I had time to read anything but other mommy blogs and my own insane writing, I might find time to read it. LOL.
I have to go back to work Monday after having my 3rd and I am so not ready to go back.
http://couponmommyof2.blogspot.com/
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Boogies Wipes Review and Giveaway =-.
What a great post! Man I am now a stay at home mom for the first time ever-for the last year and a half. I have always worked outside the home and it was chaoic too. But staying home is whole different ball game.. I so have so much respect for mother who did everything so perfectly.
.-= Grissell´s last blog ..What are your 5 tips and tricks for getting yours kids to bed on time and getting them to stay there. =-.
I wish I had a good plan set, but I am always trying to find a balance. It is hard. My children always have to come first though. I think that is why I never get caught up with blogging. As long as I am good to the kids and have time with them, I am happy.
.-= clueless mama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday…My Baby HEAT MISER! =-.
You explained it perfect! I work at home and the challenges can be numerous! I feel so lucky to be able to work from home and be there when needed, but boy is it challenging! I never leave work! Can’t wait to read more of your blog. If you are interested, check out mine. I plan to touch on working at home issues (just getting started). http://www.generationxmomblog.com