I was talking to a good friend of mine recently. She just had her second child and she is reeling from the fact that it is much harder going from mommy of one to mommy of two. I know this all so well…
Before I became pregnant with my first, I was newly married and living in a condo. At the time, this was all we could afford and it was our own little place.
The sad part is that I didn’t realize how good I had it when I lived there. Instead of marveling at less house to clean and children to chase, the entire time I lived there I was wishing for the next phase in our lives. I was too busy dreaming of buying a “real” house with a garage, yard and white picket fence, including the 2+ children running around to realize how good I really had it. I could kick myself now for wishing that part of my life away.
Back then, I was able to work out religiously every single morning at the gym because I had the time.
I was already finished with graduate school, so I took a pottery class just for fun because I had the time.
Shopping used to be a daily excursion and a fun one at that. I could try on clothes and browse a million stores because I had the time.
I could take a long shower, get a manicure, pedicure, my hair done, all of the above because I had the time.
Back then, I didn’t have children to raise. There wasn’t a lawn to mow, a pool to clean or a bigger home to maintain. Nope, it was just my hubs and I and our 900 sq. ft. condo that really was every square inch of perfect for us. Life was so much easier, simpler. Forgiving.
Fast-forward seven years later and after the selling & purchase of two more homes and the birth of two children, here we are.
To me, this part of my life has been a rebirth of our relationship in so many ways. Children will do that to you, and nobody ever told me how much the Earth would shift when I had children of my own. Nobody ever spelled out the whole “you-won’t-have-much-time-to-yourself” reality. Sounds quite selfish, but that’s the truth.
Where were my Theta Moms back then to fill me in on the real deal?
You know I love my family more than anything and I am so grateful for them. My life is so much fuller now and I do know how blessed I am to be living this beautiful life. If you missed that post you can read it here. However, I do recognize the fact that it IS so important to find some time for myself. No matter what anyone says, I know I am a better mother to my kids when I get some “me” time. I have more energy and definitely more patience. That whole time out thing was a wake up call for me this week, when I was such a lame hostess of my own party!
As I often find myself blogging, I’m trying to make sense of it all. I’m navigating my way to get to what’s really important in this thing called motherhood. I have since come to acknowledge that one of the many realities of motherhood is that time is a thief. So going forward, it’s how I choose to manage and juggle it all that will make the difference.
I feel like I am one of the only people that sees "selfish" as a good thing. I love your Time Out idea because it is vital that we take time for ourselves and that we teach our children that it is important to nurture your "self".
i completely agree — and i'm starting to freak out because while i already feel like i have no real time to myself, little homie (our soon-to-be-second) is due in 2.5 months, and then things are going to be REALLY hard. sigh.
I'm back at that time again since my kids have grown and I have retired. I can basically do what I want…I love it. Enjoy where you are and do take some time for yourself to refresh and renew. Thanks for stopping by.
Sandra
Heather you are so right! I can barely remember all the things I had time for before I had kids and while I love my kids and my life I do need to make some time for me. And I need to make some time for me and the hubby. And I need to make the time with the kids special. Thank you for a wonderful post and reminder.
very well written post and a wonderful reminder to ME to not wish away this time of living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment {which I have totally been doing recently}. I am going to appreciate this time when it is just my husband and I and not be so focused on getting a house and starting to try for kids soon. thank you for that
I needed it!
Time is a thief… could there be words more true.
Funny, I remember my BC(before child) condo life as well. And I totally 'get' what you are saying. I spent most of my time dreaming of the bigger house, yada, yada, yada…
Thank you for the wonderful post, and for reminding me(and all of us) to slow down, and appriciate where we are right now, whereever that may be.
Beautifully written, as always!
Michele
So true…what a great truth…I am so glad that I read this post….
Amen…you should see how horrid my toenails look these days.
XO
Leigh
It is so difficult living in the present and not moaning about the past and wishing for the future. I think all of us struggle with this. It is a daily battle for me to just stop and enjoy where we are this very second.
I totally agree with you. I think it just a task you have to get into. I was like on my when I had my first child. What would I do. Now we got it going. Who knows what will happen next?
THANK you for that post. It's just what I needed. Sometimes my brain goes to baby land and I need to be snapped back.
Ditto what everyone else said. Sad thing is, I never had that time you described.
It was:
Med school – Intern Year – Residency – Residency with Baby
*Sigh*
Great post. Did you re-design your blog. Am I going crazy LOL?? I love it!! I designed mine, but it's nothing close to yours. Maybe one day I'll get there. LOL
Come check out my Pumpkin Poop. lol
I remember always being in a hurry to do the next thing and we were doing so much! When I look back at the trips we were able to take, ALL OF THAT DISPOSABLE INCOME and the time to do absolutely nothing I wonder how I could have ever been longing for the next step. Nature of the beast, I guess. Your post is so right on and the perfect blend of wistfulness and jou over what's good now. All we can do is focus on the last part. Because the now really is good!
I agree that finding time for yourself is the most important. I can remember back in the day too. I thought I had all the time in the world and now I am scrapping every last minute out of the day.
Now that was one awesome post, all so true!
I love the way you say wishing away one phase of your life to get to the next. I find that I so often do that only to look back and wish I had lived in the moment and enjoyed it.
I am slowly but surely learning to enjoy what I have when I have.
How true! Idon't remember the last time I read a paper cover to cover. That used to be every Saturday. I like to think for every little freedom I have lost, Ihave gained so much more. It helps to get you though:)
Home ownership is wildly overrated
I think quiet time is important for everyone, no matter what. Even if it's just a few minutes to refocus. I know it's not always easy to get though! I enjoyed your post. Visiting from SITS
pk @ room remix
Whenever I find myself looking forward to the NEXT thing, I tell myself to breathe, take a look around, and just appreciate where I am RIGHT NOW. (Which I can usually find a way to do, unless I'm unloading the dishwasher, because I really, really, really hate unloading the dishwasher!) But, I think it's important not to look back too much or look forward too much. We Mommies all know that time really does fly by, and if you don't take a moment to really appreciate where you are and what you have, it'll be gone. There is bound to be a time in your future when you look back and feel a huge sense of loss, because your kids don't need you as much as they do now. You might even miss all the time you're now spending attending to their needs, eh? Hang in there, lady. I'll toast you with a glass of Cabernet this evening. That's my "ME TIME". Cheers!
Many of my co-worker friends are still newly married without kids, and like you, I remember the old days (ie.running out to see a movie-not waiting for the DVD, catching a bite to eat at a posh new restaurant…) Ahh… But, would you trade the past years in? I think not, but the me time now is a great idea.
btw: I mentioned your site on my blog as a must visit, and I really enjoyed your post today!
You wrote the words that are in my mind! LOVE you!
oh how I long for hte days of endless time (and let's not forget endless money!). Kids are expensive!!!!
Someone once told me to treasure those days when my kids were young because they'd be gone before I knew it. I reminded myself of that when I was experiencing that no-time-for-myself that all moms of little ones experience. Currently mine are 21, 16 & 15 and I'm adoring this time for them and me. I can still enjoy (and sometimes pull my hair out in frustration) them, plus have some time for me. I don't desire to go back to the time when they were little; but I do have tons of precious memories from those days.
Guess I'm trying to say – Hang in there, time for yourself will come around again.
I'm guilty of wishing away stages in my life and then looking back and realizing how great I had it. I've slowed down since I've had my son and appreciate all the little things.
I remember the days of "cleaning the house" meant putting the phone book away. My house now looks like wolves live here…all the time. But that's ok. My kids are happy, loved, and healthy. For now, THAT's the priority.
p.s I am with you. Where the Theta Moms 7 years ago when I was becoming a mom for the first time. Thank goodness I have YOU now!
You are absolutely right. We should definitely not wish to fast forward our lives because it already goes by too fast. That's why it's so important to live in the now.
I think this is so true even when you only have one child. While it is certainly not easy to have 1, I look back at my years of just having 1, and think "why didn't I do more?" Now, going to the grocery store, or on simple errands is so tough, logistically, with 2, and my time one on one feels like such a break.
But, no doubt, I am kicking myself thinking about any time I said I was to busy to do anything, let alone get in shape, clean my house, etc, before I had kids…
ypu said it, sister. i used to work out every morning before work. stay in the bath for as long as i wanted with a book, instead of this happening just on mother's day. and i watched whatever i wanted on tv, and no one said from the backseat "i don't like dave matthews mama, change it."
good thing i like their voices better than his.
Boy you couldn't have said it better as usual! Life is harder with kiddos, more beautiful, but so much harder. I do miss the days of just taking care of me. Today I looked in the mirror and barely recognized that messy haired, no makeup woman standing before me. Oh well, good thing I am already married. LOL You are right though I just need to learn how to juggle my life! I hope to figure it all out soon:)
Finding the balance that makes us both feel guilt free and thoroughly fulfilled is challenging, isn't it? I know I struggle with it almost daily.
Oh I hear ya on this one. I don't have two kids and bigger house but I'm one parent to one child and it's tough! Hang in there. I've been told it's gets a little easier as they get bigger. Whether I believe them or not, I'm not sure :o)
Thanks for the comment and the follow!
Nicely put. I fell the same way as well. Hauling two kids around is a lot tougher than one (or zero for that matter)!
Wanted to let you know I love your blog And I follow!!! Follown Back
http://mommaissweeping.blogspot.com
You're so right: we never realize that we'll never actually have time of our own again. So true, I have to laugh! Loved this post! These are the kind of challenges I think about, too. It's nice to have moms to share it with, isn't it? Thanks for sharing!
Brenda
http://mamabegood.blogspot.com/